I Do, and You Do, and They Do

Why is it that things hum along quietly for years, and then suddenly a dozen of your closest friends get married at once? Does everyone go out drinking and decide it’s high time they acquired flatware with matching service pieces?

The last two months have been a blur of inflatable penises (Penni? Penne?), polite small talk with cousins from Memphis, and champagne hangovers. Between all the celebrating and our regular-old lives, we haven’t had much time for things like “preparing balanced meals” and “maintaining our household in a manner the Health Department would find acceptable.”

In June, we flew to L.A. for a wedding, traveled to Amsterdam for business, and I flew to Las Vegas for a bachelorette. We returned home to an elopement a few hours up the coast, and just helped host a wedding shower last weekend. By the end of July we’ll have attended another wedding, had four different sets of house guests, and flown to Colorado for Bryan’s twenty-year high school reunion. Bryan recently pointed out that the only thing we’ve given up since Hank was born is sleep. Sleep and basic hygiene.

This may be unsustainable. I have trouble remembering whether I’ve eaten in the last few hours, and I’ve begun to drool when there’s a lull in conversation. After July, the next time I lose sleep over love, I’d better be getting laid.

24 thoughts on “I Do, and You Do, and They Do

  1. I do think the hygeine thing gets better, but enjoy solitary business doing in the can now, cause lil Hank’ll be plowing through that door every time you sit to do anything on the throne. The upside is your legs may very well be shaved

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  2. This hasn’t happened for us in a while – but there was one year where there were 4 weddings back in Maryland within 6 months. My husband made me promise we didn’t have to go back for at least 4 years after that; that we’d cashed in all our travel + hangover chips.

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  3. Within 10 months, Me and 4 of my best-est friends got married… for a total of 5 weddings. Needless to say, I packed 20,000 frequent flyer miles, and a hurricane scared the sh!t out of me. =)

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  4. Heh, by July of next year Hank will have three speeds – napping, eating, and warp 7. You better have a good babysitter and/or grandparents nearby if you want any nookie.

    I speak from experience. I just put our little faster than light 16 month old to bed. In the evenings, between 5-8pm, we experience all three speeds in full.

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  5. Oh wedding season… ain’t it lovely? Hopefully you’re enjoying loads of free cake, or if you’re the host, loads of cake you paid for.

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  6. Personally, I attribute the rash of weddings to a rash of acute, ear-piercing, air raid siren shouts of “I want one NOW!!!” bandied across the land upon viewing the first photos of Hank.

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  7. I went on vacation for a week and it’s just my luck that the damned cat had A kitten in the closet of my room.

    Squealing kittens [or A squealing kitten in my case] WILL prevent you from getting sleep.

    May as well have been a kid.

    I’m so glad I’m past child-bearing age. Been there, done that.

    But I feel for ya.

    Just wait till the little guy walks in on you while yer doing the horizontal bop.

    THAT is fun times!
    .

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  8. I’m guessing you/a lot of your friends are in their early/mid 30s? That explains your rash of weddings, as the ladies realize it’s 10 to midnight in their wombs. Ah, love.

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  9. I believe it’s Pee-ni, and if not, it should be. Ha.
    I can only imagine how much fun as this travel and celebration would be sans child, but I feel you on the tired woes of having one in tow. Go nap now.

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  10. It’s penises, I’m pretty sure, but some Latin scholar could surely chime in here.

    I was taught that although the the plural of the Latin word penis (meaning tail) is penes, penis as we use it is really an English word based on the Latin that would follow English pluralization rules.

    Whatevs.

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  11. If you want a REALLY authoritative source, the trivia game “You Don’t Know Jack” lists the plural of penis as penes. I totally beat my dad on that question.

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  12. Sounds like my summer… Hang in there! At least Hank is such an easy-going kid that all this travel is possible… Could you imagine if he had colic?!? ::shudder::

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  13. Penes, technically and Penises, in the vernacular.

    Guess that Jay guy’s gonna have to change his vanity plate, after all.

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