20th February 2001

While I’m away, you should read Right on America! It’s a collaborative blog by a few very funny people who love them the Jesus.

“fire gets the job done, whether the job needed to
be done or not. In fact, this is something that’s been drilled into our heads since we were old enough to touch our
tounges to the stove top. In the words of the late, headless comedian Phil Hartman, “Fire Bad”.

So we respect fire. We give it the right of way. We know that fire will fuck our shit up correctly if we try to front fire. We
know that we should not play with it. And we know, and I’m just pulling this example out of the clear blue, if we want to
appear in a televised stunt that involves fire, we’re going to wrap ourselves up in a suit made of SHIT THAT WILL NOT
BURN. And then we’re going to say over and over again, “I AM WEARING A SUIT OF SHIT THAT WILL NOT BURN. IF YOU DO
NOT HAVE THIS SUIT, AND YOU DON’T, BECAUSE I AM WEARING IT, YOU WILL BURN, BUT GOOD.”

In order, then, for the average person to destroy any chance of winning the coveted, “Mr. Guy Who Has Skin Covering
His Entire Body” Award, he would have to be ignorant to a few things. These being:

A. The English language, and such phrases as, “Don’t do this,” or,
“Man, fire am hot”.

B. The difference between being fire-retardant, or merely retarded.

C. Just…Just…It’s FIRE for god’s sake!

But, no. Instead, a 13-year-old boy covered himself with gasoline, and set himself on fire, just like Johnny Knoxville didn’t.
If we were being forgiving, we would say he was guilty of improvising on a theme. This is fine if you’re Miles Davis, and
the theme is Disney’s, “Someday My Prince Will Come”. This is not so good if you are a 13 year old moron, and the theme
is, “Fire”.(posted by josh cagan)”

“Possible Children’s Theater Ideas

1.) Good Touch – Bad Touch LIVE!

2.) My Mommy’s Girlfriend

3.) Never Too Early – Retirement Savings for Tots

4.) …Like Bunnies – A Dance.

5.) Things To Do Instead of Crying

6.) Line of Control – The India/Pakistan Conflict Made Easy

7.) Silly Walks of Drunks

8.) Be Good or It’s Cancer for You

9.) Candy is Dandy – Except fo Diabetics

10.) Cal – The Kitty That’s High as a Kite

(posted by Bryan Mason)”

“I AM NOT SATAN! I LOVE ME THE JESUS! I SING ME THE SONGS OF JESUS IN A JESUSY STYLE! WHERE DO I GET MY JESUSY
SONGS OF JESUS WITH THEIR JESUSALICIOUS JESUSNESS? FROM THE INTERMANET, OF COURSE!!!

JESUS JESUS JESUS !!!!!!

(posted by josh cagan)”

prerecorded