Mighty Life List
May 7 2008

7 Skills Every Woman Should Master

So Esquire‘s list of 75 Skills Every Man Should Master has been everywhere lately. It’s a good read, and most of the stuff is applicable to both genders. Here’s my little list of seven things every woman should know how to do, because I lack the stamina to come up with seventy-five:

1. Entertain unexpected company. Invest in a cheeseboard, and then keep a big jar in your cupboard filled with bags of dried apricots and cranberries, almonds, hazelnuts, and a few bars of exceptional chocolate. All of it will keep for a while, if you can refrain from devouring everything while you watch an episode of Lost.

Now, in three minutes, you can dump out some fruit and nuts, chop up a chocolate bar, and arrange it all to maximum effect on the cheeseboard. If you have decent cheese in the fridge, it’s a bonus. Pow! You’re Martha Stewart.

2. Comfort someone in mourning. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” And then as much silence as you can muster.

3. Celebrate. Good stuff is happening all around you. Pour a glass of champagne, pass around a box of chocolate, and say something memorable.

4. Break up with a poisonous friend. I had this friend in junior high, and every time I told her I liked a boy, she suddenly became very attentive towards him. I was too young to realize what was going on at the time, but by high school, and the fourth or fifth crush she’d pinched, I caught on.

Most of us have a friend or acquaintance who always leaves us feeling just a little bit worse. Maybe your mortifying missteps become her favorite amusing anecdotes. Maybe she throws her arm around your boyfriend’s shoulders with suspicious frequency. Maybe she guilt-trips you into piling a few favors atop your already hectic schedule. Whoever she is, stop calling her. Tell her you’re busy — so very busy — until 2050 or so.

5. Give a good blowjob.

6. Dribble a basketball, throw a football, kick a soccer ball. This stuff comes up. If you can’t do anything athletic at all, you start to look like the kind of girl who spends too much time getting mani-pedis.

7. Apologize convincingly. I was wrong. I’m very sorry. It won’t happen again.

If that doesn’t work, you may need to genuflect.

100 Responses to “7 Skills Every Woman Should Master”

  • Andre Says:

    Actually there is no need for genuflections if you have already mastered #5 ;-)

  • The Casual Perfectionist Says:

    Awesome list! :)

  • jill Says:

    aaaaaaaamen, sister. to each and every one.

  • Erin Cooper Says:

    OOOh, Jezebel posted a similar list, but yours is much better.

  • divrchk Says:

    I would have to add be able to drive a using stick shift. I learned to drive on a manual and am ever so thankful.

  • Jemaleddin Says:

    Wait, how is it that #5 – potentially the most difficult skill to master on the list – doesn’t get any instructions? You could at least provide a link. :-)

  • Heather Says:

    Hilarious that Maggie explains how to do each and everyone on the list, but not #5. I guess we should just know intuitively?

  • Ariel Says:

    Absolutely! SO SO true.
    I’m still trying to learn to stop, when in an argument, and say- I was wrong!(If I was). THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME!

  • Kate Says:

    Secret to #5: enjoy it. Fake enjoying it until you do. Makes a world of difference!

  • amy Says:

    best thing I have read all day! Loved it!

  • cheryl Says:

    I would like to argue that #5 may not be applicable for women who are, say, more inclined to the enjoy the company of the fairer sex.

  • Chaton Says:

    I agree with all of the above. There are a few more. However, every woman needs to be elegant, cool, and gracious. This list covers all of those areas quite well!

  • Brooke Says:

    Holy crap. Choking on grilled chicken caesar salad is a bit painful. Should scan ahead before taking a bite, next time.

  • spandrelstudios Says:

    Just as in your #4, I had a friend in school who would tell whatever boy I was interested in that I liked him – Gah! Well, something told me not to reveal anything to her about my last boyfriend – and she got all miffy and ended up not speaking to me ever again… But I kept the boyfriend, and now we’ve been married for 15 years!

  • dana wyzard Says:

    If you are truly a master at #5, then every other point, except #2, is totally moot. I do not have to apologize, prepare food for guests, or even dribble a basketball, if my husband knows he’s getting a blowjob that night! “Step aside dear. I will take care of everything.”

  • amanda Says:

    I find the word “dribble” following so soon after “blowjob” rather distracting.

  • Eva Says:

    #5 is definitely not something every woman needs to know. I don’t need to know. I’m gay. AND GUESS WHAT, I’M A WOMAN, dontcha know.

    sorry, I get a bit sore when the whole world thinks all women love dick, or when they know that NOT all women love dick, but don’t think they ever need to be mentioned.

    otherwise, great list :-)

  • jenn Says:

    here here! what a great list. getting rid of a poisonous friend is so important but so hard to do at the same time. there is a woman in my life that i separated myself from over a year ago but she still calls and every time i let it go to voice mail i feel a bit guilty. but i know i can’t take her call – it’s not a good relationship to have.

  • kristi Says:

    Miss Maggie, You are simply too marvelous.
    La, la, la love this list. I’m printing it and keeping it with me always!

  • Min Says:

    What a great list. You made me laugh. There is a great quote by Robert Heinlen I love:

    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

    Also, I would like to add one life skill I am personally proud I have acquired is to be able to say “Fuck You”, to someone and still be their friend.

  • Sharona Says:

    Embarrassing as it is…http://invisiblegifts.blogspot.com/2008/05/i-just-met-maggie.html

    It was so nice to meet you!

  • sparkle Says:

    in my family, we say, “full apology, right words” and that seems to cover all the bases.

  • Lindsay Says:

    I’d amend #5 to “Give good oral sex,” (to be inclusive, since I’m never going to need to learn how to give a blow job) and add a #8 of “When you should apologize,” because so many women apologize for things that they shouldn’t be sorry for.

    Otherwise, great list. I especially agree with 2, 3, 4, and 6.

  • boho girl Says:

    totally needed this today.
    thank you…

  • Stella Says:

    I have some more!

    #8 Operate a cordless drill (You should own your own)
    #9 Know at least enough yoga to do a sun salutation (preferably ashtanga style)
    #10 Amuse a child for 10-15 minutes with whatever you have handy (bonus points if you remembered to pack a box of tricks)
    #11 Cook a meal from scratch.

  • Dutchess of Kickball Says:

    Wow, these are so true, especially the part about a toxic friend. It took me 24 years to learn that lesson. The part b) to that is to learn how to do it and not look back.

  • Jen @problem girl Says:

    Let’s say we’ve mastered #5. Does that mean we don’t have to do it any more? Like, once we’ve gotten really good at it, it’s ok to stop practicing?

  • Frayda Says:

    Learn to ride a motorcycle. It’s the most terrifying, exhilarating thing you will ever do. Plus, nobody ever messes with a biker chic. ;)

  • Elisabeth Says:

    Yeah, “give good head” is a bit more applicable for those of us who don’t need to know our way around the male hardware. But regardless of which team you play for, I’d add “and expect it”, too!

  • You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    #5 made me cry a little. Because it’s just. So. Beautiful.

  • Neshura Says:

    #9 Develop a wicked sense of humor.

    It’s the corollary to #2. If you aren’t crying, and you aren’t belly laughing, then you aren’t having enough fun. Don’t rely on other people to make you laugh, find the funny yourself.

    (Note: There’s enough absurdity in the world, if you can find it, to keep you and your loved ones in stitches for quite a while, without having to resort to malicious jokes. A woman who can pun will never get a proper mate, but an improper mate is a secret joy.)

  • Tara Says:

    Learn to say NO and not feel guilty about it.

  • bad friend Says:

    I was that poisonous friend. I never stole boys but I was jealous, controlling and petty. My best friend from 1st grade finally had the balls to tell me off in college. At first I didn’t get it. I felt horrible and it broke my heart and I deserved it. I still feel awful guilty at the way I treated her. If I could ever apologize I would.

  • dana wyzard Says:

    I’m trying to order your book and none of the links are working right now. HELLLLLP

  • smallstatic Says:

    Although number 5 is extremely effective, I think every woman should know how to get what she wants _without_ having to put d*ck in her mouth. That should be a purely elective sort of thing.

  • MR Says:

    Good list, though I’d change #6 to: Know how to talk about Sports.

    You might have that “OMG the girl has a rocket for an arm” moment once per year (when you just happen to be walking by the tryouts for the Bad News Bears), but the boys in the office talk about sporting events at least once every week.
    You don’t have to be a complete sports nerd, but if you can hold your own with them, you’ll go further in business. (though, ha ha, the same could be said about #5).
    Also, when you ask how many home runs were scored in the Super Bowl, it’s embarrassing for everyone involved.

  • hcw Says:

    Seriously people!
    Maggie is a heterosexual female, this is her personal blog and this is her list of skills that she has listed from her own personal experience. Add and subtract to that list if you want but I see no reason why she should modify the list to accommodate every single variation in the human condition that is out there! Why must everything be so politically correct these days?!

  • Joy Says:

    Hahaha. Awesome list. Here’s a few on my own:
    – Picking the right gifts.
    – How to make your man do what you want. But then again, this might be remedied with your #5. LOL

  • Kimberly Says:

    Here’s my addition, and it took a long time to learn:

    How to ask a question. Don’t diminish its importance by starting with “This may sound stupid, but…” or “I hate to bother you, but…” or “I’m sorry but…” You have every right to ask a question if you need to. Do so confidently and you’ll most likely get a better answer than you would have if you trivialized the question by acting as if it shouldn’t be asked in the first place.

  • Lyz Says:

    Speaking of sports – I learned a trick while I was teaching 8th grade.

    While my husband was listening to a game or the recap, I’d pay attention for about 5 minutes and try to remember what was said.

    Then, the next day in class, I’d impress the heck out of those boys by saying something like, “Can you believe he fumbled in the last quarter?” And after that topic was exhausted (as was my knowledge), back to work we’d go!

    So my addtition to the list? Learn how to fake the knowledge you don’t have. And not get caught.

    Somehow, also applicable to #5.

  • Krissa Says:

    Great list!

  • Mari Says:

    I would add:

    – change a flat tire
    – Know how to make minor home repairs (for example, fix a leaking sink)
    – learn what style of clothes flatter you and wear them (ex. generally speaking, if you are short, STAY AWAY from the capri pants);

    – wear the size that fits you, even if you you’re not happy with the number. Better to wear the size 12 pants than to look like a snausage in the size 10s.

  • Aimee Greeblemonkey Says:

    Great post. In fact, I was waffling about posting about a poisonous ex-friend today and you have just inspired me to go ahead and do it – expunging ahead!

  • Wendy Says:

    I was with you until the blowjob. Why is it that it’s a good skill to know how to do this?

  • vbd93 Says:

    I’m annoyed by the people arguing with #5, so I hesitate to make this comment, because I’m NOT arguing…BUT…my experience with #6 (throwing football, etc) is that I grew up feeling kind of inadequate that I didn’t do those things, but as an adult at some point I realized there is nothing wrong with saying, “I’m not terribly athletic” if I don’t have the desire to learn that particular skill. However, this is MAGGIE’S list, and she’s a football-throwing-heterosexual girl who can make her own list in her own blog.

  • Vee Bunny Says:

    How about:
    Put yourself first. A lot of women I know find it difficult to take care of themself and are always busy taking care of others.

  • You Can Call Me Maam Says:

    Unlike commenter #30, my reaction to the list was:

    #5 made me cry a little. Because it’s just. So. Degrading.

  • Mari Says:

    @#47 – a BJ is like any other type of sex. If it’s between consenting adults who see each other as equals, why is it degrading?

  • Kimberly Says:

    Wondering if #47 feels the same way about a man going down on a woman. If so, honey you are missing out! Reciprocation is the name of the game!

  • brittney Says:

    If you find it degrading you are doing it wrong.

  • Inez Says:

    I think #5 is what you make of it. If you see the world as a place where you are expected to like dick, then it will irritate you (I am like this about feminism, and I’m trying to stop seeing the world in such black and white terms). I honestly don’t think, in this case, that it’s about using sexual skill to get what you want, being a girl who bends to a man’s will, or avoiding having to do other things for your boyfriend/husband/lover. It’s about being good to the person you love. Having *real* skills in the sack goes hand-in-hand with being an attentive and caring to the one your with, and who could argue with that? There is nothing degrading about giving a blow job, any more than it’s degrading to receive it. Why does this have to turn into something political when that subject had nothing to do with the post? Can’t it just be about being giving?

  • You Can Call Me Maam Says:

    @48, 49, and 50:

    48. I have never known a woman who performed a bj because she willingly wanted to and found it enjoyable. I honestly believe that it is mostly an act of power/dominance by a man, and that most men have no respect for a woman who gives bj’s. (Do they like women who give bj’s? Undoubtedly. Do they honestly, deep down have respect for somebody who allows them to put their penis in her mouth? I just don’t believe it.)

    49. No reciprocation necessary – Not something I’m interested in.

    50. That’s the kind of attitude I’m talking about.

  • Kimberly Says:

    Inez, thank you for putting into words what I did not convey! I could not agree more!

    And, btw Maggie, fabulous list (per usual) ;-)

  • shannon b. Says:

    Ha! I love how uptight everyone gets about the blowjobs. @#52: I find it highly enjoyable, and those who say it gives the man all the power have been watching too much porn and thinking that’s how sex should be performed.

  • Tracy27 Says:

    Wow, #52. I love doing it and I daresay my husband respects me MORE for that.

  • latenac Says:

    Great list. I really liked #1,2 and 4 and 7. #5 I have to admit how hard is it to give a good blow job? But really overall blow jobs aren’t good things or bad things it’s just the the context that makes them so.

    I’d probably add be able to kill insects and be able to hook up electronic equipment (computers, stereo equipment, etc). I also liked the above one about being able to say “fuck you” to someone and then letting go of whatever caused you to say it. And the one about not undermining what you have to say or ask for with “if you have time”, “sorry to disturb you”, etc.

  • bobbi Says:

    Wow. “I have never known a woman who performed a bj because she willingly wanted to and found it enjoyable. I honestly believe that it is mostly an act of power/dominance by a man, and that most men have no respect for a woman who gives bj’s.” Um, I absolutely enjoy it, and unlike what you profess, it makes ME feel powerful to be able give that much pleasure to my husband….maybe you and your friends are with the wrong partners.

  • Pamela Says:

    In our marriage, if you master #5, #7 is unnecessary.

  • Yikes Says:

    #52, you must be a real hoot in bed.

  • Montrose Says:

    #52 – Hi. My name is Nicole – now you know a woman who likes giving blowjobs. In fact, I absolutely love giving blowjobs, but only to men I adore. And do they respect me? Hell yes, they still think I’m smart, strong, sexy, fun and fearless after getting great head. Just like I still respect them after I get great head!

  • elayne Says:

    #52: Re never having met a woman who enjoyed giving a blowjob….
    *virtual handshake*
    Now you have.
    (I’ll spare you the kiss on the cheek as that might unsettle you.)

    There are certain prerequisites for enjoyment: Cleanliness of course, an enthusiastic partner who doesn’t view the act as a power/dominance thing, willingness for reciprocation on the partner’s part… but overall, yes, it’s QUITE enjoyable, and something that I sometimes prefer to “regular sex.”

    For all the flak you’re taking, I think you’re very close to the mark on one thing: Some men view oral sex as a means to degrade or dominate a woman, and in the presence of that mindset, it does become degrading. There is a way I’ve found to suss them out: In many or most cases, these men will not, ever, perform oral sex on a woman. It’s the whole “putting his penis in her mouth” thing in reverse – they consider it degrading for a woman to do so, and therefore they will not do the equivalent themselves.

    I enjoy performing oral sex on my partner, and that enjoyment is not limited to the psychological sense of “power” or accomplishment and “wow, look how thoroughly I can rock his world” – there is, for me, a true and purely physical pleasure in the act itself, the textures, scents, sensations. However, as much as I enjoy it, I keep the “degradation” thing in mind, and do require that my partner demonstrate to my satisfaction that he doesn’t have a power/degradation/disrespect mindset about oral sex. It’s easy to say “Well I should hope you’d know that before you become intimate with a person” but it’s not always the case – some people are very good at hiding things.

    Having said all that (and I apologize for the disjointedness of it all), I would ask you to consider a dollop of tolerance. As a woman who greatly enjoys giving a blow job to an appreciative partner, my first inclination is to say, “Girl, you just need to try it,” or as the other poster said, “If it’s degrading, you’re doing it wrong.” It’d be easy for me to assume – based on my experiences and preferences – that there’s no WAY you can truly *not* enjoy giving a blowjob. But that would be disrespectful to you. By the same token, just because it’s distasteful and degrading in YOUR mind, that doesn’t mean that others are incapable of enjoying it, or are lying when they say they do, and it’s disrespectful to insist otherwise. In all things, at the end of the day, we can only know our own truths, and they are seldom if ever universal ones.

  • Heather Says:

    Thanks so much for the eloquent response, elayne. I completely agree with you. My boyfriend had NEVER forced or even asked me to give him a blowjob. I do so because I enjoy it. Most of my friends are the same. I enjoy that I can give him that much pleasure, I enjoy the experience for what it is. I hope that even if I wasn’t as much of a fan as I am that I might give it a go, just because I love him so much, and while I don’t believe in compromising who I am, I do believe in being GGG (google Dan Savage if you don’t know it) and want to give him what he wants.

  • Susannah Says:

    Wow Elayne, I’ve never heard it put so well. If more people lived by this motto, what a wonderful world it would be: “In all things, at the end of the day, we can only know our own truths, and they are seldom if ever universal ones.”

    Thank you. Works in any context.

  • Eva Says:

    #37: I am SICK of people saying things like that. Yes, it’s Maggi’s personal blog, and obviously I read it and I respect her for it and I love it, and obviously I CARE about it because otherwise I wouldn’t bother to comment.

    But the title of her post is “7 SKILLS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD MASTER”, and she doesn’t say “according to my experience” or “these are the things I realized I should know”, she *does* universalize it, and so here is where I jump in and (in a friendly way, I might add) say, “hold up Maggie, not *every* woman needs to know how to do a blowjob, because there are women who don’t like dick.”

    It’s just a gentle reminder. It’s not about political correctness, it’s about how I’m INVISIBLE to the eff-ing world. And I HATE it when people tell me that I should “get over” heteronormativity. BELIEVE ME, if some chick put on her list of things every woman should know that they should be able to eat pussy, there would be hella reactions from straight women about it.

    I’m allowed to point out my own existence. You can’t take that away from me.

  • EL Says:

    Here’s one you might not have heard: Lesbians can use the term blowjob too. My girlfriend and I do. Is that strange?

  • Heather Says:

    @ YoucancallmeMaam: Another woman right here who LOOOOVES giving blowjobs. I love my husband, I love his dick, the oral sex is gloried in and reciprocated … how can that possibly be degrading towards me or him? For us, as it is for many, it’s a hell of a lot of lusty fun AND an act of love. There’s no degradation in that.

  • Melissa Says:

    To #52…I enjoy it very much and I think it would put ME in the power position, if it were about power at all and not about giving.

  • erin Says:

    Eva (#64)–Right on.

  • Mari Says:

    Eva said:

    “I am SICK of people saying things like that. Yes, it’s Maggi’s personal blog, and obviously I read it and I respect her for it and I love it, and obviously I CARE about it because otherwise I wouldn’t bother to comment.”

    I completely agree with you, and, unfortunately, that’s the response a lot of blog readers throw out whenever someone even politely disagrees with the blogger. It’s unfortunate, because isn’t the idea behind a blog that allows comments is that it creates a community in which people are allowed to express their differing opinions? To me, that’s one of the things that makes blogs with comments so fun to read.

    I like the fact that you pointed out that there is a significant percentage of women who aren’t into #5 because of their sexual orientation. Nothing wrong with that!

  • elayne Says:

    Heather and Susannah (and Maggie): Wow. Thanks for the complimentary feedback. After I hit “submit comment” I nearly fired off an email to Maggie asking her to just delete it because I was so sure it wouldn’t make any sense to anyone – but I figured I wouldn’t need to bother because Maggie’d scan it and delete it as nonsensical clutter anyway, without my even asking. Y’all just made my day. (c:

  • hcw Says:

    #64 – to be fair she does say “Here’s MY little list…” so it is a personal list.

    And I wasn’t trying to negate anyone’s existence or tell them to “get over” anything. Everyone’s experience is unique and that was just my point. It feels like we have become so consumed with making sure everyone is included in everything and that no one is left out that we no longer enjoy people as they are with their different perspectives on things.

    It was just frustrating to me that once again (I had been reading several other blogs) someone can’t express their own PERSONAL thoughts without being told that they should have thought about the other xx% that actually does something else.

  • dregina Says:

    It’s an example of heteronormativity, for sure. I’m sure Maggie meant nothing by it, but “give good head” would have been the better way to make the point. I think the majority of people who pointed it out did so politely. It’s annoying to be invisible.

  • ThisIsNotMyWebSite Says:

    Once I start to hear people whining about not being seen because a blog didn’t include their sexual orientation I have to ask myself how desperate they are for attention and approval.

    Maggie, you keep on blowin’ and we’ll keep on readin’.

  • heather Says:

    With all due respect to the commenters and ALL of their valuable opinions, I must say that I love how this discussion brought out all the women who admit to loving oral sex. I have a feeling their partners (male and female!) may have benefited some from this discussion. Well done, Maggie.

  • Miss Grace Says:

    Wow guys. I think “blowjob” was significant of oral sex in general, which I don’t normally find to be quite so…..divisive?

  • Jemaleddin Says:

    As a straight guy, I’m glad to see the answers to #52, and I also wish that Maggie had phrased #5 more inclusively.

    Just to respond to #52 from the man’s perspective: I’ve never viewed #5 as a dominance thing – nor have I ever expected it or even asked for it. There are certainly men who do, but there are all sorts of a**holes out there. That’s certainly not the worst sort a**hole, but it’s not acceptable. Find a different guy.

    For #56: I don’t know how hard it is, but it seems to be a challenge for some people.

  • Em Says:

    I like your list, Maggie. It’s great.

  • Tootsie Farklepants Says:

    I had a friend like that in jr high/high school. Only she would date my ex boyfriends after the break ups. And when I say date I mean f*ck.

  • elayne Says:

    I am totally going to start using “number 5” as a euphemism for oral sex (of any type) from now.

    Only problem: Ordering certain combos at the fast food window will provoke giggles. “Hi, I’d like a #5 please, and *snicker* um, sorry, a #5, supersized *SNORT* – no no, I’m fine, really!”

  • denise Says:

    not that it’s a power thing, but i’d say that if you have a guy’s dick in your mouth, you pretty much have all the power at that point.

  • denise Says:

    i also agree with one of the comments above that one thing every woman should be able to do is let her partner (male or female) know how to please her. most people get as much pleasure from giving it as they do receiving it. you feel great; your partner feels like a champ. win/win.

  • Mrs. Rodius Says:

    I’m amazed by the number of passionate comments on #5. Blow job..oral sex…whatever. Relax – the point is not whether you’re into “dick” or prefer “the lily,” or both. The point is that having the desire, generosity and ability, to let your lover relax and allow him/herself to just let go is valuable and is a way of expressing your passion and love. And who doesn’t want to be thought of as a good fuck? Ignore the anatomy…so some of us like dick. Some of us like lily. You’re a lousy, egocentric lover if you have no thought for your partner’s enjoyment.

  • Felacio the Blowjob Says:

    It is exciting to know that I am still a hot topic. I’d like to remind everyone that a proper blow job is more than just a skill, but an art form, really. Thank you, Maggie, for honoring me in your list. You are now on my top 7 list of hot babes who can work it.

  • Lucky Candice Says:

    Wow. Such a reaction to two simple words. The post was ha ha funny but the comments are hilarious! And for those interested I’m told that the book “Tickle my Pickle” is an excellent how to.

    I’m with #79 – number 5 is my new lingo for blow job.


  • ajmsr Says:

    If you change #5 to something along the lines of ‘Perform oral sex well’ this list would be inclusive of 100% of the population. Great list.

  • Head-giving Woman Says:

    I call BS on #5. It is more important to master masturbation, or at least having an orgasm. So many men are, well, dicks about not reciprocating, that list this passive act smacks of subservience.

  • Em Says:

    You know, I was really excellent at #5, ’til I came out. I even won a related contest once – you are currently speaking to the 2007 BANANA DEEP THROATING LADIES CHAMPION! Ha.

    What I enjoyed about the whole process was that it gave so much pleasure to the man involved without me expending all that much effort – and without having to endure being touched myself. (Could have been a clue, perhaps.)

    Anyhow, now that I’ve recognized myself for who I am, I’m looking forward to honing my skills on the fairer sex!


  • tiff Says:

    Every gal should learn to make something from scratch. I live in the south, so this is an imperative skill to have. Friend just have a baby? Bring her fresh baked bread or biscuits. Know someone in grief? Bring them a pie. New neighbor? How about cookies?

  • gorgeous black women Says:

    I’ve learned that more women have trouble receiving sexual favors than giving them.

  • MontanaJen Says:

    Me, my husband, and a couple of friends of ours were having dinner one night. The friends happened to be a lesbian couple who have known my husband for about a decade longer than I have.

    Husband was talking to one of the guests about fishing (he’s quite good, is a guide) and her partner said, “Yeah – I should really take you up on the offer of lessons. I heard you’re just the best.”

    Husband replied,”As Jen will tell you, there are two things I’m good at. Fly fishing and cunnilingus.” Our guests were thoroughly charmed.

    God bless him, he’s absolutely right. I hope he thinks that I’m just as good at…ahem…casting.

    Moral of the story – it’s something that my husband and I give to one another in a loving way. I hope that those who are disgusted or ‘above’ such an act can experience it one day as the super-fabulous treat it is.

  • rachel Says:

    Great list. Very clever and straight to the point.

  • catherine Says:

    I’ve mastered all of those. I am a rock star.

  • Lori Says:

    What a thoroughly awesome list.

  • LL Says:

    #whatever (I’ve lost track, I’m sorry. So sorry.) Learn to accept a compliment gracefully.

    “Wow, you look really nice today!” “Why thank you, how sweet.”

  • Megan Says:

    Any kind of general list is going to be full of at least a little crap. No? And supposed to be taken with a grain of salt. No?

    The Esquire list, for example should have been narrowed a bit and couched as “Things American middle class men between the ages of X and X might want to consider.” You know, b/c I know a lot of guys who don’t like baseball and men who have no time or cause to learn how to tie a bow tie. And ‘give a woman an orgasm’? Sounds like it’s a formula one-size-fits all type strategy.

  • Nancy Says:

    #8 — not write anything you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable explaining to your child or having your parents know. Blowjob? Really? That’s important to you? Or does it just make you seem hip? I enjoyed your blog until now.

  • Zezelia Says:

    You need one more! Except it’s something everyone should master regardless of which genitalia you are attached to. How to give an apology… a good one… especially in those instances when you’ve accidentally hurt someone or something… I’m thinking of my boyfriend’s mother in particular when I write this… *wink*

  • Andra Says:

    @#96 by the time Hank gets around to reading this particular entry, I bet he’ll know exactly what a blowjob is. Lighten up.

  • Felacio the Blowjob Says:

    #96: Hip? No. A Classic. Will never go out of style as long as men have dicks. And women have mouths.

  • tgcali Says:

    Something that touches on #5 (thinking of that as a code word will drive me into fits of giggles for a long time to come) that hasn’t been mentioned here are those of us who were subjected to sexual molestation at a very young age. In my case I was six and it was oral.

    As a result, obviously, I spent many years being unable to tolerate oral sex whether it was given or received. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way anymore because it sure is fun.

    May I just say, as is true with ANY sexual act, if it is not completely comfortable for BOTH partners, it is not acceptable. Period. (and if you’re feeling obligated you are NOT feeling completely comfortable)

    Having said all that, I have never found the act to be degrading. Why is it supposed to be?