Archive for April, 2004

From the back of the bus comes a belch that sends out sound waves you can feel against your skin. The volume and intensity of this belch are unrivaled. Everyone turns, ears ringing, to find the culprit slouched in his seat. He has pulled up the neck of his T-shirt to cover his mouth. “EX-cuuse […]

I sit down on the bus next to a guy my age. He smiles winningly; I pull out my magazine. “What are you reading?” he asks. I show him the cover. “Oh. GQ?” “No,” I reply, “Esquire.” I go back to reading. “… Isn’t that a men’s magazine?” he asks. “Mmmhmm,” I say, and continue […]

Two good things from Defective Yeti:

“Inguinal” means ” Of, relating to, or located in the groin.”
My barista is jittery and high-strung. I find this comforting, like a barber with well-coifed hair.

Me: That bar’s called The Caucus.
Bryan: Come on in and argue for eight hours. By the end of the evening, we must reach consensus.

This man is walking along the street in a pair of sweats and a rain slicker. His hair is long and gray, bald in patches, and it seems to be reaching away from his scalp in every direction. He is holding a sign that says DOWN WITH DIKS. He passes someone with a video camera, […]

Josh Cagan, is a peculiarly good guy. The guy to whom you’d give your spare set of keys, the guy who would be extra-careful with your newborn infant, the guy who worries about you when something has you down.
Josh recently sold his first screenplay for a jillion dollars. He was in LA, and he flew […]

Discipline Possible in Aggressive Sorority Blood Drive
But will it be whips or hot candle wax? Safe word: excellence.

I had a gyno appointment today.
How did that go?
OK. My vagina is perfectly healthy.
That’s good news.
Yeah. It was funny, the gynecologist was making small talk while she’s examining me. Like, “Oh, you’re a writer? My dad’s a writer too.”
Ha! I had that happen. We were having this conversation and she’s […]

Do you ever watch “Newlyweds?” I’m ashamed of how much I love it.
Yeah. I can’t look away.
She’s so greeeaat.
Yeah, have you seen her latest video?
No.
It’s all about her being a super-cutesy inept housewife. You can tell it’s not an act because at one point she tries to be all sexy by removing her rubber cleaning […]

The best parts of Bel Canto by Ann Patchett:
“The room was filled with the pleasant smell of candles just snuffed, a smoke that was sweet and wholly unthreatening. A smell that meant it was late now, time to go to bed.”
“The room was sugared with promise.”
“They were early [to the opera], but other people were […]