Observation by Loriloo:

“Don’t Think That’s In The Book

Observed:
Overweight couple sharing a platter of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, each reading their own copy of Dr. Phil’s The Ultimate Weight Solution: 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom.”

EXPLODING DOG

How long has it been since you visited Exploding Dog:

He decided not to go back there anymore

How did this get my eye?

Is this really all there is?

An what if I do?

I never expected this

Dong Resin has a better tagline than you, “Speaking and removing all doubt. More funnyness:

“…My taxation suggestions for the Sunshine State :

Any insect larger than your head

Anything that big with that many hands has to have some form of currency on it. It probably has real estate holdings and a mistress. Tax that fuck.

Any dipshit with an “interesting pet”

By interesting, I mean any sad cry for attention that’s not a dog, cat, or bunny rabbit. Bunny rabbits are a pretty stupid pet too, but they get a pass because nobody takes them to the beach to try to get laid. I want people who try to make themselves interesting by harboring some stupid animal to pay extra for the privilege of being allowed to be that emotionally stunted and not be routinely hunted for sport…

And by “dog”, I mean a dog, not something that looks like Mr. Worf took a shit and decided to name it. Shih Tzus, Shar peis,.. anything I have to look up to spell properly, you fuckers have to pay the tax.

Wiggers

Any white kid who lives in a gated community but talks like Flavor Flav did when he was still on the rock has to pay $12,000 a year to the NAACP. $14,000 if he tires to intimidate people with it…”

“I see we’ve mapped out the genome structure of the poodle.

Naturally, I pray this will lead to some sort of cure.”

It’s my birthday! I turn twenty-eight this year. It’s been a very good year. Let’s celebrate with a little bitta Leslie Harpold.

Go read Leslie’s very short essays. Three of my favorites are excerpted and linked below.

“Unsaid”

To the woman who leapt out in front of me on Houston Street and jumped into the cab I had hailed, looking over her shoulder at me, saying “Survival of the fittest, sorry!” as she climbed in:

Fuck you. That was just rude.

“On Being Good”

“I am going to grab you by the collar, push my lips to your ear and whisper in my most murderous tone “I am not only a good girl I am the best good girl there is.”

“Fifty Things I Did Not Do This Weekend

“7. Build a model railroad to scale. I also did not build one not to scale.”

From Dooce:

“Jon and I smoked weed for the first and last time together, a little over a year ago, a horrible experience wherein Jon sat relaxed and groovy on one end of the couch and I sat uncomfortably transfixed at the other end, completely convinced that Jon was going to figure out that I couldn’t hold my shit together while high on pot and leave me for someone who could hold their shit together while high on pot. I kept repeating in my head, Hold your shit together, hold your shit together, and I couldn’t say anything but, Huh? when Jon asked how I was doing. I just knew that he knew that I was not holding my shit together and that our wonderful and loving relationship was coming to an abrupt end. After 17 or 18 Huh? responses I finally mustered what I thought was the most coherent sentence in the world, something that would prove to him that I was so keeping my shit together, and I said, ‘I want our kids to know and to understand the magic that is Bob Marley.’ A year later and we’re still together, people. It totally worked!”