Mighty Life List
Feb 28 2002

Overheard: City Parking

Scenario: Two young men walking to work. One is wearing leather pants; the other, sport sandals and a baseball cap.

Guy 1: Did I tell you that you can park over there for ten bucks? Right there. All day.

Guy 2: Shit. That’s a good reason to get a car.

Guy 1: Yeah it is.

Feb 27 2002

Actual Sky

From Beckian Fritz Goldberg’s “Being Pharoh”

Each time we fall out of love, we

say it wasn’t really love at all, as if,

landing, a plane would say no, not

actual sky.

Feb 25 2002

Land That I Love

Slowdog says: In the Fry’s Electronics store in Palo Alto, the American flag hangs proudly over the porn section of the magazine rack. God bless America!

4:21 p.m.

Feb 23 2002

Biathalon: Cross-country Ski and Shoot

Context

Him: Don’t we have more guns per capita than any other nation? We are a nation of guns! Why aren’t we taking this event?

Me: Perhaps if the targets bled.

How much for the team?

Him: This would make a great bachelor party

Me: A ski and shoot?

Him: Yeah. They’re all these tight chicks, they’re wearing spandex body suits, and they shoot at shit. That’s way better than some stripper.

Hurry up Helga

The biathalon isn’t exactly a fast-paced sport. They play up-tempo music over the loudspeakers to amp the crowd, but the race is pretty much decided several minutes before it ends. Announcers still have to come up with something to say, and they often don’t speak English as a first language. Highlights:

  • Five minutes before finish: Unless something freaky happens to her on the course, it looks like the German team will take it.
  • Three minutes before finish: If you look at the video board time, then it’s like the Germans are running around with a smile on their lips.
  • One minute before finish (only one competitor is even in sight of the finish line): She’s looking behind her, to see if anyone can beat her. But 33 seconds, it’s too much.
Feb 23 2002

Women’s Hockey, Germany V.S. Kazakstan

After a few beers, rooting for Kazakstan can be very satisfying. When the crowd goes quiet, there’s nothing like the simple, yet elegant, KAZAKSTAN! Or the quintessentially American, GO BIG BLUE! My companion favored, GO FORMER SOCIALIST SOVIET REPUBLIC!
I love hockey.

Feb 23 2002

Men’s Speed Skating 1000M

I have never seen so many clothed naked men in my life. Also, the Korean uniforms make their skaters look like giant cereal boxes.

Feb 23 2002

Hot or Not, Live

Him: Did the National Gaurdsman kick the magnometer when you walked through?

Me: What?

Him: They do that to girls, especially pretty girls. They kick it to make it beep. We had to talk to them about it.

Me: You’re kidding me.

Him: Nope.

Me: Huh

Him: It didn’t beep when you walked through?

Me: No.

Him: Oh.