Biathalon: Cross-country Ski and Shoot

23rd February 2002


Him: Don’t we have more guns per capita than any other nation? We are a nation of guns! Why aren’t we taking this event?

Me: Perhaps if the targets bled.

How much for the team?

Him: This would make a great bachelor party

Me: A ski and shoot?

Him: Yeah. They’re all these tight chicks, they’re wearing spandex body suits, and they shoot at shit. That’s way better than some stripper.

Hurry up Helga

The biathalon isn’t exactly a fast-paced sport. They play up-tempo music over the loudspeakers to amp the crowd, but the race is pretty much decided several minutes before it ends. Announcers still have to come up with something to say, and they often don’t speak English as a first language. Highlights:

  • Five minutes before finish: Unless something freaky happens to her on the course, it looks like the German team will take it.
  • Three minutes before finish: If you look at the video board time, then it’s like the Germans are running around with a smile on their lips.
  • One minute before finish (only one competitor is even in sight of the finish line): She’s looking behind her, to see if anyone can beat her. But 33 seconds, it’s too much.