Interior design and pet wrangling by Victoria Smith of sfgirlbybay, who is a lovely host. It’s possible I was not sober when I did this on Instagram. (Speaking of which, my favorite thing about this photo Victoria took is how I might as well be naked and people would still only notice Victoria’s rug. Internet, you are weird.)

Lucy is so proud of your progress.

The hand soap dispenser is a stickler for details.

The apron made cookies for the Science Olympiad team.

The sewing machine goes to bed at 8 p.m. on a Saturday.

This Catherine Holm saucier never knows what to say when people ask what she does.

This Vermouth is living in his parents’ rec room.

This throw pillow feels overdressed.

This cheese plate is tired of discussing Sartre.

This chalkboard can barely admit how he feels.

This air fern is secretly in love with the West Elm vase.

This George Nelson lamp was afraid of you in high school.

This task lamp is busy right now.

This egg isn’t sure about being born into this world. Not like this.

These antlers don’t really like cocktail parties.

This foot scored higher on the SATs than you.

This glass of wine is unimpressed.