4.1.02 PUBLIC RESTROOMS

The toilet paper dispenser says Executive on the side. This gives me pause. It has never occurred to me that this is a situation in which I should feel professional.

On Main Street, everyone waits until the light is green before they’ll cross. Main Street is blocked off.

Glenn’s Key Lock and Safe has one of those marquee signs. Right now it says, Everyone is a star. Hey. Thanks, Glenn.

The cab driver is hacking. The kind of hacking that comes from deep in the chest, but doesn’t seem to be doing any good. Between hacks, he wheezes, trying to get air some air in behind his coughs. He pauses for a moment, and says Mind if I smoke?

I found a flyer on the street a few days ago for an escort service. It’s called “Teeky’s Got the Hook-Up.” According to the flyer, “Teeky” offers student and senior discounts. Sweet.

Happy Valentine’s Day, all. I’ll be in Utah for the next few days, so updates may be erratic/non-existent.

11:55 a.m.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN

Friday Night

• Two boys are making noise on 2nd Street. One is yipping, one is mee-meeping like the Road Runner. The dog-boy sees me as they pass and lunges, BARK Right in my face.
• On Clement Street the cable car driver plays the bell like a steel drum. ding-ding-ding, ding-ding-da-ding
• At Kell’s I realize I’ve forgotten my ID. The doorman will not believe that I am 26. He asks where I live. He asks about my favorite neighborhood bar. He asks what the bartender looks like.
• I’ve arrived in the middle of a conversation: That would be a great band name. What? Dermatological Opposites.

Sunday Night

• I meet someone who uses the same online dating service as my sister. I ask if he has read my sister’s ad. He has. This stranger and my sister share an exact demographic profile. For this reason, I like him more.
• We put in a Stevie Wonder CD in the boombox resting on the kitchen table. It is too loud, so we move the radio to the floor. We decide Stevie on the Floor would be a good band name.

Last Night

• My cab gets in an accident, the other guy’s fault. The two drivers make an agreement to pull to the side of the road to further inspect the damage. As we are pulling out, the other driver guns it across three lanes of traffic and takes off the wrong way down a one-way street. God has His finger on that guy now.

This morning

• I drop my magazine in the bathtub.
• There is a leaf dangling from the orange tree on 25th Street. It is twisting from a single strand of spider web.

11:06 a.m.

FIGHTIN WORDS

Many nations are realizing (that) when we say you’re either with us or against us we mean it, Bush said. There’s no middle ground when it comes to freedom and terror.

Switzerland, watch your back.

10:26 a.m.

TOLD YOU SO

Lunching at a favorite Chinese food restaurant with a friend:

Me: This water tastes like sperm.

Her: Whaat?

Me: Yep.

Her: Are you serious?

Me: It’s not strong. I think it’s the detergent or something. Taste it.

Her: No. Way. Don’t drink that.

Me: There’s no detritus floating around or anything.

Her: Sick.

A few months later we travel to Bali together. We decide to lunch at a cafe down the street from our hotel.

Me: (Sips water, reflects.)

Her: (Sips water.)

Me: This is what I was talking about.

Her: What?

Me: Do you taste it?

Her: The sperm, you mean?

Me: Yep.

Her: Yep.

Me: It’s got to be some weird cheap-o brand of dish detergent.

Her: Let’s hope so.

2:21 p.m.

SERENDIPITY

I bought a used version of The Best American Travel Writing 2000. While I was reading it this morning, someone’s old airplane-ticket stub fell out.

10:25 a.m.

SIGH

I found a crumpled index card on the street. It reads, “Funny how the freedom of youth turns to loneliness in old age.”

4:29 p.m.