As the friend who sent this to me notes, Sally Struthers is always good for a laugh. From Satire Wire’s Please, Help Sally Save the Dot-Coms.
With each passing day, dot-coms are finding it increasingly difficult to stay
alive. Cut off from further venture funding or bank credit, without access to
sufficient revenues, many are forced to make choices about which essentials
they can afford: salaries or benefits, marketing or product development, sales
or office parties? Choices no one should have to make. Despair takes the
place of hope.10:14 a.m.
Tag: excerpts
From this week’s Onion:
Hypothetical Question Clearly Not Hypothetical
YUMA, AZ– Brad Thorstadt was rattled Monday,
when hiking partner and longtime friend Ken
Daniels asked him a hypothetical question that
clearly was not hypothetical. “What the hell did
he mean by, ‘Hypothetically speaking, if you and
Cheryl were into threesomes, would you consider
me?'” Thorstadt asked. “That’s not the kind of
thing you just ask hypothetically.” Thorstadt
added that he likes Daniels and everything, but
damn.3:08 p.m.
Overheard a city mom talking to her little girl. They passed a produce stand and mom said:
“Look at the all the fruits and vegetables! Do you see the asparagus?” Pointing to a stack of neatly trussed bunches. “You have a toy asparagus at home, but that�s how they grow in the wild.”
I�d like to hear her take on hamburger.
12:40 p.m.
Some of the things Deepak Chopra says don’t really mean anything.
“Letting your inner awareness easily feel your body, greatly smooths any sort of stress release.”
10:52 a.m.
My boss got a press release on the world’s fastest thawing spaghetti. The last line is a classic:
“Spaghetti innovations are rare,” said a spokesman for the UCC Ueshima
affiliate.11:18 a.m.
From Matthea Harvey’s “One Filament Against the Firmament”
Sight tests had been conducted on them all as Children these ones could examine a dewdrop Perched on a furred leaf & not cry when it fell to The ground5:41 p.m.
A moment of “My Way” wisdom: .
“For what is man?
What has he got?
If not himself,
Then he has not!”
3:13 p.m.
Stolen from Pith and Vinegar, and I couldn’t agree more:
“The Gallery of “Misused” Quotation Marks. Read. Learn. Don’t do it any more.”
10:19 a.m.
Xanthic Of, relating to, or tending toward a yellow color.
2:50 p.m.
A post I relate to from Onfocus:
“This whole daylight savings time thing is throwing me off. I find myself wide awake at 6:30, trying to do math. The
groggy internal dialogue goes something like this: now is it really 5:30 or 7:30? should I be more tired than I am?
why am I awake if it’s really 5:30? it must be 7:30. should I sleep for a while to try to acclimate to this time?
should I just get up? Then I lay around, awake. Not being productive at waking life. Not being productive at
sleeping. In a hazy purgatory of hours rolling forward and backward. ”12:40 p.m.
Stolen from the archives of one of my favorite blogs,
An Entirely Other Day:“So there’s this over-weight 45-year-old woman
standing in line at Rite-Aid. She’s wearing
leopard-skin tights, and waiting to buy a
twelve-pack of beer and one of those backyard
Tiki torches.And people say Americans aren’t subtle.”
9:13 a.m.
Mighty Girl 