Tag Archives: commentators

An Expert Opinion

19th September 2008

You know how Olympic commentators tell you when someone doesn’t have their toes pointed quite right, or why a particular maneuver is impressive? You start to develop this quasi-expert knowledge of the sports you follow, which you then promptly forget for the next four years.

Wouldn’t it better to have commentators for more quotidian things? Things you could learn that would really have an impact on your quality of life? For example, we could each be assigned a commentator for our early twenties who would follow us around offering insight into our performances:

“This maneuver she’s attempting could be a bit psychologically tough on her, because throughout her dating career, she’s proven to be a nervous talker. Let’s see how she does…

Oh! Oh! Big-time overshare, Bob. That is devastating for her. Let me just explain what happened a bit here, her date did not need to know she’s still having drunken hookups with her ex. Wow! That was out of nowhere.

Whew. That is really gonna cost her.”