In a museum the other day:
Are those real skulls?
Huh. I don’t know.
I’ll check the materials tag.
What does it say?
“Oil and human skulls on canvas.”
Yep.
Overheard
A man and woman are headed toward the junkyard where the Second Annual Power Tool Drag Races are about to begin. He’s sporting a mohawk and kilt with no underwear, she’s wearing a bra with dozens of three inch spikes on the cups. He says, “So you were a cheerleader, or you just have the pom-poms?”
On the Road
You know you’ve lived in a big city too long when room-service prices at the Fairmont look cheap. The best thing about being on the 19th floor is standing right in front of the bay window, naked, brushing your teeth.
Bryan has packed five tubes of chapstick in his travel bag.
TivoLution
Do you remember the first time you said something stupid and had a reflex to hit the undo command? That’s happening to me with TiVo technology now. In the last few weeks, I’ve had the urge to rewind NPR more than once. In conversation, if I want someone to get to the point, I think, “bloop-bloop, bloop-bloop.”
Confucious says
Eliza’s has toothbrush vending machines in the bathroom. For some reason, I find this unsavory. Perhaps it’s because I normally associate bathroom vending machine products with people’s crotches. Word to the wise: If you’re looking for something to put in your mouth, don’t begin your search in a public restroom.
Two Happy Things
- People who gesticulate wildly when they’re on the phone
- People who touch your shoulder and apologize after they’ve bumped you on the bus
Adventure in Bad Copywriting
Has anyone listened to the rapper in the background on that Dodge Durango commercial? He actually says: “I grab life like I grab my wife!”
Which is just a smidge more awful than the compelling tagline on the posters for the new Lizzie McGuire movie: “She’s leaving home and going to Rome.”
What I Didn’t Know Yesterday
etude n. Music
A piece composed for the development of a specific point of technique.
[from Old French estudie, study.]
Projecting
Do you understand those people who keep colonies of stuffed animals in the rear windows of their cars? Do they hope that other motorists will see the collection and be impressed by their obvious appreciation of cute cuddliness? At night, aren’t they concerned that the especially cute, cuddly ones will come to life and wriggle their way into the front seat to lie in wait for their return?
Eau De Poached Salmon
When I wear perfume, I usually wear lemon verbena, sometimes vanilla. My favorite lipstick tastes sweet and smells like chocolate. Bryan’s mom was getting me some lotion as a gift and asked Bryan what kind of perfumes I like. He said, “She likes to smell like food.”
Mighty Girl 