Got it

There is a bongo player on the sidewalk, and a woman has stopped to dance. She has only one leg.

She raises her arms above her head, hitting the air with each beat, bending at the knee and bumping her rear to the music. She’s an excellent dancer.

All of us crane our necks to watch. The two young men next to me let out low whistles. “Damn,” one of them says. “She got it.”

Little Mysteries

The morning after Fruity Drink Night, our kitchen is crawling with ants.

Me: Glah! Where did all of these ants come from?

Bryan: Could it be the simple syrup on the counter?

Me: Or maybe the open container of confectioner’s sugar?

Bryan: Or the chunks of watermelon.

Josh: Or perhaps it was the Purina Ant Chow.

Overheard: in the End, Girls Marry Kyle

Scenario: A well-dressed girl in the parking garage waits for the valet as she talks on her cell phone. She is in distress.

So he’s like, “It’s my opinion. Do you want me to change my opinion?” And I’m like, “No. That’s your opinion. Keep it. Fine.” So he’s all, “It’s nothing personal.” And I’m like, “It’s law school, of course it’s personal.” You know. Like, are you not getting the logic here?…

Exactly. I mean, when he was looking for a job, I was so supportive, you know?…

Exactly….

Kyle, you don’t even know. I’m like, are you fucking kidding me right now?…

Dude! It’s just, it’s just… I don’t even know.

Plan B

Our friend Josh is in for the weekend. We’re having a quiet, excessively hung over breakfast at the Pork Store.

Me: Where are we going today?

Bryan: Well, Lori wants to meet up, and she’s babysitting her godchildren.

Me: Right. We were talking about going to the Exploratorium.

Josh: What’s that?

Me: It’s a kids’ science museum with all these exhibits you can touch. The kids can kind of run around.

Josh: We’re going to the museum of screaming?

Me: That’s one way to put it.

Bryan: They also have drums!

Me: And flashing lights!

Unwinding

I decide to watch a little TV, and realize there’s an “Oprah” on Tivo that I haven’t seen. I read the show description:

“Children sold into prostitution, children trained to kill, babies raped by men.”

Yeah. So, if I flip over to VH1 to watch “Behind the Music” with George Michael, I’m definitely going to hell.

Insecure

The bathrooms have little “security seal” stickers all over everything. I think they’re supposed to indicate that no one has placed a bomb in the paper-towel rack. By day three, all of the seals are broken. While the absence of security seals wouldn’t concern me, for some reason, the broken security seals are making me think twice about using the soap.

I Need to Sleep

I’ve always known that I tear up when I hear large groups of people singing patriotic songs. So it was no surprise when I had to bust out my hanky for the “Star Spangled Banner.” “This Land is My Land”? Check. “America the Beautiful”? Check. And then “Johnny Be Good” came on.