Famous among dozens
Yesterday we got to go home early because of the power shortage. Rolling blackouts are the Californian equivalent of snow days.
2:01 p.m.
The best headlines from this month’s Martha Stewart Living:
- Putting Baking Stones to Use
- Why Scald Milk?
- Arrangement of the Month: Forsythia Fan
11:52 a.m.
EMAIL MOMENT!
Subject: Med school epiphanies and my bony ass.
Excerpt:
“I learned how to calculate my body mass index today. There’s overweight,
obese I, obese II, and obese III. After that, there’s just a picture of
Jabba the Hut.Take your weight in lbs. as the numerator.
Divide by your height in inches, squared (e.g. if you’re 60″, that’s 3600
inches squared). Take this number and multiply it times 703. If its greater than
than 25, it’s time to get your fat ass to Gold’s (me). If it’s less than 18, it’s
time to get your bony ass to Sizzler (you).”3:23 p.m.
From Accidental:
100 Ways to say I LOVE YOU: I’m still waiting for “100 Ways
to say LET’S JUST BE FRIENDS,” or “100 Ways to say IT’S
NOT YOU, IT’S ME.” Or how about “100 Ways to say I
DON’T REALLY LIKE YOU, BUT WE CAN STILL HAVE
SEX.” That’s the clincher, in my book.”10:05 a.m.
From Magnificent Melting Object:
“Rasbliutto means ‘the feeling you feel for someone you once loved’ in Russian.”3:11 p.m.
I did the Geary Street pub crawl for St. Patrick’s Day. My friend and I were standing in a sea of drunken green men, and I mentioned that I wanted to get rid of my gum. An earnest looking young man held his hand out below my mouth. I pulled my eyebrows together, but he just nodded and pushed his palm closer to my chin. So I gave a “your idea, buddy” shrug and spit my gum into his hand. He dropped it and pushed on through the crowd. He dropped it on my shoe.
9:42 a.m.
We just launched Web Techniques Daily (ie: the Web Tech Blog). I’ll be posting there pretty frequently, so if you want to see what I look like in semi-professional mode, head on over.
2:45 p.m.
This has been around for awhile, but have you seen Heavy Metal Parking Lot? This guy took a video camera into the parking lot of a Judas Priest concert in the ’80s and interviewed concert goers. The best part is when a girl tells the camera that she’s 13, the guy standing next to her says he’s 21, then he gives her a deep, tongue-intensive kiss for the camera. I’ve rarely experienced something so simultaneously chilling and hilarious. Well, maybe that “Making of Growing Pains” thing I watched a few days ago, but still.
10:39 a.m.
Astute observation from Strangebrew:
“If I can only give you one piece of advice, it’s this: don’t put a unicorn lover in charge of the decorations.”2:52 p.m.
There are good people and there are bad people: Thief steals man’s $15,000 artificial leg out of car. Also, teachers are citing 6 year olds for sexual harassment now. Ow. Someone make it stop.
9:55 a.m.
EMAIL MOMENT!
From: A guy who reads my blog
Subject: Bloggers say the darndest things
qt_freak:
Damn, I like your site, it’s pretty funny. If only you had more substance to it. A better lay out would be cool too, but yeah, just saying you have a fan.
Me:
Hi, thanks for the note. I clicked around your site a
little bit. Just like you, I’m a big Slurpee fan.
Jesus, we’re like the same person. Well, except that
I’m not big into “dressing up like a ninja and tagging
your mother’s bearded biscuit from the back.” But I’m
funny that way.[Now he’s plugged me, and I’ve plugged him. I’m sitting back and saying a little prayer to the absurdity gods that I get audience overlap with a site that has a “Bitch of the Week” feature. Rad.]
2:14 p.m.
My knee is knee shaped again. When I stand, I no longer feel extraneous fluid rush down my leg. These are good things. For those of you who don’t care, here’s some Etch-a-sketch art. Callous bastards.
9:18 a.m.
“I’m a sensitive guy. Some guys drink beer and write their name in the snow, I drink herbal tea and write haiku poetry in the snow.”
(The Very Strange World of John Saleeby)12:46 p.m.
Mark’s friend had just interviewed Michael Cunningham, author of The Hours. Mark was kind enough to send me the interview, soon to be published in Abercrombie and Fitch Quarterly (Beh?), and it had one line that particularly struck me: “I still find myself walking on a street I walk every day, looking around and
thinking, ‘My god, it’s like this.'”9:20 a.m.
EMAIL MOMENT!
Subject: On distaff and my bony ass.
Me:
What is it with men and baked goods? A man may be
impressed by your brain, or your body, or whatever, but if you walk into
the room with an apple pie, his eyes roll up into his
head and his mouth starts frothing. It’s like,
“Well I knew you were hot, but I didn’t know you
baked..”Him:
It speaks to our lizard brain. It is hard to starve with a woman who
bakes. A woman who bakes can compensate for myriad detrimental
evolutionary traits, such as narrow hips, an waistline that suggests
infertility, and a brain that is too smart or too dumb for her prospective
mate. Baking is tantamount to survival. Additionally, very few men have
the moxie, time, or inclination to bake. Baking is a place that is solidly
in the woman’s world. Women bake, lap dance, look pretty on game shows,
heal, and mediate. Men bust broncs, and philosophize. Just the way it is.Me:
You have such an odd, offensive little take on things.
Remind me never to bring you cupcakes lest you request
a lap dance.Him:
Your butt would poke holes in my jeans.
4:28 p.m.
Nothing screams invalid like an hour spent watching “Growing Pains, Behind the Scenes.” Yeah. Should I perchance ask for Jell-O or a good book of crossword puzzles, please just pretend like you didn’t hear me.
10:25 p.m.
I just returned from knee surgery. I am currently doped up enough that if we were in a bar, all of you would look very attractive to me. Wheee.
1:42 p.m.
I hesitate to post this so soon after the bumper dumper link, but who am I to let good taste override your entertainment? I hereby present stuff people have crammed up their bums. The site comes complete with x-rays and medical reports. There are the standard bottles and phallic vegetables, and then there’s the guy who made a cement cast of his anus and the person who crammed a kangaroo tumor.
3:13 p.m.
Litotes — understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by the
negative of the contrary (as in “not a bad blog” or “not
unhappy”)9:57 a.m.
Mighty Girl 