Author: maggeh

Wedding Quotes

Me: What about, ” Where there is love, there is pain.”

Her: That’s perfect.

Me: “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.”

Her: Coffee and what?

Me: “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.”

Her: Pottery?

Other promising options include:

  • Loving a woman who scorns you is like licking honey from a thorn.
  • Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
  • What female heart can despise gold?

Stuffy

On the corner of Eddy and Polk there is a slow, shuffling man without pants. More accurately, this man has decided to pull down his pants and underwear until they are just below his bare bum. This makes it difficult to walk, but he inches along, drawing barely a glance from those around him. Who would begrudge him a little air?

San Francisco tolerance combined with the temperate clime is apparently a recipe for men without pants. I’ve seen scores in the past few years, and it continues to crack me up. Somehow, I’ve never been moved to take off my own pants and walk around. Maybe I need to loosen up.

Copy Paper Run

Office Max has stereos for sale. A customer who’s testing the speakers tunes it to a hip-hop station.

Me: Nothing makes you feel whiter than gangsta rap

Rachel: Gangsta rap in Office Max.

Me: True dat.

Chances Are

I go grocery shopping with Rachel, and suddenly our cart is missing.

Where’s our cart?

Wha..?

Where’s our cart?

Shit, my wallet was in there.

Shit.

Rachel hunts down the embarrassed girl who accidentally took our cart, reclaims the cart and my wallet, and puts my wallet in her purse. Ten minutes later the cart is about half full.

Where’s our cart?

Right there.

Where?

Behind the potatoes.

No, it’s not.

What the f—?

This is unbelievable.

We hunt down the new girl who took our cart. She gives us a nasty look as we approach. She does not like people. She especially does not like people approaching her cart.

Excuse me, I think you may have accidentally taken our cart.

I don’t think so. This is my cart. (sneers)

Oh… Uh…

This is my cart.

Really? Did you have two bags of broccoli…

This is definitely my cart. (begins pulling cart away from us)

…and two separate bags of potatoes and two separate bags of snap peas…

Oh. I guess it isn’t my cart.

Yeah.

Sorry.

No problem.

That last bit, the apology? It was unconvincing. Later, we were forced to mock her. “This is my Mac ‘N’ Cheese.” “Oh, I don’t think so. What you have there is my Mac ‘N’ Cheese.”

Hectic

Life has been busy lately. Wedding planning combined with book proposal writing has kept my brain humming. A few days ago, I made myself lunch, and sat down to work. About an hour later, I wondered why I was so hungry, having just eaten. I thought for a minute, and walked over to the microwave. Inside was my lunch.

Unbearable and Trifling

From Life of Pi by Yann Martel:

“I would have won the Governor General’s Academic Medal… were it not for a beef-eating pink boy with a neck like a tree trunk and a temperament of unbearable good cheer.

I still smart a little at the slight. When you’ve suffered a great deal in life, each additional pain is both unbearable and trifling.”