8 thoughts on “Undermining Yourself

  1. Oof is right. While I’ve heard women say this, my response has always been to shrug it off. What’s wrong with being “too” polite, right? But Jocelyn’s post does such a job of pointing out why it’s much more problematic.


  2. This reminds me of a scene from The Good Wife where Alicia Florrick was categorized as someone who says “Sorry” or “Excuse me” when bumped accidentally as opposed to someone who says “Watch it!” etc.


  3. Instead, I am going to make a resolution to not let anyone police my language, whether it is “sorry” or “just” or no problem.”


  4. Mine has been “just.” I’m making a concerted effort to stop saying “just.” Just writing to check in, just wondering if you, etc.


  5. It troubles me when someone says they’re having X problem (illness, shitty day, whatever) and I say “I’m so sorry” and they say “It’s not your fault.” Hello. I am not apologizing. I am empathizing. It’s a normal thing to say when someone’s having a bad time. I don’t want them to “accept my apology,” I want them to say “Aw, thanks” or “It’ll get better” or “You’re a good friend” or “I need a hug” or whatever.

    And honestly, I agree with Kayjayoh about not policing language so much. Pleases and thank yous and other softeners are sometimes useful, if you’re choosing them mindfully.


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