Thank you, friends. You’ve made the last couple of days so much better than they would have been without you. Thank you for all of your support, for telling me you were holding my hand, hugging me, keeping me in your thoughts, for offering your guest rooms, hot water bottles, and shoulders. Most of all, thank you for making me feel safe enough to share things with you online. Here’s why that continues to be true.
All of you are part of a community that can leave more than 300 comments on an emotionally sensitive topic, and every last one of you offered support. Not a single comment increased the pain we’re going through — I didn’t have to use the delete button, no one ended up blocked, no one was even a little bit sarcastic. To a person, you have been incredibly gentle, and more gracious than I ever dared to hope.
Thank you for your kindness.
Mighty Girl 
I am saddened by your news, but will send some of what you have given me back your direction. Even in the darkest moments when change seems overwhelming, you are being the opportunity of creating new dreams and goals that may allow you to become even greater than you previously dreamed.
I am a believer that in ever aspect of life we are meant to teach and receive from those around us. I am happy that you have received so much kindness for you have taught so many of us how to dream big. I hope that as you emerge from the emotional fog you continue to dream big and remember support always surrounds you.
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Gentleness and grace – you deserve that, and so much more. And know that in the midst of sharing your pain and confusion, you are providing clarity and hope to so many others out here. Cheers to a bright future.
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Hi Maggie, I’m also delurking to say that I’m thinking of you and your family during this tough time. Your thoughtfulness, creativity, and generosity through this blog has been an inspiration to me, and I’m happy to read that the online community you’ve formed is living up to its best, lovely potential. Much love ❤
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Hi Maggie,
I didn’t comment on your other post but I do want to express my support for you and your family. I have been a long time reader of your blog and have always admired your humor and grace. I hope that these and other wonderful traits will help guide you through this time. Hang in there, sister!!! We, your community, will be patient.
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Consider the comments a reflection of the approach to life you share with us here.
Here’s hoping you happen upon a really awesome little conversation in a cafe that is so quirky you feel compelled to recount it in your mighty way!
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And that alone revives my faith in humanity. In a cruel internet world where there is always someone ready with a snide comment, glad to hear there are still good ppl out there.
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Sometimes I want to give the internet a big kiss right on the mouth.
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Oh dear. The last few times I checked in we were still contemplating Anal Cream. A more lighthearted subject, to be sure.
My heart is with you, Maggie. More than you know.
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Maggie, the attitude here is just as much a reflection of you as it is of your commenters. You’ve cultivated an awesome, supportive, lovely community. Thanks for being one of the women “in my life” (I’ve been reading you for so many years!) that reminds me that we are all fabulous. It seems to me that it is far too easy for women to tear each other down . . . yet everything you write about is building us all back up together. You are a wonderful, positive force 🙂 Thank YOU.
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Maggie – I’m a rare commenter, but your blog brings cheer and fun to my day. Thank you for sharing such personal news with your audience…my thoughts are with you and Hank.
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Hi Maggie,
I thought about you the other day because I went to the dentist (ugh)— a new dentist in a new country (Canada). Anyhow, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. Everyone’s experience with divorce is so different, but I’ll tell you two things that helped with mine. I made a “It could be worse” wall where I stuck post-its with simple phrases like: Chinese coal miner or Russian submarine worker or mother of Justin Bieber. I put the post-its on the back of my front door, so that every time I had to go out into the world (i.e. stop crying, get dressed, etc) I would laugh. Also, don’t go down the divorce aisle in a bookstore. It’s miserable in there! I wrote a short story about my divorce (and my dentist!) because I couldn’t find anyone stories that dealt with the suck of divorce with humor. I’ll send you the book if you want.
And, margaritas for breakfast never hurt anyone.
Hang in there,
Anna
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I’ve been thinking about you and your family. I’m sorry you’re having to be so strong and brave. But you don’t have to do it all at once. Baby steps – like maybe breathing in and out for starters.
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I honestly didn’t comment because I felt like “I’m so sorry” wasn’t really helpful, and I’ve never been divorced, and neither were my parents, so I didn’t think I had that much to add. But I am glad you know (or at least, were reminded of) how much your readers care for and about you and yours.
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I started to comment several times yesterday, but couldn’t think of what to say. You were on my mind all night, I’m just so sorry you are hurting.
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You’ve always been a bright spot on the web for me, and I send you lots of virtual hugs, tea, bourbon, loose-limbed joy and a really great cheese plate. I’ve been there (separation), and oh, it’s so achy and crushing and transformative, like you said. I wish you and your family all the best.
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Add me to the list of people who were too timid initially to delurk. Delurking now b/c you and your family have been in my thoughts since I read your original Bad News post.
I love this Louis L’Amour quote: There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
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Chin up, girl! You have a world of people behind you who will give you a back rub – life can’t be that bad if that’s the case.
And here is something that will cheer you up – http://www.vimeo.com/3237836 – 100 days, 100 songs, 100 locations, 100 dances :):)
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I have recently walked your path. I separated from my husband. We have worked at rebuilding our friendship. We keep our three year old daughter at the center of our decisions. We always treat each other with respect. While I still have moments of unbearable sadness, I feel confident that our daughter will be ok. She is loved beyond measure.
I am sorry for the path you now walk. I am so glad you have such resounding support. It makes the decisions much more bearable and the pain slightly less intense. You display such kindness and gratitude through your blog, it is only right that you would receive the same in kind. Be at peace with your decisions. I am sending many good thoughts your way.
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You’re such a great lady. I’m so sorry that this is what’s happening for you.
Your friend in Philly,
beth
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Darling Maggie,
You are an inspiration to all of us who have read your blog over the years. I wish you and yours everything that is good and healthy–and joyful. You deserve nothing less.
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Maggie,
I’m sure it has been said in one of the numerous comments already left but as a woman with a three year old currently going through the same situation as you (just not quite as amicably) my advice, for what it is worth, is lean on anyone who offers support, don’t be afraid to ask for help, cry when you need to cry, and get therapy, conventional or otherwise. This experience needs to be looked directly in the eyes to be tolerated.
I enjoy reading about your life and will keep your entire family in my prayers.
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Hi Maggie,
It’s Erin. From Odeo days. I am @Noah ex-wife. I just heard about you and Bryan. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish you luck in the transition with your life and family. Separation/divorce is so hard even when it is the right choice for all involved.
I know these things are a long time coming, I hope you are soon on the up-swing in healing and restoring yourself.
I am moving to Prague is a couple of weeks with my new husband and baby. You (and Hank) are welcome to come visit and stay with me anytime in the next couple of years!
Best,
Erin
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I’ve been quietly lurking for years, enjoying your excellent writing and photos from afar. I’m so impressed by your bravery in broaching the topic to a very public forum, and it restores a little of my faith in humanity to know that so many people out there are offering kindness. Best wishes to you.
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Oh my. 7 years ago I was bored at work and somehow found your blog to lighten my day. I wish you and your family the best. Whatever happens don’t lose your terrific sense of humor!
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Maggie,
I have never written before, but love your blog, listen to your music and look up to you in many ways. In short, I feel like I know you.
All I can say is….ummmm, me too. I am going through the same thing. Separated, lost and scared, it totally sucks. The good thing is, I am moving closer to, rather than farther away from, who I want to be and the life I want to live. That is THE ONLY THING I know completely. Also, the only truth that helps when I feel like I have lost my direction completely.
This might not be on your list Maggie, but I think it is fair to say that living authentically and touching life fully are intrinsic to the purpose of this site.
You are brave because of these pursuits and accepting the reality of the unexpected are the tasks that call upon our courage most. So feel the hurt and sorrow and let it mold you into the form you have been moving toward for a long time, because you are strong enough to handle it.
Thank you for the vulnerability you have offered all of us with this blog.
It is a great gift, the best gift…the gift of oneself.
Love,
Your Friend
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I have been a follower for a few years now, and I’m a huge fan of yours. Your family seems so very sweet and smart, and it’s so obvious that you adore your child, which makes me want to be your friend. I felt very weird about how sad I was after reading that you’ve separated, but just because I’ve never met you doesn’t mean I don’t care what happens to you. Thank you for sharing your ups and your downs. Your honesty and willingness to share not just your best side is one of the reasons I admire you so much.
Wishing you health and happiness in all your years to come.
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Maggie, I’m only an occasional reader, but I’ve enjoyed your contributions on Momversation in particular, and when I saw the link on Alice Bradley’s Redbook blog, I wanted to check in. Thank you for sharing your experiences with so many; there are many of us out here who are experiencing what you are, and often without many friends who have been through it. It’s so helpful and comforting to see a woman who is clearly smart and thoughtful and caring find herself in the same boat I’m in, feeling the same sense of bewilderment. I truly wish you and your family the best, and I want to thank you for helping me, and I’m sure many others, feel less alone.
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I admire your strength, tremendously. You will be good 🙂
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I think I can safely say that much of who you are and who you’ve become is because, unknown to many, you’ve already been through hell and back and survived it with an enviable humor and grace. (Even as a toddler, you were already a strong soul with wisdom beyond your years.)
If anyone can weather this new storm and come out better and stronger on the other side, it’s you, Maggie. You’ve obviously garnered the love and well-earned respect of many. I think folks are about to learn just how mighty you can be.
Love by the bushels full to you, Hank and Bryan
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Hi Maggie,
I’m sorry I’m a little late posting a comment. I read your previous post and my heart sank. We’ve never met, and I never comment, and I felt as sad for you as I would a close friend. (The power of internet, n’est ce pas?)
You and your family are in my thoughts… May all the good you’ve done come back to you in a million little ways!
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I admire your bravery for opening up about a very private matter. It makes me happy to see all the good people in the world reaching out.
Hugs to you and your fam.
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So, so sorry to hear this… Even though we have never met, I feel like I have gotten to know you pretty well over the years, and I just wish there was something I could say or do to help you right now… Most of all, I am glad to hear that you and Brian are being so amicable for both Hank’s sake and your own… It comes as no surprise that you are handling yourself with the utmost grace… ::hugs::
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I am a long time reader and a rare commenter. I am so sorry to hear this and will be thinking of your family.
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If you set a tone of caring and compassion and humor on your blog / in your community then when something hard and emotional comes up, that’s how people will react–with the same caring they have seen here in general.
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I was thinking how odd it was to feel sad about someone’s divorce when we’ve never met, and yet, I do feel sad. I’m very sorry and I know it will take a while to feel good again, but I look forward to reading about it when you do.
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Hi Maggie,
I’m yet another lurker, delurking to say I, too, am sorry. You’ve been an inspiration and a source of fun & style to me! Thanks for being vulnerable and reaching out your community for support. What a shining example for others who may need help, but are afraid to ask.
Thanks for all you do! If it weren’t so unsanitary, I would totally be sending a roll of chocolate chip cookie dough your way (the cure for the common sad).
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Even more support coming your way. Sorry to hear the news. Good thoughts and best wishes to you and the rest of the family. Thanks for sharing.
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Ms. Maggie, I’m so sorry. We don’t know each other but I adore you and you’ll get through this. You are always welcome to see me and my friends in Seattle. We have fun, drink too much, yell too much, and have a blast all the while. Karaoke is on Thursdays!
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I was driving to pick up my daughter yesterday, thinking of you. How odd, I thought, to be driving in Fargo and thinking of a woman I’ve never met. But it didn’t feel odd, and I hope you are as well as you can be right now. Blessings.
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We like you A LOT!
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maggie,
you can add me among the many who are holding you and your family close in thought and sending much love. as someone who married around the same time as you and bryan, whose parents split when i was four, i’ve thought of you often in the past couple of days. if i see you around (i’m a sf local), the next drink’s on me. hang in there, lady.
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Maggie, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there, and written the “We’re friends and parents” blog post, and I remember it as among the hardest things I had to do in that long, sad time. So while you’re being gracious and strong for Hank and your dignity, be sure to spend time with friends who will let you vent out whatever you need to. Be sure to keep up with the things you know make you feel good, and know that your posts about acupuncture and exercising have made an impact on a lot of people’s lives. Be sure to ask for help when you need it, and to laugh at the crazy parts of life’s transitions, and to know in your heart of hearts that you are an amazing, beautiful, wonderful person and that in the end, all will be well. We’ll be here for you in the small way that we can.
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Delurking to say I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through such a difficult time. Thank you for your generosity in sharing this with us. Best wishes to you all the way from Melbourne, Australia.
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I remember reading your TMN fashion & etiquette columns (yes I’ve been lurking that long) as a clueless college student, with amusement but also in earnest.
I can’t say that I ever ended up mastering gentility or even elegance, but I did get the message about what courtesy means, the feelings it can represent, and the genuine bonds that it can sustain.
You make people want to be happier, and you inspire people to invest in the things they care about. Thank you! We also care about you. Take your time and we’ll be here!
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Another reader delurking to say I’m sorry.
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You deserve nothing less than kindness and support, especially since over the years I’ve been reading your writing, that’s all I’ve ever seen you give to others. I wish you strength and courage, Maggie. The best is yet to come…
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Maggie, wishing the best to you and your family, because that is what the three of you will always be, no matter what happens. I have the utmost faith that you and Bryan will continue to provide a rich, stimulating and loving life for little Hank, full of travel and adventure. I’ve always been impressed by your intelligence, style and elegance, as well as a certain strength I have sensed underneath your lovely exterior. From what you have written about Bryan, he is an intelligent, sensitive and highly devoted father. I’m sorry to hear this sad news but I know you will both persevere and get through this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your news with us, your readers, and for providing such an enlightening and engaging site for so many years.
All the best to you.
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I say, “Yay” for us!
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It definitely made my heart hurt to hear your news, but also am immensely impressed at how you have handled yourself on your blog in discussing this, and other matters. You’ve maintained your personal boundaries even while discussing intimate topics (like the one about your health challenges). As a result, you’ve created an atmosphere that has encouraged grace and support, and I admire that a lot.
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Hi Maggie,
I’m another person you don’t know who has admired your work and your spirit for years. I thought I spotted you in the crowd once at Alameda, and it was exciting not just because you’re my internet hero, but because I was in San Francisco and at Alameda because of the life list I made that was inspired by you.
I’ve thought about you and cried for you in the last few days, and I am sending you all the strength I can. You are wonderful. Stay strong.
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