Thanks to You

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Thank you, friends. You’ve made the last couple of days so much better than they would have been without you. Thank you for all of your support, for telling me you were holding my hand, hugging me, keeping me in your thoughts, for offering your guest rooms, hot water bottles, and shoulders. Most of all, thank you for making me feel safe enough to share things with you online. Here’s why that continues to be true.

All of you are part of a community that can leave more than 300 comments on an emotionally sensitive topic, and every last one of you offered support. Not a single comment increased the pain we’re going through — I didn’t have to use the delete button, no one ended up blocked, no one was even a little bit sarcastic. To a person, you have been incredibly gentle, and more gracious than I ever dared to hope.

Thank you for your kindness.

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151 thoughts on “Thanks to You”

  1. Oh, that’s so wonderful. I don’t usually comment much on blogs, but I just love seeing the communities that online writing can create.
    Let me add to the love.

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  2. Haven’t commented on the other post, but wow reading was a sock in the gut. I feel for you and your family. Separation and cessation of marriage is so difficult. You handled that post with grace & dignity. I am honored to be a reader. Reaping what you have sown is a lesson my mom drilled into me. This is evidence that what you have put out there is good

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  5. I am a very, very bad commenter, but this warmed my heart. You all are in my thoughts during this hard time. You are really one of my role models, believe it or not.

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  6. So sorry to read your news. I don’t often comment, but thank you for sharing what must’ve been so difficult. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  8. i’m so sorry that things are so hard for you right now. i hope that with time, you can all come to a new form of family, a new form of friendship. i wish you peace and happiness and patience.

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  10. That’s just lovely to read. I’m so glad everyone came through from you and snarky people stayed away. Sending you love.

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  11. It’s as if you’re walking around the deck of a ship in stormy seas, isn’t it? You feel off balance, disoriented and unable to focus. But, hear this, dear one, it gets better. Slowly, but surely. Promise. xoxo

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  15. The internet is so weird. I’ve read your blog for such a long time, don’t know you and yet am compelled to reach out to a total stranger and say, “it’s going to be ok.” I guess that’s what it means to be a fan.

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  16. I don’t even know you but your last post saddened me to my core. I was so broken-hearted for your family. I want you to know I have prayed for all three of you. I prayed for healing (even if that means you don’t end up together) and strength and peace and that you’d be surrounded by love and support.

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  17. Hey Maggie,

    I’ve been sad and thinking about your story all day. Separation is hard. I have been there; there is no pain like it. 😦 I wish I could give you a hug and a stiff drink. I leaned on a couple of books during my transition; maybe they will help.

    When we separated, I didn’t know if we should really split up or not, and this book helped us make a decision. It’s called Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay.

    If things have already progressed past that point, and you know where you’re headed :(((, there is a wise book called Coming Apart: Why Relationships End And How To Live Through The End Of Yours.

    You’re being really brave right now. It is so hard to do the right thing sometimes.

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  18. Maggie, I think all the adjectives you could use to describe your readers and their gentle, kind ways are directly related to all the adjectives people could use to describe you and your gentle, kind ways. You get back what you give, right? You’re the sort of person who has earned an unlimited amount of kindness coming your way.

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  20. I’m happy that you got that much support from your community. Separation is something I couldn’t imagine going through. I’m so happy that you found comfort with us.

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  21. You have helped all of us so much over the years — more and more each year — starting with the Women’s Fashion guides & all the Etiquette over at The Morning News, then with the Might Life List, and most recently with getting one’s health in order — and I hope that we can offer at least a fraction of that assistance back to you. Stay well.

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  22. I was gobsmacked to read your earlier post and just wanted to reach out in some way to send my wishes for strength and equanimity during this painful time. You’ve clearly touched the lives of many people, and I count myself among the ones ready to send the good juju back at you.

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  24. Hi Maggie,

    I’m a long time reader who comments from time to time and very much enjoyed sharing a few drinks with you a few years ago when you visited Vancouver. I wanted to let you know that I’m so sorry to hear about the hard times you and your family are going through. I also wanted to point you in the direction of a blog you probably already know about, but I thought I’d post it just in case:

    Laid off Dad and Ask Moxie have been writing about their experiences with co-parenting at http://whentheflamesgoup.com/

    Like I said, you’ve probably seen it, but just in case not, there it is. Take care of your sweet self!

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  25. Aw, nuts. So sad this is happening to my favorite Internet pretend friend. I called and cried to my husband when I read the news – noooo not Maggie!

    I’ve long admired your verve, your nerve, the artful way you approach living your life and know these things will help sustain you. That and lots of love from slightly imperfect perfect strangers, of course. Best wishes for you all.

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  26. Was so sad to read what’s happening in your life. Wishing you all the strength and compassion and patience that this will require. Glad to hear that you guys are trying to make the best of things. I hope you can find a good balance.

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  28. hi maggie,

    i have been reading your blog for a few years now. about 3-4 months ago i read your posting re: everyone going to ireland bc hank was upset at the prospect of the family being separated.
    this brought tears to my eyes – it is parallel to a level of devotion my parents have always exhibited.
    two weeks later, climbing the MUNI stairs at powell station, who do i encounter but bryan and hank.
    i couldn’t help but exclaim ‘you’re hank! i read your mom’s blog!’

    i am so sorry for the separation. i wish you the very best. if you would like an eternally optimistic southern girl to invade your house and make you the sickest mac n cheese EVER, let me know. i also know a ton of really bad/dirty jokes.

    xxxo
    leah

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  29. I am so glad that people showed the very best side of this lovely community you have created. I am sorry, and glad that you are working so hard to preserve a healthy parenting relationship. And please let me add my guest room (in Maui!) and hot water bottle to the list of places you can sleep and borrow a hot water bottle. (Sadly, it’s getting harder and harder to find someone with a good hot water bottle, n’est pas?) Lots of gentle hugs, and thanks for once again giving people a glimpse of what true classiness and elegance is all about. Bravo, darling.

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  31. I don’t comment often, but I’m a longtime reader. Very sorry to hear this news, and much love and hugs and good wishes to you and your family.

    Music is very powerful for me, and I know, through reading your blog all these years, that it is for you as well.

    This song (and this artist) bring me comfort and strength when I’m feeling low. Here is my version of a virtual interwebby hug to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxorusrIiN4

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  32. Hi Maggie,

    I am so sorry to hear your news. I told my husband this morning that the news of your split hit me like the news of a close friend and her husband divorcing even though I’ve never met you or even commented before. I’m so glad that you’ve found support here and we’ll continue to offer you a virtual hand to hold in the coming months. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  33. Maggie, you have give more to this community, your readers, than you can probably imagine. You deserve all the support, love, virtual hugs, shoulders, guest rooms, hot water bottles, glasses of wine, cups of tea, and just an ear to listen. Be good to yourself.

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  34. Maggie,
    Saying I’m sorry seems empty, but I am. Please continue to write here…even if it’s not as much about your family…whatever you’re comfortable with. How ’bout a new Mighty Closet to take your mind off things? Sending good energy your way…all the way from Toledo.

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  36. Hey Maggie,
    Wanted to say something on the last post but felt a bit shy and kept thinking how I would cope and how strong and grown up you are being.
    Anyhow, if visiting Australia is on your life list, Get over here! We have a nice big house near the beach in perth (western australia) and lots of boy toys and a pool! So come over anytime!
    Cheers m’dear
    Dani

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  37. Not a frequent commenter, but wishing all 3 of you the chance to find balance and an abundance of good will as you navigate your way to a new, happy, normal!

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  39. you shouldn’t be surprised at the heart-felt messages that you are receiving – you created this community & encouraged us to support each other through good times and bad. I had actually meant to comment yesterday, but didn’t know what to say… that’s no excuse.

    Sending you warm wishes (and I also recommend that stiff drink that someone else mentioned!) x.

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  40. Hi Maggie,

    I didn’t get a chance to comment on the other post, but wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this.

    Be kind to yourself throughout this process.

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  42. I got divorced when my son was the same age as Hank is now. All I can say is do it your way. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should or shoudn’t do. I found that by doing it “my way” I left the marriage with respect for myself and a deep commitment to my son’s happiness. I know it sounds weird but in a way I’m grateful for the divorce. My son and I have a much different relationship (he’s 7 now) than we would of had otherwise. I feel the divorce liberated me from typical mom stereotypes and it’s been a very fun ride of digging in the dirt, playing basketball, sledding and many nights of Jedi fighting. It’ll be okay Maggie. Sending you lots of hugs and margaritas. Your “unknown” friend, Rachel

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  43. You have to be the most mature person I’ve ever [not] met. I’ve always envied your verve, your spirit, your get-up-and-go. And now I really admire your approach to this whole thing, and to the world, and to your life. Really really, you’re the best. Thanks for the inspiration.

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  44. Thanks to YOU, Maggie. For sharing this with us. I’ve been where you are (Things ended up working out for our family), but I remember feeling like I couldn’t tell anyone, for fear they would judge me, and look at ME like a failure. I think if I had been as brave and as open as you, that period in my life would have been a LOT easier! I’ve been thinking of you and your family quite a bit since your post. Odd, since I’m 3000 miles away, and a complete stranger, but you have fans, friends, and shoulders far and wide!

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  45. I’ve been a reader for years…you are one of my original blog crushes and continue to be. Sending lots of positive energy your way. Unfortunately, I’ve been there and I know how crushing all this can be but you WILL get thru it. You are a strong and amazing woman!

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  47. Maggie,

    You inspire so much joy in so many that each of us should leap at an opportunity to give back to you. I was so sorry to read your news but am equally confident that you will be ok – more than ok. Thinking of you both.

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  48. I just got remarried after being divorced for 8 years, and am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. My kids are well adjusted and doing great.

    With love in your heart, and positive intentions, you can do no wrong. Be true to yourself and do right by Hank and everything will work out!

    Big hugs to you!

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  50. I too had a heavy heart when I read your news this week. Thank you for always bringing out the best in all of us! Wishing you the best as you go through this sucky difficult time and beyond.

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