Bad News

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Hi everyone, I have some painful news. I’ve resisted writing this because it feels so final, but here goes. Bryan and I are separated.

I know this will come as a surprise to many of you, as it has to some of our friends. We’re both of the fine, thanks! camp, which is ideal for soldiering on, but confusing when your eyes well up.

Hank is doing well, we both get to see him every day, and Bryan and I are working on rebuilding a friendship. Bryan continues to be an amazing dad, and he will always be family. In addition to Hank, we still share a group of supportive, understanding friends, so please don’t be confused if he shows up in photos now and again. We’re both trying to be grownups.

Thank you to those of you who have sent concerned emails about my occasional absences lately. I feel less dazed every day, but I still start when I notice the space where my wedding ring used to be. I so regret not having the emotional resources to do my best work here lately. I’m sorry about that, and I hope you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you.

I’ve written a lot here about my dreams, and though this wasn’t part of my dream for my family, it has certainly been transformative.

In the last week or so I’ve finally felt solid enough to put together a plan, and while I still have all kinds of things I want to do, I’m also thinking more about how I’d like to feel and what I’d like to give. So let’s talk about all that good stuff in the coming week.

In the meantime, I owe you thanks for having been such a positive force in my life over the years. Thanks for being here with me in this upsetting time, just as you’ve celebrated with me in the happy moments. For those of you who are going through something difficult, I hope I can make you feel a little less alone too.

Here’s to more joy in all of our futures.

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344 thoughts on “Bad News”

  1. Thinking of you and wishing you strength and happiness. You have profoundly changed my life w/ your blog and the ideas within. I am very grateful to you, and I hope that you find the way you were meant to find with all of the grace and spirit that you show here daily.

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  2. I agree with everyone else who feels that this is happening to a friend. We love and support you, even if we have never met you!

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  3. Hey, don’t feel like you have to apologize for not being around. Your world is being totally upended; it’s okay if you’re not writing right now.

    Grace and peace to all three of you. It’s going to be okay.

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  4. I have been reading for years and agree with Lisa (waaaaay above in the comments) that this news hit me as if you were a close, close friend. Is that a little weird coming from a perfect stranger on the Interwebz? Probably.

    All the same, Maggie, I am thinking of you, Bryan and Hank. Your work has changed me. Deeply. And I hope that with time, your incredible support system and a few martinis, you begin to feel more and more like your fabulous self. Take care of yourself and take all the time you need.

    xo.

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  5. I’m so sorry to hear this Maggie — not because it’s the wrong thing, but because it is a very very hard thing. My good thoughts go out to you.

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  13. I wish you courage and calm and acceptance whenever you need it. We’ve not met, but I feel certain that if anyone can come through this with grace, it is you. We are all rooting for you!

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  17. So sorry to hear about this, Maggie. As a long time reader, I feel as sad as I would if my real-life friends were splitting up (I hope that’s not weird). I hope that with time, things will work out well for you and your family.

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  18. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I wish you strength and peace, and my thoughts are with you and your family.

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  19. Oh, Maggie, this is terrible, I’m so sorry. I felt punched in the gut when I read the post.

    I think you’re right that, to the degree you’re able, talking about this process will be very helpful to many readers as well as yourself.

    Sending so many healing thoughts your way.

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  20. I’m so sorry, Maggie. Your generosity of spirit in sharing here has been a blessing. Here’s to continued bravery & strength for you and your family.

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  22. Like many of your other commenters, I’m a long-time reader and a rare commenter and…I’m not sure what to say. Except that I felt compelled to write something (so much so that I sent you a tweet, and I am not a twitter-er, when my computer wouldn’t let me comment here earlier). Like most everyone else, I am so saddened to read this news. My breath actually caught in my throat when I read your sentence about your wedding ring.

    I am so sorry. No doubt you will weather this storm with strength and grace but still, I know it must be quite a bit more difficult than the words of this post indicate. Take care of yourself.

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  23. I just wanted to pass on my good wishes. There is a Quaker saying that I find quite useful in times like this: I’m holding you in the light. Please know that I am doing that for you and your family. I hope the very best for all of you.

    And when you forget it, let me add to the chorus of those of us who think you’re the best.

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  24. Yikes, I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, the only way out of this kind of pain is straight through it. I’m rooting for you from the sidelines and wishing you happiness.

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  26. Maggie-

    I’ve been a reader of your blog for years – in fact, since I was a young teen. I’ve grown up reading your blog, and you’ve inspired me in so many ways (my life list is down from 100 to 86!). I know that the mature way you have dealt with this so far, and the way I know you will handle this as it comes in the future, will be an inspiration to anyone when times are tough.

    We know you as Mighty Girl for a reason. It’s because you’re a superhero.

    Take care,

    Melissa (Alberta, Canada)

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  33. Thank you for being strong enough to share your news with us. When my parents got divorced, my mom was so shamed by what she thought the Asian community would think of her that she never talked about it with her friends or family and it was and still is a very difficult topic for me.

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  34. Oh, Maggie. You have always, always made me feel less alone.

    I’m heartbroken and hopeful for you. With painful changes comes surprising strength, and sometimes the realization of dreams you weren’t even looking for. (I had to pen a similar post in 2008.)

    Your family is in my heart, Maggie. I hate when the right thing to do is so damn hard. 😦

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  35. Is it weird if I just want to tell you I love you? Not in a creepy way. Just in a “I admire the hell out of you” way. I’ve been reading your words for quite a while and you’ve inspired me more than I can say. You are one amazing woman. I hate hearing this sad news, but thank you for being honest with us. If anyone can make the best out of a hard situation, it’s you.

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  36. I am so sorry. My separation happened 9 months ago – divorce to be final on March 27 – and it still hurts, but less and less every day. I wish you the best. It will get better. Surround yourself with all the love that you have.

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  37. Wishing you happy times ahead. Good luck with everything. I admire your ability to write so gracefully about something so painful.

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  39. You are Mighty in your strength and in your ability to be vulnerable and open. I’ve been reading faithfully for years but have never commented before. Coming out of the woodwork to say that I’m sorry and I am sending you all the hope I can muster. Reading your blog always inspire me to be a better person and to try to make a better world.

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  40. I already commented, but I wanted to reiterate what Kate (comment 3) said and tell you to let us know what we can do for you during this difficult time. Book/movie/music recommendations? Indulgence food recipes? Whatever you need from us, your faithful readers, just ask. Sending cuddles and champagne bubbles your way. ❤

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  41. Oh Maggie,

    So very very sorry to hear such sad news. I hope you are taking good care of yourself and surrounding yourself with supportive friends during this difficult time. Please take all the time and space you need to be sad and blue and whatever else you need to be and feel while this transition happens in your life.
    You are such a positive light in this world. I often turn to your blog and adventures when I need reminding that the world is full of love and magic and adventure. Myself, and I am sure all of your faithful followers, will be here waiting for you.
    Sending good thoughts and prayers your way,
    Rachel

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  42. I’m back. Your wedding ring sentence stuck with me all day because I remember…

    I wanted to reinforce what so many above said – hearing this from you is just like hearing it from a good friend. Whatever we can do…just ask.

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  44. Oh Maggie!

    EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK.

    That’s all there is to it.

    LOVE YOURSELF THROUGH THIS.

    I will write often to remind you and hopefully like magic it will be more than ok!

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  47. Maggie, I’m another reader that never comments, even though you and your writing have been so inspirational to me over the past several years. I just wanted to let you know I’m another person out there wishing you strength and peace and continued transformation.

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  48. As a writer, business women and mom you set the bar high. But by being honest about the hard stuff you remind us that you’re human and let a community in to offer love and support. Strange to mourn with “strangers” but such is the beauty of honesty and openness. Grace to you as you journey through this time and thank you for your willingness to share.

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  49. Oh Maggie, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and I feel like you’re a cherished friend of mine. I’m sad to know you’re hurting. I will pray for the three of you.

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  50. So sorry to hear this, but it sounds like you are being as big about it as possible. Don’t forget to cry. Sometimes it really does make things better.

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