Bad News

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Hi everyone, I have some painful news. I’ve resisted writing this because it feels so final, but here goes. Bryan and I are separated.

I know this will come as a surprise to many of you, as it has to some of our friends. We’re both of the fine, thanks! camp, which is ideal for soldiering on, but confusing when your eyes well up.

Hank is doing well, we both get to see him every day, and Bryan and I are working on rebuilding a friendship. Bryan continues to be an amazing dad, and he will always be family. In addition to Hank, we still share a group of supportive, understanding friends, so please don’t be confused if he shows up in photos now and again. We’re both trying to be grownups.

Thank you to those of you who have sent concerned emails about my occasional absences lately. I feel less dazed every day, but I still start when I notice the space where my wedding ring used to be. I so regret not having the emotional resources to do my best work here lately. I’m sorry about that, and I hope you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you.

I’ve written a lot here about my dreams, and though this wasn’t part of my dream for my family, it has certainly been transformative.

In the last week or so I’ve finally felt solid enough to put together a plan, and while I still have all kinds of things I want to do, I’m also thinking more about how I’d like to feel and what I’d like to give. So let’s talk about all that good stuff in the coming week.

In the meantime, I owe you thanks for having been such a positive force in my life over the years. Thanks for being here with me in this upsetting time, just as you’ve celebrated with me in the happy moments. For those of you who are going through something difficult, I hope I can make you feel a little less alone too.

Here’s to more joy in all of our futures.

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344 thoughts on “Bad News”

  1. I don’t think there is anything more wonderful than two people being grown-ups for the sake of their kid. It sounds to me like this is what the both of you are trying to do.
    I hope we can support you, like you have inspired all of us.
    Hugs to you & Bryan & Hank, Miss Maggie. It’s all going to be alright.

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  2. Lady, I can’t even imagine how gutting this whole thing must be, but I can say this: you both are awesome people–separately as well as together and you are one of the most heroic people out there in the way you live and I know that will continue. After all you are MIGHTY GIRL! Our heroine has amazing things ahead in upcoming chapters!

    I’m rooting for you!

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  3. Hi Maggie — I am traveler on this path (with a 5 year old wee one Victor) I know it’s not an easy thing to face — totally know the ring thing you speak of. I hope that each day gets a little brighter. I remember when I was in the middle of the darkness, someone made for me Pizza Rustica (http://www.livestrong.com/recipes/pizza-rustica/) and it was the meal I remember as transformational. I turned a corner. Talking…wine….and coziness also helped.

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  5. I rarely comment, but I wanted to say I am so sorry, and I hope that good things come from this difficult time.

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  7. Maggie,

    I don’t know what to say other than that if there’s anyone who can emerge from this situation stronger and with an even greater sense of clarity and purpose it’s you. I know that whatever happens in the end, you and Hank will be better than fine.

    Please let us–your largely anonymous, but loving readers–know if we can help in any way.

    Many hugs to you!

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  8. I’ve been an avid reader of your blog(s) for years. I’m so sorry that “Bad News” is the reason for my first post. Sending you positive and comforting vibes.

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  10. Maggie,
    I’ve been reading your blog for years now and, like the other commentors, reading your post elicited the same response as it would hearing the news from a friend.

    Thank you for continuing to open up and share your life with all of us. You are such an inspiration in so many ways. I wish I could somehow show you what a profound influence you have been in my life and in others’ as well. I wish I could really reach out and offer you some sort of comfort. Instead I will write here that you are loved, and you have a safety net here of warmth and support.

    Will be thinking of you…

    Megan

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  11. Maggie, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. We are all holding you close as you make your way down this new path. Thinking of you, Paige

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  12. Oh Maggie, I’m so very sad and sorry that you are having to go through this. From the teeny bit of time I’ve spent with you, I know that you are an amazing force and that the light at the end of this tunnel is even brighter than you can imagine.

    My warmest and happiest thoughts are heading your way!

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  13. Just another internet stranger chiming in to say, “Wishing you well and take care.” You seem like a strong person and you say you have a good support system, so it sounds like things will work out for the best (whatever that may be), but it’s still gotta be really hard.

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  15. I’m so sorry. The best I can offer is this piece of unique breakup advice:

    Do whatever’s funniest. Things are gonna suck right now, no matter what, but it will be a comfort to look back on this tough time and think to yourself, “at least I was funny.”

    It sounds silly or dumb, maybe. But keeping your sense of humor in tact can only improve things.

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  16. Maggie, I’m so sorry that things are as painful right now as I’m sure they are. I hope that we 100+ commenters (whether you know us or not) are somehow helpful as you go through this process, and I hope that you’re doing OK.

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  17. As a long-time lurker (and long-time lover!) of your site, I just wanted to come out of the shadows to say, good luck and you have my best thoughts.

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  18. You are awesome. True story. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life with us. I’m one of many who wishes you the best and not one iota less. Much love.

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  19. Biggest of hugs. In case this might help, I am a child of divorce- I was 3ish when it happened. I am so thankful my parents did separate. They were not meant to be together. They have been on excellent terms, which really eased the transistion. Also, I got a fabulous step-dad and Grandma out of it too.

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  20. I’ve been a long-time reader of your blog and my stomach just dropped reading this because I know it has the potential to really suck. But I do think you are brave to make a decision that you think will better your and your son’s life and move forward with it no matter how hard. Absolutely, here’s to more joy in all our futures.

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  21. So sorry to hear, but know that you will come the other side of this a better person. Your blog has inspired me for years and I will be sending you love and support.

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  23. I’m so sorry. I have a 3 1/2 year old son and his dad & I separated when he was about 2 (we were together 12 years before that). Sooo hard, these were not my plans for a family. The last year has been the hardest of my life but is getting better recently. I think this year will still be hard but we communicate & love our son & that’s the most important part. If one more person says they just want me to be happy again I think I’ll scream at them. It will come ( I hope!) 🙂

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  24. WOW! i am not in shock because you have separated but because what I suspected turned out to be true… I have never met you person, nor do I regularly communicate with you Maggie, but something in your recent posts made me think, “oh goodness, is Maggie separated from Brian?” intuition and its roots are so out there for me sometimes…

    i say this not because i want to say “hey, my intuition was spot on!” no! that is crazy and all but i write now because i felt a little piece of my heart sag when i read this post and felt so sad I wanted to fly to SF, give you a big hug and seek a reason to have some champagne and chocolate together… i send you big hugs, much warmth and the sneaking suspicion that much joy in life still awaits you to uncover it…

    all the best…
    xxo

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  28. I’m so sorry. It sounds like you are handling this with your usual grace and maturity, though, and Hank is so lucky to have parents who, as you say, are “trying to be grownups.”

    I recently started reading a blog about divorce — the writer said she started it because (I’m paraphrasing) she felt alone when she was going through her own separation and divorce and couldn’t find much online to help her through it. In case you’re finding the same thing, here’s her URL: http://irretrievablybroken.wordpress.com. She also has a column on Babble: http://blogs.babble.com/divorced-with-kids.

    Sending you good thoughts and wishing you strength during this life change.

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  30. As much as it is hard and potentially confusing and maybe even horrible at times, remember that things work out for the best. My partner of almost 11 yrs and I separated several years ago, and I’m now married to someone else. I hate to think what my life would have been like had I not had the chance to share it with my current wife! 🙂

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  32. I’m a long time reader but rarely comment. I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain and wish you the best. One door closes and another opens.

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  33. Maggie.

    I am a long-time reader & fan. Thanks for so bravely sharing your personal experience. We are rooting for you out here in cyberspace!

    Take care of you self. Don’t worry about blogging. We’ll be here when you need us!

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  35. oh maggie,
    you have brought me so much hope in the past few years that i’ve been frequenting your little website. and while i cannot relate to this, i now hope that you feel supported through this difficult time. looking forward to reading more from you no matter the content, as you are one inspiring lady!

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  36. Maggie I want to gush over you. I want to silently open the door to my home, invite you in, pour you a glass of my most soul-calming wine and play with your hair all while telling you how brave you are. But gushing doesn’t necessarily help, or maybe you’re past gushing. So instead I want to thank you. Thank you for all of your words, and your perspective, your playful style, and for your honesty. Sometimes I feel so humbled that you (and many of the other bloggers I visit each day) are so willing to share with me what is happening on your journey. It feels like such a trusting relationship, but so one-sided. You’ve shared this with me. Me. You don’t know me but you trust me enough to know that I will be patient, and supportive. You trust that I will not judge or pretend as if I have some worthy insight that is, if anything, unsolicited. So thank you, and know that this Maggie you don’t know, that lives on the opposite coast, feels very very close to you today.

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  37. Maggie, my heart goes out to you and your family. I wish you strength in the days and months to come, and I know you will persevere and continue to grow and contribute. Thank you for sharing your wit, grace, and warmth with the wide world — you are an inspiration to me and many others. Be well.

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  40. Just from reading your blog, I know you’re one of the bravest women I’ve ever known/not known. I’m sure this is an enormously tough experience for you, but I know you’ll handle it with grace and elegance, as you do everything. Hugs to you, my dear. We’re all rooting for you.

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  42. As always, you inspire by fully embracing life. In so doing, thorns will prick and you will bleed. Thank you for being willing to let others see the wounds. May they heal quickly!

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  43. Lots of positive rebuilding energy from a longtime reader. Hang in there, and I hope the best possible things come out of this difficult time.

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  44. Long time reader delurking to say how sorry I am that you are all hurting. Best wishes and support from the other side of the world.

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  46. I’m going through the same thing. You did help me feel a little less alone.

    Cliche as it may be, it does get a little easier every day. Good thoughts for you.

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  48. i spent a week last december reading every. single. post. ever. on mighty girl. so now please excuse me if I feel i know you, and am sad that you are sad, but also happy for you that you feel positive about it too. i know it will get better, and i hope that it gets better quickly. x

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  50. I’m so sorry. All of the best to you and your family, and continued thanks for the marvelous things you do with this space.

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