Bad News

Uncategorized

Hi everyone, I have some painful news. I’ve resisted writing this because it feels so final, but here goes. Bryan and I are separated.

I know this will come as a surprise to many of you, as it has to some of our friends. We’re both of the fine, thanks! camp, which is ideal for soldiering on, but confusing when your eyes well up.

Hank is doing well, we both get to see him every day, and Bryan and I are working on rebuilding a friendship. Bryan continues to be an amazing dad, and he will always be family. In addition to Hank, we still share a group of supportive, understanding friends, so please don’t be confused if he shows up in photos now and again. We’re both trying to be grownups.

Thank you to those of you who have sent concerned emails about my occasional absences lately. I feel less dazed every day, but I still start when I notice the space where my wedding ring used to be. I so regret not having the emotional resources to do my best work here lately. I’m sorry about that, and I hope you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you.

I’ve written a lot here about my dreams, and though this wasn’t part of my dream for my family, it has certainly been transformative.

In the last week or so I’ve finally felt solid enough to put together a plan, and while I still have all kinds of things I want to do, I’m also thinking more about how I’d like to feel and what I’d like to give. So let’s talk about all that good stuff in the coming week.

In the meantime, I owe you thanks for having been such a positive force in my life over the years. Thanks for being here with me in this upsetting time, just as you’ve celebrated with me in the happy moments. For those of you who are going through something difficult, I hope I can make you feel a little less alone too.

Here’s to more joy in all of our futures.

Published

344 thoughts on “Bad News”

  1. I wanted to leave a note to thank you for being honest in your posts. I’m going through the same situation and it’s helpful to go through these things together (though I don’t wish it on anyone).

    One day at a time.

    Like

  2. I’m so sorry to hear the news. As a blog reader, I’ve been the beneficiary of your writing and thank you for the candor and warmth with which you write and with which you treat your readers. I wish you and Hank well.

    Like

  3. Maggi, you are so inpirationally graceful. Holding you in my heart and in the light. And a BIG hear, hear to the joy in store for us! I’ve had a crazy year as well and the thinking about how I want to feel and what I want most is exactly what I’m doing now. Alternately thrilling and scary- glad to not be alone.
    XOXOXO

    Like

  4. I’m so sorry, Maggie I’ve been divorced for 4+ years now, am in a great relationship and STILL look for my wedding band. Amicable has its own drawbacks.

    Hugs and good thoughts. I’ve been there and back and it gets better.

    Like

  6. So sorry you’re going through this right now. I’m sure you and Bryan will continue to be great parents to Hank. I wish the three of you the smoothest possible sailing through the process. Take the time you need! 🙂

    Like

  8. Oh Maggie, I’m so sorry to hear your bad news. Keep taking care of your self and hold Hand close. Things will get better, even when they seem like they won’t.

    Like

  9. You are a lesson in how to be graceful and respectful. I wish you all the best and hope that you find the peace in the relationship that you need.

    Like

  10. Wow. I don’t know what to say. Longtime reader, rare commenter, and this made me tear up. I’m sending good energy in your direction, and I hope you can feel all of the internet holding your hand.

    Like

  11. Having been in a similar place before, I can say to you that it’s very likely you’ll look back at this time someday as the beginning of a new, different, and better life for yourself. But I also know that that is no consolation when you’re in the thick of it, so all I can say is to remember to take it one. day. at. a. time. You’ll be in my thoughts.

    Like

  12. So so so sorry, Maggie.

    Just take it one day at a time. You are amazing and wonderful and beautiful and talented; all of us know it, and we won’t let you forget! I wish all three of you the best in moving forward amicably and “like grown-ups.”

    Like

  13. When Lisa said:

    It’s a testament to the intimacy and warmth of your blog that this news hit me as if it was my college roommate sending me an email with the same sad news.

    she said it way better than I could have. I know the three of you will do everything you can to find your new beginning in the best way possible. (I’m in my 30s and my parents are separating now – I’m glad Hank has two parents who I know will stop at nothing to make him feel loved and secure. It doesn’t always work that way, especially when you’re older.)

    xoxo

    Like

  14. Maggie, I’m so sorry that you’re going through a tough time. Reading your blog has cheered me up on bad days and I hope we (your readers) can help you through this!

    You are mighty, girl! You’ll come out of this even more mighty. Take the time and do the things you need to heal. If you get this much love from strangers, I can only imagine the powerful support you have from your friends.

    All the best to you all. HUGS!

    Like

  15. I’ve never commented before, but I wanted to let you know you’re an inspiration, and I know you’ll be able to get through this tough time and remake your life as you decide you want it to be. ❤ And I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

    Like

  16. Maggie, I’m so very, very sorry. My thoughts are with you, and I hope things get better for all of you. I’m a San Franciscan who gardens in the public spaces on our block, and we are getting ready to do a big Spring planting if you and Hank would like to join us (and cross off another item on your life list).
    Take good care.

    Like

  18. I am not going to say “I’m sorry” because I think it takes GUTS to separate and do that for your family — I don’t think it is bad thing. It is worse to stay together when you are very unhappy or if you have tried and things still aren’t working. My parents are also divorced like some have mentioned here adn they did their best to be friends. I am 34 now and I think they did pretty good. We had Christmases together until I was twelve, which was surely hard for them but they always made the effort. As long as you take care of yourself, and Hank, and Bryan too, you will be doing great. Lots of love.

    Like

  19. Soon after I accepted that this thing I entered in with the intention of being forever was…well…not forever I had lunch with a friend.

    I was swept up in all of the feelings. And it was as overwhelming as going to a restaurant and ordering one of everything – I couldn’t finish feeling any one thing before I had to take a bite of the next thing.

    But my friend said something that I held on to and stuck in my pocket: I’m going to have another first kiss. The anticipation, butterfly, connecting first kiss. There’s a lot of good out there for us.

    Like

  20. Also, I just want to say a breakup doesn’t mean a failure. You had a great relationship and you will continue to have a hopefully good relationship and most importantly you made a GREAT person, there is no failure in that.

    Like

  21. Like many others, I’m delurking to tell you how sorry I am to hear of this. I’ve read you for years and have gotten to know and love your little family through your blog. I’ve also gone through a separation and divorce, and the hardest part for me was getting settled into a new routine.

    You have all of the internets rooting for you! Well, nearly. xoxo

    Like

  22. OH NO! You’re one of my favorite bloggers and I always hope to run into you when I’m out and about in the city. My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Like

  23. I have no doubt that you will move through this with the elegance and grace you do most other things. You’re an amazing woman, Maggie, and have such a great future ahead of you. Thinking about you and sending you lots of warm wishes and thoughts.

    Like

  26. You can’t imagine how much I love you. Seriously, I’ve been following your blog for a couple of years now, anxiously anticipating your updates every day. I’m a single girl, and having never been married, I’m afraid I have no sage advice to offer.

    I will say, that it’s hard for me to imagine anyone not being totally delighted to know you every day.

    Like

  29. Maggie, I don’t know you, but I adore you like you are one of my close friends.

    first of all, here is a love shower to you and Hank, fortified with lots of strength. I am also adding a dose of clarity and bionic hearing so that you can cut through the emotional clutter on the days when you will need to deal with the financial and legal negotiations. (I did not get the bionic hearing until waaaaaaaay too late in my divorce, but thank god for my attorney named Rocky, a two-tour Vietnam vet.) also, hire an attorney. seriously. Bryan should do the same.

    there is SO MUCH GOOD THIS WEEK already! will you look at this gorgeous day here in SF?

    and… breathe…

    Like

  31. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’ve been reading your blog for years, and unfortunately only rarely comment, but I *so* look forward to reading each of your posts. Sending good thoughts your way!

    Like

  32. Oh god, the phantom wedding band… I totally understand. It gets better! I promise.

    I’m also not going to say sorry. What meant the most to me when I got seperated and then divorced was how many people, friends and strangers, told me how strong of a person I must be. How proud they were of me for making choices that are painful, but for the best for me. And how many older women told me that they wished they’d been able to as strong.

    You are a strong woman. You should feel proud and MIGHTY! xoxo

    Like

  33. I nearly got separated last year and I know how confusing and difficult and absolutely gut-wrenching that is. I hope you and Bryan find grace and peace in the middle of this difficult time. Above all, remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

    Like

  35. Sigh. My thoughts are with you. I’m a long-time reader and fellow Bay Area resident. I would occasionally see you and your family at the Alameda Flea and think what a lovely little group you were. I’m glad to hear that you’re working things out and that things are moving forward for you. All my best to you and your little one. xo

    Like

  37. I don’t know you IRL, but my heart hurt reading this. I haven’t been through this, so I’ll echo the sentiments of people who’ve commented that they have experience with it and say that I admire your strength and grace. Much love to the 3 of you.

    Like

  39. I’ve been following your blog for years but I’ve never left a comment. So I’m delurking first of all thank you for being you.
    I hope it gets better very soon. Hang in there, MightyGirl. I’m sending you good vibes all the way from Montreal.

    Like

  41. Though I don’t know you, I’ve read your blog for years. At the risk of sounding Pollyanna, I think you have made the Internet a more positive, kind place. It hurt my heart to read your post. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

    Like

  44. I’m so sorry, Maggie. You must feel pulled in a lot of different directions right now. Let us know if there is anything we can do from here, in the land of the interwebs.

    Like

  45. I’m sure this is a really hard time for your family, but I sincerely hope you are all on the path to much happier times.

    Best wishes to all of you!

    Like

  48. I teared up reading your first paragraph.

    You are a wonderful, thoughtful person and deserve every happiness.

    Here is to 2011 bringing you more joy and laughter.

    Like

  49. hi maggie, i’m so sorry to hear you are hurting right now. things will start looking up soon…from my experience, take one day at a time & be kind to yourself.

    Like

Comments are closed.