On Chafing

Style

The time has come to buy new underwear. However, since having that cute baby and then losing the pregnancy weight, something has gone awry. All currently fashionable underwear is now made to go up my butt.

Bikini undies? Sure! If you like them up your butt. Tap pants? Sounds good, assuming you enjoy that extra material nestled up your butt. Boy shorts? Why waste effort walking around for 10 minutes? Just wedge them up your butt immediately so you can tug uncomfortably at your jeans for the next eight hours.

Listen, I’m already wearing shoes that make my feet bleed. The underwire on my bra is probably jabbing my ribs. You don’t want me any more irritated. It’s taking all my willpower not to cut someone. Introduce up-the-butt pants to this precarious scenario, and I can’t be held responsible. I also probably won’t be able to operate a motor vehicle.

Do you hear me, Universe? Take me to your comfortable yet stylish underwear! You drive.

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105 thoughts on “On Chafing”

  1. I’m with you on this one. I know someone out there can wear fashionable underwear, but I have to wonder, what magical powers does that woman posses? If you figure something out, let me know b/c my kids are 11 & 8, so I’ve been suffering for a while!

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  3. This is precisely why I wear thongs. They are designed to go up there, so for me, they are pretty comfy. And, when it comes right down to it, all underwear goes up there on me, so I’d rather have an inch of fabric vs. who-knows-how-much wadded up there. Now, that’s a visual. Sorry. 😉

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  7. I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t understand boy shorts and tap pants. It’s as if they have been specifically designed to creep right up your crack. There is a seam strategically placed to guide them in. Oh, the hate.

    Have you tried Gap Body? They have the best panties I’ve found. Comfy, kinda cute, not extremely expensive…give ’em a shot!

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  9. i was never, ever a thong girl until i met the hanky panky thong. wayyyy overpriced? – you bet. however, it will be the most comfortable, sexy thong you’ll put up your butt. i even converted my 55 yr old mother…seriously, try it.

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  10. I feel your pain, sister. I recently lost the last of the baby weight (and it only took me four years!) so none of my bottoms (pants, skirts, undies) fit anymore. I’m desperate, I tell you, desperate! I’m two tics away from saying the hell with it and going commando.

    You don’t even want to get me started on the topic of bathing suits. I was recently shopping for suits (torture), and I swear, if I had worn one of those suits out of the fitting room, I would have been arrested for indecency. Sheesh!

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  11. OK…You need to invest in a few pairs of Hanky Panky boy shorts. I agree with Lucy that their thongs are also the best around but I have converted almost entirely to the boy shorts. The cost is ridiculous, no doubt, but if you buy a few pairs you can wash them in the shower the next day and you can have a constant rotation. Honestly, BEST (and most adorable) UNDERWEAR EVER!

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  14. I have a _gigantic_ ass, so your mileage may vary, but…

    target sells these Gilligan O’Malley Modal panties that are cheap, comfortable, very stretchy, non bulky so they don’t leave lines, and one my ass at least, non-climbing. They come in a number of different sillouettes, so you can choose your poison. They stretch out, so you have to keep buying them, but this has proven a boon to me – I have been able to wear them all through my pregnancy as well. Search for Modal Panty and be happy.

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  17. Glue on your cheeks will keep those fashion panties right in place. If you’re short on Elmer’s, go commando. You’ll need to wash your jeans more often but there’s no tugging.

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  18. Ok so for starters I’m lol-ing at the domain thunderpants.co.nz.

    Other than that, I really have to second the GapBody recommendation. These really are the most wonderful undies I own. They have all kids of cuts and colors, but I like the regular rise cotton bikinis. They’re like, secret agent granny panties.

    I mean, they’ve got that ultra low-rise hipster mess if you’re into that sort of thing, but personally, those don’t even come half-way up my can. I tend to stay away from anything with the word “teeny” in the title, but to each her own.

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  19. The brand name skeeved me out when I first saw it; perhaps you are familiar with Cuddl Duds? (Typing it, saying it, imagining the sound of it–it’s exactly the same as biting down on aluminum foil with a full head of fillings!) Yes, well. They are the softest, most comfortable, least-ridey-uppy I’ve ever worn. True love. For reals.

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  21. I know they’re technically boyshort-esque, but I am a complete convert to American Eagle aerie’s boy briefs. They’re cheap, too. I never get wedgies with these. But perhaps I have a weird ass.

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  22. VS’s second skin satin has been my go to for over a decade. A lot has changed in those years (sidenote: how can underwear have “trends” when such a limited slice of society ever sees it?) but it’s still pretty good. And lookin like it’s on sale at the moment. http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=8U-206988&page=1&cgname=OSPTYSSSZZZ&rfnbr=3355
    But I hear you on the adorableness of tap pants. They are a personal fave of mine as well.

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  23. I love Victoria’s Secret Pink bikinis. You have to be careful to not get the low-rise ones though, because those leave about an inch of coin slot showing on me. I haven’t had kids but I have a lot of junk in my trunk.

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  24. I second the Target recommendation (and had the same stretching issue w/ pregnancy – never bought maternity panties!).

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  26. When you find an answer let me know! I have been losing weight and NONE of my underwear fit anymore!! ALL of them go straight up the crack!

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  30. What’s even more ridiculous than women’s underwear being made this way is the fact that my daughter’s 3T panties are exactly the same! Poor child actually wants to go back to Pull-Ups…

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  32. Oh dear. Thank you for the laugh! So I’m not the only one tugging! And I have no suggestions for you, because everything I’ve tried is uncomfortable in one way or another.

    The suggestions here sound helpful, although dare I order them online? Although, so far I haven’t had any luck buying in a store. Somehow test driving underwear over other underwear doesn’t give you the chance to find out if they creep or not.

    Thanks for getting this conversation started.

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  33. i’ll second the recommendation for aerie boybriefs. i’m an average sized chick with a fair amount of booty, and these don’t crack-dive on me at all. i’ve tried a bunch of aerie styles… the ones with the centimeter-thick band around the legs stay put the best for me. example:

    http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?catId=cat650010&productId=prod2940046

    if you’re not into the fake pee chute, there are plenty of designs sans “playful boyfly details”.

    a test-driving tip… at the aerie and h&m stores in my area, there are always a bunch of $1 underwear hidden somewhere deep in the sale section. look past the potentially barfy prints and buy a myriad of STYLES so you can give them the proper test drive before committing to anything at full price.

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  34. I make underwear like this!

    I did a sale in my town the other night and I keep hearing back from folks about how comfortable they are. May be what you’re looking for? Check them out: bullfight.etsy.com

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  36. the AE boybriefs are ok, but i’m not a fan of the thick edging (fine under jeans, but harder to wear under some of my skirts/dresses)

    i do like the bikinis at gap and victoria’s secret (i usually go with low-rise). my favorite VS is probably the extra low rise hipster, which i find has enough butt coverage to go around my butt rather than up my butt.

    and though i am nearly butt-less, i find that boy shorts or cheekies definitely give me wedgies. and i am almost exclusively a no-thong girl (go ahead and check out my underwear line!)

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  37. I feel I must contribute my .02 on this. Those modal panties from Target are divine, and they do stretch out, and are only available online in my area at the moment (must be change of underwear season). But they are like wearing air. Love them!

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  38. I have it on good authority that the key to all wedgie issues in relation to women’s undergarments is getting the proper size. If you feel like your underwear is bullying you, go up a size and try again.

    But I’m just a dumb man and probably shouldn’t have an opinion on things like this.

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  40. I like hanky pankies too, but it took me a while to get used to them. Here’s one I don’t think anyone has mentioned. They’re called commandos and they’re my most comfy underwear.

    http://www.barenecessities.com/Panties-Commando_catalog_nxs,32,vendor,15444.htm

    Also overpriced but I got some out-of-season colors at Nordstrom for 60% off. GapBody and Victoria’s Secret also have knock offs and they’re pretty comfy, too.

    *Tip. ANY panty with a seam down the middle of the front or the back will inevitably ride up your butt. 2 of the American Apparel panties you linked to fail from the start.

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  41. Adding my support for Gap Body – cute and comfy. The low-rider bikinis or similar STAY PUT. Plus, their bras fit me really well.

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  44. ZOMG! Okay, I went to check out the Hanky Pankies, and then I was going to look at the men’s boxer briefs because there’s NOTHING better than men’s boxer briefs if you have a thighs-rubbing together-chafing problem! (Seriously, and the cotton is wafer-thin.)

    Then I discovered the concept of the “trophy shelf”! OMG! It’s a “push up” for men! HILARIOUS! Thanks Maggie!

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  46. thought i’d also mention that i found discounted hanky pankys (thongs and boyshorts) on bluefly.com!

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  47. All I wear are Hanes Her Way low-rise. Always white cotton because I’m daring like that. They never ride up and are quite comfortable.

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  49. The Body By Victoria ipex stuff at VictoriasSecret.com does not go up my butt, so it probably will not go up yours. Some of their stuff does fit that way, but that particular description/line fits pretty comfortably.

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