Listen up, Universe

11th June 2008

Working in the coffee shop under a potted palm, I pause to brush the hair from my eyes. A dead bug falls onto my keyboard.

I gasp loudly, and yank my laptop up, inches away from my face, to examine the specimen more closely. Praises to all that is holy, it has wings, unlike the lice we too recently battled in our home.

But, may I just say, what the ever-loving hell, people? Did someone put Purina Bug Chow in my shampoo? I could go a very, very long time without finding another surprise insect on my premises.

18 thoughts on “Listen up, Universe

  1. Min

    To let the universe know that you mean business perhaps you should burn something, not sage but a No Pest Strip?

  2. Samilja

    Oh, now see that adds a whole new level of ‘Gak!’ to your second to last (I believe that’s the penultimate to you literary types) Twitter update.

  3. Astrogirl426

    Ohhhhhh babe I hear ya – currently we’re dealing with the annual infestation of carpenter ants (fun!). Bunker Monkey thinks it’s funny to PICK THEM UP with his BARE HANDS – yecccchhh! Because evidently watching mama descend into a shrieking, quivering freakout is what passes for entertainment ’round here.

    Although? Better than the flea (FLEA!) infestation we suffered a few years ago. Ooooooooo anything but fleas. Perhaps even water roaches? Or maybe not.

  4. hanscraft

    I went and read the post you linked to about fearing you had lice. Personally I got lice two years ago thanks to my dear sister which took two months to get rid of. I should also mention that I have hair down past my butt. After spent $100+ on lying lice killers I tried using Cetaphil. Below is the method:

    1) Douse hair liberally with Cetaphil
    2) Comb out the excess lotion
    3) Blowdry the hair completely dry
    4) Put hair up in a shower cap, go to sleep
    5) The next morning, wash hair out per usual
    6) Repeat one week later
    7) Repeat one week later

    My lice were all dead after step 6. :-) I write directions down for customers when I catch them buying Rid.

  5. Marissa

    To help keep them out of the house sprinkle salt in the carpets and couch and stuff, and then vacuum and have moth balls in the vacuum bag and throw the bags out regularly.

  6. Lindaloohoo

    i have a pair of clippers you can borrow. or have.
    come on, you live in san fran. you can pass yourselves off as the bald family. there are more than one of you, so it’s not crazy. it’s a thing.
    i’m pretty sure completely shaved is a fool proof bug remedy.

  7. Jennifluff

    Over the last two days I have picked a tick off each of my kids. And to take the cake, I picked a tick off of me. It was inside my underwear. I cannot tell you what my imagination is doing with THAT.

  8. Pingback: No one cares what I had for lunch…but I’m going to tell you anyway | The Incomplete Gamer

  9. Terry Mahoney

    Recently encountered the biggest, fattest, furriest centipede ever in my life! Was spring cleaning – had my bed apart to clean set of wooden storage drawers that reside under there, sitting on the floor using the crevice tool, thought that I was looking at a knot in the pine! – my knee was right next to it! – don’t know why it didn’t move (maybe too fat or being perfectly still trying to fit in so as not to be noticed. I slaughtered it with shoe – thing was so big, the top quarter of its body separated and tried to run away! I got it all though.

  10. Dorothy Stahlnecker

    Your first after me..if there is a bug within a mile it finds me…and a bee forget it…it’s on the attack at all times..

    I won’t sit on my porch unless I have a flyswatter and can of spray. I make my husband crazy..mind you there are no bugs to speak of but the one who gets lost and come near us will visit me first…

    Dorothy from grammology
    remember to call your gram
    grammology.com

  11. Jeanne

    OMFSM! That brought back memories. When my daughter got lice, I also checked DH’s hair. Well, no lice but some sort of winged insect flew out. I laughed so hard! I kept joking that DD had lice and DH had termites. I was surrounded!

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