I’m one of those women who strongly considered adopting because I was so afraid of labor. A month or two after I got pregnant, I had a two-week period of complete freak out and sent this note to a girlfriend:
“Last night I had a mini breakdown and decided that I definitely do not want to push a baby out my vagina. I want even less to have major abdominal surgery. I do not want to feed another human being with my boobs. Also, I will not be pushing a baby out of my vagina. I cannot imagine what my boobs are going to look like after this, let alone my ass. I have never felt less sexy. Also, my vagina is very small. I do want to be a parent, but don’t really want to be a mom. Also, I will not be pushing a baby out of my vagina. No.”
I was irrationally, but seriously, trying to think of other ways to get the baby out of my body. Intense meditation? Osmosis? Teleportation device? How ’bout it, science?
Anyway, I’m OK now. The panic eventually subsided as I made a conscious decision to stop playing Worst Case Scenario. I refused to read anything having to do with labor and related complications, and began screaming, “Only happy stories, please! Only happy stories, please!” when mothers tried to share their graphic labor survival stories.
This was unfortunately necessary, because when you’re pregnant, conversation in a group of women goes like this:
Me: I’m freaking out about labor.
Susie: Don’t worry, you’ll be fine! Just fine! God, I hated being pregnant, though. I was on seven months of bed rest vomiting into a pan.
Lisa: Really? (Pulls air in through teeth.) Yeah, I threw up every single day. Twice. And, hello? Jacob was 11 pounds. I was in labor for 46 hours. They really should have given me a C-section, I was pretty ripped up afterwards.
Gina: And then you’re just praying that you’ll never have to poop again because the thought is so terrifying. My first bowel movement was practically as painful as giving birth. I was so afraid the stitches would pop right out!
Cut to me keening and desperately trying to place my head between my knees, despite the watermelon sized belly impeding my ability to do so.
Susie: Oh, honey! I’m sure you’ll be fine.
Lisa: You’ll be fiiiine. You’re going natural, aren’t you?
Gina: Oh, yeah. You have to go natural.
Mighty Girl 
Giving birth 6 months ago was the single most amazing and incredible experience ever. I did it drug-free and I’ve never felt so strong in my life. It helps going into it understanding how a normal, natural birth is supposed to work. Then, even when things seem crazy, you’ll know it’s normal and you’ll get through it. To paraphrase some unknown person: It hurts, it’s hard work, and you can do it!
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What the heck is a small vagina? If you mean short…then the trip through it will be shorter too…right? My theory about labor is that there’s a reason that humans take 9 months to complete…because by that time, a woman will do anything to get the thing out. Really. I was more than ready for each of my kids.
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Don’t feel silly at all. You are definitely not the first woman to freak out about having an actual person come out of your vagina. I was in complete denial for the entire eight months I was pregnant. So much so that after six hours of contractions (which aren’t that bad – don’t listen to those who say they are) and my OBGYN telling me to start pushing, I said, No. No Pushing! What am I going to do with TWO of them?” (I had a sixteen month old at home. Denial can happen anytime, anywhere. I guess I thought that I could keep her in just a little bit longer so I could have our peaceful little three member family all to myself. Now it’s just a peaceful little four member family. Oh, and when I was four months along, my chiropractor (highly recommend you get a chiro while you’re prego) gave me a pin that read, “Only positive stories, please. My baby is listening.” I wore it and people got the hint.
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Yay, Amy, that’s what I was going to say.
I have two sons and I didn’t take any drugs either time. You need to be well informed about how it all works; if you let your fear take over, then you won’t know what’s normal & what’s not and you might make choices that you wouldn’t if you knew all the facts. Epidurals increase your chance of having a c-section. My midwife offered to break my water for no reason early in my labor. Sigh.
My best advice for you is to hire a doula. Don’t assume that your labor nurse will be there for you (she’s busy), that your midwife will be any more attentive than a doctor on call (I’ve done it both ways), or that your husband won’t suddenly become uncharacteristically robot-like (as mine did). A doula is completely focused on helping you, advocating for you.
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Ditto Amy and Lori. Three natural, drugless childbirths. While it may not be natural to have a root canal without drugs, the only one you’re affecting there is you. That’s really not a legitimate comparison and unfair, in my opinion to therefore be saying that it’s not natural to have a drugless childbirth.
It was incredibly empowering to go drugless. It hurt, I won’t lie. But being able to walk to the nursery. Walk. Immediately after the baby was taken there. Okay, they wouldn’t LET me walk, but I could have. Wow. I felt MIGHTY. And my babies were so alert. And I could feel my legs. And I could go potty. And I was MIGHTY.
And using your boobs to feed your baby. Sometimes it sucks. And it wasn’t very thrilling while the boobs adjusted. But sometimes… MOST times, in fact, once we got past the nipples agreeing to it all, it was euphoric. Calming for us both. My husband would laugh because nursing always made me so sleepy. Peaceful sleepy.
Definitely hire a doula even if you’re not going to be a freak like me, Amy and Lori and the others who went drugless. Didn’t have one for the first baby, but did for the next two and WOW. What a difference! Even if you go with drugs, a doula is there for YOU, has been at deliveries a bunch of times before (unlike well-meaning hubby) and has had her own (unlike well-meaning hubby).
Not everyone can go drugless, and I accept that. But I can’t believe the number of people that tried to talk me INTO an epidural (that had never gone drugless to be able to compare). Even my first OB fought me on it. He wanted to schedule a c-section even – when there was no reason to. But I digress. The point is, you need to do what’s right for you and for your baby. For me and MY babies, that was drugless and nursing.
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I was totally the same way. I considered adopting because I didn’t want to go through labor (I was TERRIFIED of labor). I got OK with it as the pregnancy went on, though. I thought happy thoughts. I decided that everyone else’s horror story didn’t have to be mine. And I figured, no matter what happened, I could live through anything once. I thought it unlikely that I could parent more than one child anyway (I actually wasn’t even sure about one), so even if it was awful, it would never have to happen again. It was a good way to go, the thinking of happy thoughts, the imagining of the labor I wanted. If nothing else, it made the pregnancy a happier time.
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OK, Anna, I will chime in again to join you in recommending breastfeeding. It was wonderful. It was incredible. The first week (both times) was difficult (less difficult the second time) and it’s flat-out painful the first few days. Once you get past that, it’s fantastic — bonding, convenient, easy, and just the best thing ever.
I have a friend who didn’t breastfeed her first two children, then watched me breastfeed my son. She then breastfeed her third child. It kills her that she missed breastfeeding the first two (who are both wonderful kids, not to mention breastfeeding advocates).
If you try, give it at least a month (so you can get to the good part!), and don’t *ever* supplement.
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For the love of god, get an epidural! Despite what you may have heard, you really don’t get any medals for doing it naturally. It’s 2006, sister. Drugs were invented for a reason.
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I got a “medal” for having a drugless birth! It was the almighty HIGH and the feeling that I could practically DANCE immediately afterwards. And it was a baby with no groggies and that a nurse claimed she’d never seen any baby so alert in all her years and mine was the first natural she’d done. It was the pride from my husband. The awe of those who got epidurals. I’m so tired of hearing, “You don’t get a medal.” THIS is exactly what I mean – people trying to talk you into actually having drugs. WHY? If you CAN do it without, why wouldn’t you? If you really feel like you can’t get through it, if you really feel like you might resent the baby for the pain, fine, but don’t be talked into one because of the lack of a medal. Everything I got out of my drugless births were WAY better than a medal!
Oh, and yeah, Lori’s right. If you’re going to try breastfeeding, make the commitment to a month so that you are sure to get to the good stuff and get a lactation consultant to help you if you feel you’re not making enough milk BEFORE you begining to supplement. Supplementing can put you in a downhill spin. Breastfeeding was heavenly after a couple of weeks. Seriously.
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and one more thing… The first poop didn’t hurt me at ALL. And I did have stitches. The FEAR of the first poop, now that’s a different story.
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My son was an even 10 lbs. at birth. I pushed him out with only a small tear (I understand that episiotomies are often deeper than a natural tear would be). Labor, from the very first, “Hm. I wonder if that’s a contraction,” to getting a slimy baby plopped on my chest was about 11 hours, only a couple of which were what I would call uncomfortable.
I did wind up getting an epidural. I had planned to do the drug-free thing, and then on the way to the hospital my husband hit a pothole while I was in the middle of a contraction and I decided that the corpus of Western medicine was at my disposal for a reason.
Overall, it was a lot less traumatic and painful than I expected. Look at the bright side: If it’s easy and painless, hooray! If it’s an absolute nightmare, you have a great horror story to scare other potential moms with. The grand prize is a baby, either way.
Okay, that last bit probably wasn’t as reassuring as I’d hoped….
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Like you, Anna, I felt fantastic immediately after giving birth — zero pain, could get up and walk around immediately afterward, was blessed with those post-birth happy hormones. I had my first son at 1:00 a.m. and went home the same day, feeling great. Second son, I got up and walked from the labor room to my room, feeling fine.
An epidural can give you a migraine, it can take on only one side and not the other, and it can force you to stay lying down after giving birth. Giving birth isn’t a root canal; it may be painful, but it’s a natural thing your body is designed to do.
It’s important to educate yourself (The Birth Book by Dr. Sears is my favorite) so you can make informed choices. Fear can make you not want to read about these things, but information takes the fear away.
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I had my first (9lb 2oz) with nothing and the 2nd as a C-section, and I’ll go for pushing over abdominal surgery any day of the week. It did hurt, but nothing I couldn’t handle, and then this huge endorphin rush kicks in and I felt like I could climb Mt. Everest. The C-section sucked.
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No matter WHAT happens, remember that it is temporary. You can get through ANYTHING for a finite amount of time… whether it’s 46 hours, 9 months, or 18 years – everything is temporary. If you think of it that way, it’s a lot easier to enjoy what you’re going through. Two further thoughts: childbirth is to women as going to war is for men, in the aspects of both glory and the feeling of impending danger. You will feel great about the accomplishment of it when it is over (however it ends up happening). Thing two: the taoist idea of thinking of the glass as neither full nor empty, but already broken – imagine how you will feel when all this is over, and you will wish you could cling to one moment before that. If you know how much you will savor the memories, you will try harder to make memories than be scared or grossed-out, or whatever negative emotions you’re inclined to.
(Just my thoughts… hope this helps. I wish you a very fulfilling experience all the way around. 🙂
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You might want to lay off on that whole(COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE) “small vagina” thing—the implication being that “BIG BRI” is actually hung like a field mouse.
Juuuust putting it out there…
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Here’s my honest but completely lacking in graphic detail description of labor: it’s a pretty lousy day with a really good ending.
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Okay, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to share my HAPPY labour story with you….
I had the labour freak out as well and was lucky enough to have it in front of a friend who looked me in the eye and said, “It’s nothing, get the drugs you’ll be fine” So I stopped worrying, told my obgyn at my next appt that hey, those drugs we invented to make this a fun day? Yeah, sign me up for all of those!!!!
It turned out I was induced for both my labour’s (at two different times, don’t freak out {:o)) and I had the epidural. (sidenote, just in case you go the induction route, when the nurse say’s “once your contractions start comming they get strong fast so don’t wait to tell us when you need the epidural” she really means it!!
Anyway, I had the epidural, fell asleep for three hours, my husband went for a walk and got a sandwich in the cafeteria and brought me back some Jello (great man I tell you) and two hours later our first baby was born.
Similarly, with our second, I was induced, asked for the epidural almost imediatly, fell asleep woke up refreshed and ready to do the whole labour thing and spent an hour joking around with the doctors and nurses because they said that when I laughed my body pushed more than when I actually tried to push (The anestetist gave me a little too much for my second but it was fine). That is in fact my favorite part of this story. My second baby, my golden haired, blue eyed, sweetest little baby was born into laughter. Not silence, not screaming, not stress or “labour bi#@hiness”, but happy, excited, laughter.
So, don’t worry. Do the drugs, do the natural thing, do what you want and what you feel is best for you and your baby. (Words to live by as a mom let me tell you) It’s a great day and when it’s over, tell us your story!
Take care!!!
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I had a simple, easy pregnancy and a simple birth. I can’t say it was an easy birth because squeezing that head out just aint easy but, well, I’m actually thinking about having another one so it can’t be all that bad, right?
Also, I’m a hippy and didn’t use drugs but I’d be the first to say that the thought definitely crossed my mind, mid labour, that I must have been out of my goddamn mind.
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Your body was made to give birth and breastfeed. Don’t be scared; educate yourself on the power of your body. There are far too many ignorant mothers in this world who think they are “too small” to give birth vaginally or that they will “not make enough milk.” You can overcome these stereotypes! Believe in yourself and DO YOUR RESEARCH. Labour doesn’t cause pain – fear does.
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Oh, and those who are saying that the epidural is the best thing ever need to have their heads examined and do some reading about the dangers of chemicals for mothers and babies. Women are far more likely to die in a medicalized, hospitalized birth than a natural birth at home!
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Try reading “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.” It may start out seeming a little crunchy granola, but will give you courage for the incredible experience you are inevitably bound toward.
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22 hours of labour, induced.
10 minutes of pushing
Tearing, Episiotomy, Hemmoroids? Check.
Getting up and walking with no pain a half hour later? Priceless. Didn’t even need an advil!
It’s not so bad. And I’m on year two of breastfeeding, it’s a joy.
You’ll do great! (so will your vagina)
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I feel your pain! No kids of my own yet, but I was just asking myself if other people ever want to tell their own thoughts to get the fuck out of their head! I’m so going to freak out just. like. that! Love your writing….
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I had a c-section with my first (posterior presentation, she got “stuck” after a long, 6hr pushing phase), and a VBAC the second time (and he was 9lb 7oz). Both labors without drugs (until, obviously, the c-section). I have to chime in with the other poster above who didn’t feel the contractions as painful–that was my experience too! They were just weird, and pushing was the weirdest feeling. Not painful, just, well, weird, and nothing that I couldn’t deal with. My advice to anyone who asks is to not make big plans about how labor is going to go, since it really is a completely unique experience. You may find you need an epidural, you may not.
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Hi-
I had a great birth experience. It was wonderful, intense, fabulous; the most real thing that I have ever done. I cant post a link, but if you are interested, you can search my site tracitalynne.com for birth story and read all about it. Not too much TMI, but, well, a little.
You will do great, sweetheart, and even if you dont, there will be a sweet tiny cute baby at the end of it all. If Britney can do it, you can.
Good luck, I can not wait to hear all about it.
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one word – HYPNOBIRTHING. or is that two? I totally didn’t believe in this kind of junk. But if nothing else it teaches you to get happy about having a baby. My partner & I spent a lovely weekend thinking positively about the birth. And guess what. I had a drug free labour. I was disappointed because I actually wanted to try out all these great drugs. I just *forgot*.
Forget about the birth. It is one day with professionals around. It is the six weeks afterwards when you are on your own that is scary.
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