Oh, the Wonder

12th November 2006

Why I avoid researching exactly what’s happening inside my body:

-The baby is excreting urine inside me.
-All babies are born with big boobs from absorbing so much of your hormones.
-Some female babies are born menstruating for the same reason.

Magical, no? Magical.

34 thoughts on “Oh, the Wonder

  1. sweetisu

    I just think of the “after”… not the “during”.. Pink cheeks, fuzzy arms, tiny fists and kissable toes, and half-awake eyes staring up at you. Now that’s what I’d focus on. :-)

  2. Tammy

    Babies can also poop in utero. Mine did on delivery day… a magical day, indeed. ;)

    Did your research also mention the swollen bright-red baboon testicles that newborn boys sport? A bit of a surprise if you’re not expecting it.

    Now I’m getting all nostalgic about the day I gave birth. I love surprises! I want to do it again! (Er, I’m totally serious.)

  3. kir

    oh god, and I was almost a month late! I can only imagine that I was an excreting, menstruating, pooping, big boobed machine.

  4. Vikki

    I remember early on reading in some daily pregnancy journal…”Today, your babies ears have moved to their proper positions on the sides of the head”. I kept thinking…please, baby, don’t skip this step.

  5. dodo

    you’ll get throguh way more grim stuff if you keep reading, but – knowledge is power, and the more powerful you get, the better birth experience you’ll have.

    (i read that thing about the ears too. don’t they start off on the sides of the neck or something? like gils?)

  6. Catwalker

    What geeky said.

    Thank you women of the web who have been kind enough to share the reality of the childbirth process, rendering it the appropriate level (for me) of “not gonna happen – nuh uh.”

  7. JewJewBee

    I would say that knowing more before giving birth would have been better for me… For a couple of my friends, the opposite was true… I guess it just depends on what your personality type is… That being said — please, please don’t give up on having children *just* because some of it is gross… You really need a few better reasons than that! Besides, the good parts far outweigh the bad… During some moments, it’s hard to believe that (because I have a 19-month-old toddler), but I swear it is true!

  8. Quel

    If you knew me, you would know my baby was not born with BIG BOOBS. I curse, the curse!

    I was always creeped out by “your baby has fingernails and hair…”


  9. Tammy

    Since I posted some scary-sounding stuff up there earlier, I feel I should clarify so as not to totally freak people out. Right after my little guy was born and the doctor plopped him down on my chest, my husband and I — neither of us emotional sorts — both burst into tears at how beautiful he was. Looking at photos of that moment now, I see him through two lenses simultaneously. Ojectively, well, he was bright pink and covered in goo and all the aforementioned oddities. But at the same time he still looks utterly gorgeous to me.

    When I tell this to other moms, they all agree with me. Your newborn will be the weirdest-looking, most beautiful thing you’ll ever see in your life.

  10. Marcy

    Take heart! Not all babies have big boobs at birth (I have two, and neither of mine were thus afflicted)!

    But the peeing in your womb thing? Totally happening. Wait until you meet the meconium.

  11. April

    Meet the huh?

    Maybe those girls who give birth “without knowing they were pregnant” are the lucky ones.

    Then again, I can’t imagine how disturbing it would be to have a 7-pound item unexpectedly emerge from one’s vagina.

  12. Kirs

    I don’t know why but all this, and the comments, made me laugh. A lot. And April? Hilarious! A seven pound ITEM.

    I’m still giggling.

  13. shar

    Well all the baby drinks is the amniotic fluid so maybe not as gross? I clung to that idea.
    And my daughter didn’t have boobs or a period either.
    Honestly? There are lots of really gross things about pregnancy and delivery but the end result is so worth it!

  14. kristin

    Wait until your pediatrician assures you that if the baby (boy) pees into his own eye (when his little weiner is standing up) it won’t hurt a thing.

    i can’t remember if you are having a boy or a girl. maybe you don’t know yet.

  15. Liz

    I could have lived a thousand years and gone through the next 6 months of my pregnancy without ever knowing that. I am now hoping for a boy just to avoid #3. On the other hand, what is the better option; to have a girl born menstruating or a boy born with big boobs? Do they make baby “bros”? Must add to registry now.

  16. L

    Number three is so terrifyingly creepy to me for some reason. I only find it minimally comforting that it only happens to the girls. Could you imagine if the boys did it too?

  17. Gary

    Congratulations! Having kids is the best.

    As for baby excreting urine inside you, enjoy it while you can–soon enough s/he will be excreting urine (and more) *on* you.

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