25th February 2001

While I’m away, you should visit
Jeff Druzba.

“Microsoft Money would be useful software if it actually allowed me to access Microsoft’s money. What good is it for me to see my own accounts?”

“There are a lot of religious commercials on television recently including one for a Time Life music
compilation of Christian pop songs. Mixed with concert images of a throng of people waving their
hands in sweaty ecstasy to the heavens above, there are individual close-ups of cute girls sobbing and
holding hands.

People who are both good-looking and religiously devout scare me because if I think to myself, ‘Now
there’s a hot lil’ number,’ their god is likely to know that I thought about one of his lamb-children in an
unholy manner and will be tempted to strike me down or afflict me with some torturous condition. I
think it’s a good practice to stay on the good side of gods I don’t know. Especially Hindu gods with 6
arms who look like blue elephants.”

“Do you think that most every woman who has ever been with Meatloaf, the singer and, of late, bit part actor, has referred to her encounter, when chatting with her friends, as ‘having meatloaf?'”