12th February 2001

While I’m away, you should read Stuff and Stuff.

Dave is the greatest untapped genius of our time, and the ladies love him. Perhaps you think I’m only kissing his ass because he’s posting for me while I’m gone, and the world may never know. But before you get all high and mighty, try handing your Blogger password over to some schmo off the street and spending your vacation nights in a cold sweat wondering if he’s entering Necrophilia and Neo-Nazi into your meta tags.

I also like Dave because he can take little jokes like that without doing anything nasty to exact retribution, like, oh say, entering Necrophelia and Neo-Nazi into my meta tags. Right Dave? Did I mention how handsome you are? And funny too:

I had the most awesome Bachelor-Morning today. Not only did I wake up to find that I had no more clean underwear,
(forcing me to wear yesterday’s pair) but, I also discovered, upon shoving a spoonful of cereal in my mouth, that the milk
had gone decidedly bad. The best part was, (as I sat on my chair half-dressed in dirty boxers) that I looked at the bowl
with a quizzical expression on my face, smelled the milk, and then went in for another bite. Just in case my synapses had
mis-routed the “ummm, good” message to my brain, you see. It was like I was that lab rat that keeps going back for the
electrified cheese.

They say the world gets smaller and smaller as the means of communication get easier and
easier. Consequently, I am taking up a small collection for a select group of us to move to
Jupiter. On second thought, I am taking up a large collection for a large group of everyone else
to move to Jupiter. Operators are standing by.

As if we needed more reminders that we are decidedly not a Thirld World nation, McDonald’s
has entered into a devil’s pact with Compaq to put video-game McKiosks in their stores. I
suppose this is better than the cool playgrounds McDonald’s had when I was growing up, as
this new system protects children from both the dangerous sun, and inconvenient exercise.

prerecorded

[editor’s note] The above wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Evhead, ’cause Meg forgot to give me her ftp password. Nice. Thanks Ev…