Hi everyone, I have some painful news. I’ve resisted writing this because it feels so final, but here goes. Bryan and I are separated.
I know this will come as a surprise to many of you, as it has to some of our friends. We’re both of the fine, thanks! camp, which is ideal for soldiering on, but confusing when your eyes well up.
Hank is doing well, we both get to see him every day, and Bryan and I are working on rebuilding a friendship. Bryan continues to be an amazing dad, and he will always be family. In addition to Hank, we still share a group of supportive, understanding friends, so please don’t be confused if he shows up in photos now and again. We’re both trying to be grownups.
Thank you to those of you who have sent concerned emails about my occasional absences lately. I feel less dazed every day, but I still start when I notice the space where my wedding ring used to be. I so regret not having the emotional resources to do my best work here lately. I’m sorry about that, and I hope you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you.
I’ve written a lot here about my dreams, and though this wasn’t part of my dream for my family, it has certainly been transformative.
In the last week or so I’ve finally felt solid enough to put together a plan, and while I still have all kinds of things I want to do, I’m also thinking more about how I’d like to feel and what I’d like to give. So let’s talk about all that good stuff in the coming week.
In the meantime, I owe you thanks for having been such a positive force in my life over the years. Thanks for being here with me in this upsetting time, just as you’ve celebrated with me in the happy moments. For those of you who are going through something difficult, I hope I can make you feel a little less alone too.
Here’s to more joy in all of our futures.
Mighty Girl 
You take as much time as you need, don’t worry about us. We’ll still be here.
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Oh, Maggie…. I’m so sorry. Even when it’s the right thing, it doesn’t stop being difficult.
The good news is that you CAN choose how to be parents together, how to exist in the world together, how to become partners in a different way. It takes time… it’s not the easy choice… it requires effort… but you both can make it happen. And it is SO worth it, not only for Hank, but for the the quality of life you want to have and the person you want to be.
We are with you, lifting you all up.
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Sending thoughts and prayers to you during this difficult time…keep your head up, you will get through it!
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What a courageous heart you have to share the real stuff. Wishing you peace and strength and people giving you lots of bear hugs! Be well.
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Hey Maggie, I echo the sentiment of the previous posters here… take care of yourself, Hank will be fine and as someone said earlier, it takes GUTS to make a change. We’ll all still be here when you’re inspired to write. Off to go click on some of your sponsor’s ads right now!
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It sounds to me like you’re gazing across the wide open prairie of possibility before you, admiring its vastness. Rather than surveying storm clouds, you’re choosing to see the joyful herds of buffalo and all the riches they bring. And isn’t that the best place to start? It was for me.
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Sorry to hear of your seperation. I know that must have been a long, painful decision. I hope for big things for all three of you in the future! Stay strong!
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I usually don’t comment, but I had to on this post. I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. Divorce is so painful and I’m sorry you’re going through that. You don’t have to apologize for taking time for yourself to heal – you’re an amazing writer with amazing readers and we’re here for you.
Hugs,
Laura
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…follow up post… reading through the comments now I wish to add to the genuine offer of place to stay if in the mood for a Mommy & Boy travel adventure. We Canadians are known for our gentle & polite hospitality, so heck, just show up in PEI, we all know each other here anyway you’d get a lift from the airport to my place! Hank can bunk in with my twins and we’ll eat lobster on the beach and drink wine. Perhaps come in Summer though, right now there’s 5 feet of snow. You’ve a huge wave of sincerity and love sent towards you Maggie, I hope it lifts your spirits. Also if you’re looking for guest posts or anything I’m sure your 300+ friends would come to you with a writing or photos or anything else to keep your blog content churning if that’s a concern you’ve been carrying – don’t worry about a thing, we’ve got your back if you ask.
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I am sure you (and Bryan) will handle this as you do everything else in your life. With thoughtfulness, kindness, and grace. Much love coming your way from the East Coast. xoxo
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I think the greatest gift I gave my children was to remain friends with their father. It wasn’t easy, but it was possible. It has paid off with two wonderful, well-adjusted, and happy young adults. I’m sorry for your heartbreak.
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Sending you love and hugs.
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I’m so sorry. Lots of love to you, to you.
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So sorry to hear this, but life goes on, and slowly but surely things will get better.
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I will continue reading and supporting. Someone out there you’ve never met thinks you’re great. Now I think you’re great AND brave.
My best to you.
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Maggie, so sorry to hear about this. Thank you for being so brave as to share this in such a public space. My thoughts are with you. It seems like you’re already on your way up, so yay you! HUGS!
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Aw, man. My heart breaks for all of you. But I’m also super glad to hear for everyone’s sake that you’re working to be friends. That will be so, so good for Hank. And for both of you, too.
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Maggie,
Such a brave post. Very sorry to hear your news. Take good care.
Sarah
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Sending you bear hugs, tap shoes, sunlight/moonlight, summer weather, secrets that come in bottles or on the backs of cool breezes, lifelifelifelife BEAUTIFUL LIFE and living.
And love. Always love.
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Is it wrong if I feel a little Steel Magnolias and have an urge to offer to let you take a whack at Ouiser? I really don’t have anything to add beyond what the previous 317 people have said; instead I will wish you and your family the best. Unless you want to take me up on the Ouiser thing. Or you need more Steel Magnolia quotes said in a very thick Southern accent. Because I love you more’n my luggage.
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Ok, so we’re total strangers and will probably never meet but I want you to know that I think you rock. Seriously. And am sending over a huge-o wave of awesome/happy thoughts. So if you’re feeling awful, just remember that a huge-o wave of goodness is coming your way (did I mention it’s huge-o???).
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Thanks for sharing this with all of us. Speaking from experience, sometimes a little separation is good for everyone and helps give perspective on how to move forward. In my case, after lots of professional talking and personal thought we were able to resolve to move forward together. That said, I wish much happiness for you, whatever form that takes.
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I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It sucks when life doesn’t work out like you thought it would, but you’re strong enough to get through this, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Be kind to yourself and know that there are lots of positive thoughts being sent your way.
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Just remember you are exactly where you are supposed to be. BIG LOVE.
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I’m sorry Maggie.
You probably know about this — hell, you might even know these people, given the closeness of you bloggers — but this site has some great insight when you’re ready:
http://whentheflamesgoup.com/
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My deepest condolences and many congratulations. Because this will be awful and wonderful for you, won’t it? Thank you for sharing. You’re one of my favourite writers, on the internet or otherwise and I know you’ll be able to tackle this the way you have every other challenge you’ve written about…with grace and humour and humanity. Your readers love you, Maggie Mason. And we’ve got your back. xo
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Oh Maggie, I’m thinking of you. I almost never delurk, but I’m reading this two days after my husband moved out of my bed and into the basement, and therefore have to send you love and hugs.
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De-lurking. My initial response was shock and sadness but I wish you & Bryan the best in your decision and much happiness. Love to you.
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Oh Maggie, we will all be thinking of you and wishing you well as you embark on this next journey. Sending you much happiness.
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Talk as much as you need or want to…there will be no judgements here. This is your safe place with many who love and care for you.
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Just re-read your post.
Crap.
(But what an outpouring of well-wishes from mighty readers!)
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Yours is one of the brightest spots on the internet for this reader. My heart goes out to you and your family. Whether you’re sad or happy, your writing always delights. Whenever you feel blue, just think of all the joy you’ve brought to so many people’s lives (and will continue to do!). Hugs and strength.
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Thank you for being real. This is very meaningful and helpful in a virtual world. And thanks to you and Bryan for keeping your chins up, setting a good example. I wish I had the courage to leave my bad marriage.
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Maggie,
I know what you’re going through. It’s a tough, tough time. Whether you initiated the separation, or not, the journey is just as hard AND emotional. I only have the best of feelings for my ex-hubby, and wish him the best in life, but it is very emotionally confusing time. As a matter of fact yesterday he sent me a “Happy would-have-been 14 years Wedding Anniversary” email. Made me laugh so hard, and realized why we got married to begin with. All we can do is move on, look forward and be happy.
Best of luck!
Cristina
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Oh, dear, that IS bad news. But courageous too, especially in your conviction to be a grown-up about it. That takes such strength.
Hang in there, and don’t worry about us! We’ll be here when you’re ready to post again. 🙂
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Maggie, I am so sorry to hear about this – sending you best wishes for getting through this.
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I’m so sorry, Maggie. One day at a time, mighty girl, one day at a time.
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ahhh Maggie—heartfelt best thoughts to you.
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So sorry to hear this. Sending much love and peace to you, Bryan and Hank as you take care of yourselves and each other through this.
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I’m so very sorry this has happened to you and I really admire that you shared it. Take care of yourself.
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While it may not be the best or most immediate comfort, know that you have a huge group of people who think the world of you and hope for your happiness and health.
Your family will be in my thoughts no matter what form it takes. I hope the journey is as painless as possible and leads to a place where you can be you, and be happy.
Thank you for being who you are and sharing those gifts with all of us.
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like so many others, i want to tell you that you are an inspiration to us. sharing difficult news with grace and honesty – i don’t think that many of us could do it, so thank you for all that you’ve done and know that you are being wished well and held in the light from so many different places and people.
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be well, maggie. xo.
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Supportive thoughts for you Maggie.
Lisa said it so well when she said in the early comments: “It’s a testament to the intimacy and warmth of your blog that this news hit me as if it was my college roommate sending me an email with the same sad news.”
Lots of love to you…..Julie
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