Wear the tight dress. You won’t have that body forever.
If there’s a nuclear war, head north. There will be less fallout up there.
Don’t tell contractors what to do, it pisses them off. Ask them. And bring beer.
If you’re lost in the woods, follow a stream downstream and you’ll find houses.
The more they process the food, the more you have to pay. Buy the whole chicken.
If a bear attacks, curl into a ball to protect your internal organs.
If someone needs money enough to beg for it, give them a dollar.
If you boil willow bark and drink the tea, it’s like taking asprin.
You should iron that.
If something big stabs you, leave it in until you can get to the hospital.
Put a little lipstick on, Margaret.
You need to learn to shoot a handgun.
Mighty Girl 
I think my mom is pretty much the antithesis of your mom. She almost never wears makeup and wouldn’t go near a gun. I’m pretty sure she’d expect me to BE the contractor.
Still, she’s big on recycling and composting and independence and those are pretty good lessons/values too.
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My favorite bit of advice from my mother:
“Never let a boy tie you to the bed. Then he can do whatever he wants.”
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If mom intended to scare you from leaving the house without lipstick, mom is a bitch and you are a whore
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Real nice from the previous commenter. Lets hunt him down and put lipstick on that pig.
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Hell yes!!! These are fabulous 🙂
Bah to naysayers and trolls. Get back under the bridge where you belong. Jealousy looks good on no one.
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Thank you for the thumbs up! And the review!
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My favorite advice from my mom is,
“If you don’t A-S-K,
you don’t G-E-T.”
And you know?
She’s right.
Thanks for sharing!
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My mother’s famous advice; wash your hands, get organized and don’t waste, has has kept generations healthy, wealthy and wise. And her best advice of all; never wear underpants with holes in them. These have proven to be very important practices in all of our lives.
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Topic: !!!!!!!!!!!!
#54: ??????????????
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“Heather, never let a man put his penis between your legs….”
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Oh Heather, that is still my all-time favorite bit of mom advice ever. Cheers.
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we grew up by the beach and heard this all the time,
“if you drown, i’ll kill you!!!”
(said with both a wink and serious face, all at the same time)
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I couldn’t help but add my thoughts to this, you can obviously see I grew up in the Bible Belt of the south, lol. It won’t post til after 2pm tomorrow afternoon. I’m gonna get part two as well, I live such a sheltered little life. I couldn’t resist.
By the way, would you care to join us in de-lurking day tomorrow. I have buttons and code on my blog if you wanna use one of them or make your own, I’m just trying (while I am sick as a dog) to do a few things that do not require all my energy…I need energy to whine a lot so people around me get the picture.
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Be beautiful on the inside and you will be beautiful on the outside.
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My Grandmother lived to 105 and her favorite saying was “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, there isn’t a man a woman can trust” Another favorite was “Man plans, and God laughs.” That one is so true!
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I just thought of what my mother always told me. “In order for a relationship to work, the man has to love the woman a little bit more.” I don’t know why that has always stuck with me?
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lipstick is for grannies.
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Teenage girl, most women in their 20s wear lipstick, not just grannies lol.
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