Ever since you can remember, whenever pregnancy comes up, someone offers a worst-case scenario. Women terrify you with tales of endless nausea, constant irritation, ballooning, swelling, facial skin discoloration. They proffer a string of “just you waits.” You begin to seriously consider adoption.
When you get pregnant, the stories only intensify. Disfiguring stretch marks, preeclampsia, debilitating mood swings.
You wait, and wait, and wait. None of the things you’ve always dreaded actually come to pass. The things that kept you awake at night, things that cost you hours and hours of worry, none of it happens. In fact, to you, pregnancy feels pretty natural.
You find these women, the women who needlessly terrified you, and beat them senseless with your handbag.
“I’m so sorry,” you say afterward. “I’m suffering from debilitating mood swings.”
Mighty Girl 
sorry to leave my name anon, it’s just i havem’t yet announced i’m pregnant on my blog yet, so…
…i really do hope there are positives, i just came down with a bad bad cold and have been sick all week. the morning sickness has taken such an evil turn and will make me go even on an empty stomach. tell me it gets better!
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I’m finding it’s the same with the actual childbirth part. I don’t NEED to hear your horror stories or all the reasons my choice of birth plan is all wrong.
My pregnancy has been so easy compared to the complaints I’ve heard from people… I imagine the labor part will be too.
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Hahaha! This is my first comment here…so hello! This totally made me laugh today. After two normal pregnancies I’ve heard it all…so so true. I loved being pregnant. I won’t say I didn’t have my small ‘pity party days’ but that’s about it.
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Well said- my pregnancies go pretty well.
Don’t forget to swing by all the people who told you- on the flip side- how EXCITED they were for you to have a baby.
I don’t think I have had a single EXCITING day since giving birth. It’s the last word I would tell someone about what it is like to be a mother. There are a lot of good and hard things about it, but exciting it is not so much. Especially those initial nights, every single face popped into my head and I wanted to throw heavy books at each of them.
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First, Stephanie, I’m sorry you have such an unsympathetic husband! Even if the nausea were part of some conspiracy to get sympathy (which I know it’s NOT), it’s still quite uncomfortable being pregnant, not to mention extremely restrictive. Perhaps it would help if he had a bit of perspective – I say take everything you can’t have out of the house, and always announce when the baby is kicking your bladder or punching your stomach. Harrumph!
Sorry, got sidetracked there. Mighty Girl, I agree, although it wasn’t so much the horror stories from Moms but the overly alarmist books and websites that are all the rage right now, that got to me. I had plenty of terror during my pregnancy, but no real problems. Most “authorities” forget to mention that many problems that they talk about in depth and very frequently are also quite rare. Buttholes.
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*indeed*, mightygirl! i do believe that there are women out there who have terrible pregnancies, but there are also at least a many who don’t. nevertheless everybody’s ‘expected’ to suffer. it drove me nuts when i was pregnant… i must say that i found it particularly annoying when *boys* told me it was going to be horrible. what do they know?
have a lovely rest of your pregnancy!
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My mom and my sister not only enjoyed pregnancy tremendously, but even loved GIVING BIRTH. Seven drugless labors between them. (!!!!!!!) I said once, “Come on, mom, but it was painful right?” She said, “well, YEAH, but it felt like a different and completely manageable pain because it was so wonderful to be bringing this baby into the world.” I KNOW that’s FAR from every woman’s experience, just saying, you know, it happens. (Also, there is some stat about women experiencing orgasm-like sensations in giving birth, but what do I know? I haven’t gone down that road yet.) Anyway, best wishes for the best-possible labor!
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I had worse case scenario pregnancy. Sucks for me, but I know there are women out there who don’t go through all that. I’m glad you’re having an easier time. That’s awesome!
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Thank you for shining a light upon that whole “let me tell you what happened to me…” senerio.
Every single person who has had a baby since we’ve been together has had some horrific story to tell enough to make me double-think ever having kids.
Way to buck the system.
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This is such a great conversation…
I’ve immediately sent it to one of my best friends who’s pregnant for the first time and who people feel needs to hear what a horrible time they had during pregancy/childbirth/breastfeeding!
Keep it to yourselves, people…
Hugs to you Maggie, and all the best for the home stretch
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the only real issues I had with my two pregnacies was getting the flu both times. Well, that last month is absolutely miserable, but the labor and delivery totally made up for it, it was so awesome! (no epidural for either, and completely drug free the second time)
Jacuzzi’s are wonderful in labor! And being able to move around is way better than just laying on the bed.
Good luck!
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I always wanted a family, but never wanted to be pregnant, never wanted to give birth, never wanted strangers to touch me or ask me personal questions. I’m 8 mos now and even with 8 weeks of morning sickness, a life-threatening complication and hospitalization at 25w, I can honestly say I really like being pregnant. I’m going to miss feeling the baby moving around in there, the kicks, the hiccups. And of course, eating as much chocolate as I want is good, too.
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People tend to do this for anything. If I mention cancer someone has a horror story that usually ends with their spouse/friend/twice-removed-acquaintance dead. Thanx for the moral support meany heads! I should use your tactic there as I carry heavy purses. 🙂
As for pregnancies I had four and four healthy babies. I LOVED being pregnant and only had morning sickness with the first. Even labor and delivery wasn’t bad as the reward was great. The shortest labor I had was 13 hours but who cares. I would be pregnant all the time if I could as I felt so happy feeling that little one move and grow.
My oldest is pregnant and will be popping my grandchild out anyday now. I have tried to be encouraging to her – no horror stories. I remind her the reward of holding that little one she feared she would never have (she has PCOS) will more than wipe away her current misery.
Anxiously waiting your baby news, lisa
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Hear, hear!
I have also been having a rather symptom-free pregnancy, and have been continually frustrated by the individuals with the horror stories. They can all take a flying leap. Pregnancy is awesome!
That being said, I’m ready to evict my kid. Just over 2 weeks to go! 🙂
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I had a so-so pregnancy that wasn’t terrible nor was it trouble-free, and it always relieved my anxiety to hear other women talking about their experiences, and to know that my symptoms weren’t uncommon. Count yourself lucky that you are having a good pregnancy, and try to take the charitable view that the “horror stories” are actually a way of expressing empathy.
Before my son was born, I’d heard plenty of “horror stories” about pregnancy and childbirth, but not so much about the first few weeks of motherhood. After having a few hard weeks post-partum with a slightly underweight premature baby who did NOT want to eat, plus a bad case of mastitis, I was on the verge of losing it, when my mother had a friend’s daughter call me and tell me how hard it was for her, too, when her daughter was a newborn. Just that one phone call and knowing that my situation wasn’t so unusual helped me more than I can say.
Anyhow, I guess what I am trying to say is that sharing our experiences, good and bad, can be incredibly helpful for those who don’t have such an easy time of it, and it can also help the lucky ones know just how good they have it!
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I think these are women’s war stories. I expect it’s also part of the grieving process for those who had hard times. This is what we go through and what no one really listens to unless you’re with a group of women with a range of experiences. Congrats on the smooth pregnancy! And have compassion for those of us who didn’t and feel compelled to tell the tale over and over. 🙂
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I’m glad it was easy for you.
I did have debilitating mood swings. But I had this same experience with the baby part. It was the baby part everyone kept freaking me out about. I dreaded the colic or whatever other horrible thing would happen to me. The lost of sleep! The horror! The horror!
So then I had the baby and it was the most wonderful, amazing thing ever and I was a little irked at all those people and the terror they struck in my heart.
Except. In a way, I may have enjoyed the experience more. The pleasant surprise thing.
And I realize now those women were telling their own story and I was mostly extrapolating. Dooce.com scared the HELL out of me, for example. But it was just Heather and what happened to Heather.
But I know pregnancy is different. Man, at the end people were stopping me on the street telling me how to push and describing the nightmare that awaited me. There’s a bit more of that teling you that what happened to them will happen to you.
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