Month: February 2006

You’re Disgusting

I was reading an article recently about the recent surge in the market for pre-sliced apples (in the New Yorker, maybe?). They’re preserved in some kind of healthy goo that keeps them from turning brown, and the kids love them. The article asked a “Disgust Expert” why people found an empty bag so much more appealing than an apple core. His response was that the bag didn’t have any of you on it.

Pretty

The counter girl is lovely, striking even. She looks serene waiting behind the counter, but as we begin talking, I realize that something isn’t right. She seems a bit like a computer animation too uniform, too shiny. At first I think she’s just wearing too much makeup, but then she laughs and I think it’s something deeper.

Is she upset about something and trying to mask it? Is she slightly nutty and having trouble interacting normally?

As she shows me to what I’m looking for and laughs again, I realize that nothing on her face is moving but the corners of her mouth. The girl’s entire range of emotional expression has been Botoxed into submission. Which, you know, is pretty hot.

Google Bought Measure Map!

It’s been a rough period around the Mason household. When Bryan gets stressed out, he loses things. Expensive things. I can figure out how distracted he is by how much equipment disappears.

In the last few months, we’ve replaced phone, a digital camera, and an Apple laptop (as you may remember). Bryan also spent a few hours crawling around in the grass, searching for the only set of car keys we have.

This, my friends, is why my poor husband has been so stressed out. As you may or may not know, Bryan is the COO of Adaptive Path, which is the company that created Measure Map. That means he has spent a lot of time on the phone lately.

Congratulations, Mr. Mason! Screw the roses, this is the best Valentine’s Day gift a girl could ask for. I’m so, so proud of you.

Any day now, I’ll let you start carrying the car keys again.

Guests

A highlight from Merlin’s 5ives:


“Five things you can bring along to help make the party all about you

1. your doggie

2. your 12-string

3. your new Nikon

4. your puppet friend

5. Dianetics”

Tragedy

I’m tutoring in an elementary school classroom, and reading timelines the students have created. My favorite:

Election

Oaklahoma City Bombing

Iraq

Trade Center

My no-good, rotten, makes a big deal out of everything sister is born.

This Morning

It’s 7:30 a.m. This young man is wearing a black jean jacket and walking along with his hands in his pockets. When he spots us, he bends at the waist and runs across our path with his head lowered. His hair bounces across his eyes as he jogs. Bryan and I exchange a glance just as the man begins making startled-crow sounds, “CAW! CAW! CAW!”

Once he’s passed, he straightens again and resumes his natural gait.

Rub Some Dirt in it

We hear a radio story about how injuries are way up among kids because the push to excel at competitive team sports is growing.

Me: Screw that. Whatever happened to just going out in the yard and playing? I guess if they really, really want to be on a soccer team or something, but it would suck to shuttle them from event to event so you can feel like they “excel.” They should just be kids; play however they want to play.

Bryan: As long as they win.

Me: Exactly.

The Thirst Quencher

Say you wake up, and it’s still dark, and you’re groggy, and you’re thirsty.
Say you stumble into the kitchen, and you see the silhouette of a container of cranberry juice on the counter. Say you’re sleepy, so you don’t stop to think about why it’s not in the fridge, or why the cap feels funny.

In that situation, my advice for you is not to drink it. It’s probably olive oil.