Archive for September, 2004

Five things painted on the van parked near the panhandle:

NO CLASS, NO MIND, NAZI NETWORK
3 Ps: PROHIBITION, PIGS, PUSSY
LARRY FLYNT FOR GOVERNOR
EAT PUSSY, NOT COW
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN RETARDED

John Adams, please report to the front desk.

In the museum music room, the security guard is asleep in his chair.

This little girl is standing on the sidewalk with her arms tied behind back. Her wrists are secured with a green nylon jump rope; she is about eight. It takes me a moment to figure out that this is a game, and not some freaky form of punishment being exacted by a missing adult. Her […]

Scenario: Gina has locked herself in the bathroom at the Stone Crow on West 4th.
Girlfriend: Gina! Get out here!…GINA!… I am seriously going to kick your ass if you don’t open this door… You’re freaking me out…GEEEEENNNNAAA!
Female Bar Owner: How long has she been in there?
Girlfriend: About twenty minutes?
FBO: She had too […]

When I step into the elevator, it’s empty. The air inside smells exactly like my first boyfriend.

Over dinner at a bachelorette party:
Woman 1: Well you know, before you’re twenty-five you only have a 25 percent chance of conceiving every time you have sex. Then that drops to 15 percent after twenty-five.
Woman 2: Only a 10 percent drop? I’d think it would be more.
Woman 1: Well, there are only […]

Four photos that make my throat catch:
Tiananmen
Birmingham
Johnson sworn in
Kent State
(from 100 Photographs that Changed the World, via Jason)

Guy 1: People don’t like to admit it.
Guy 2: Human experimentation works.

The Morning News just published my essay about working at the Democratic National Convention. It’s called “Give Me a Sign.” Please go read it.