Archive for August, 2003

I dreamt that they brought out our wedding cake and it was shaped like a giant teddy bear head. They had stuck a mini bride and groom in its forehead to make it seem more weddingy. This made it look like a unicorn teddy bear with cake-topper horn. I asked the baker what was […]

While I was walking downtown yesterday, a cab actually sped through a puddle and sprayed me. I didn’t think that happened in real life. It felt very “Sex and the City.” (Indignance! Exasperation! Just look at my couture tutu!) Except that instead of clacking my way to Soho House in five-inch Manolos, I was en […]

San Francisco is finally getting its summer. For the next five days or so, we’ll be basking in 80-degree weather and soaking in self-tanning lotion.
Yesterday I wore a miniskirt in celebration. I’d forgotten two things about miniskirts: 1) When you’re taking public transportation, you really want to review your seat for foreign substances before […]

On the list of things I’m not losing sleep over, the inmate-assisted death of Father Geoghan who was accused of molesting 130 children.

Me: What about, ” Where there is love, there is pain.”
Her: That’s perfect.
Me: “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.”
Her: Coffee and what?
Me: “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.”
Her: Pottery?
Other promising options include:

Loving a woman who scorns you is like licking honey […]

On the corner of Eddy and Polk there is a slow, shuffling man without pants. More accurately, this man has decided to pull down his pants and underwear until they are just below his bare bum. This makes it difficult to walk, but he inches along, drawing barely a glance from those around him. Who […]

I turned on the T.V. It was tuned to Martha Stewart who said, “And wait ’til you see what she does with melon balls!”

Office Max has stereos for sale. A customer who’s testing the speakers tunes it to a hip-hop station.
Me: Nothing makes you feel whiter than gangsta rap
Rachel: Gangsta rap in Office Max.
Me: True dat.

I go grocery shopping with Rachel, and suddenly our cart is missing.
Where’s our cart?
Wha..?
Where’s our cart?
Shit, my wallet was in there.
Shit.
Rachel hunts down the embarrassed girl who accidentally took our cart, reclaims the cart and my wallet, and puts my wallet in her purse. Ten minutes later the cart […]

Life has been busy lately. Wedding planning combined with book proposal writing has kept my brain humming. A few days ago, I made myself lunch, and sat down to work. About an hour later, I wondered why I was so hungry, having just eaten. I thought for a minute, and walked over to the microwave. […]