Mighty Life List
Aug 29 2003

My Subconscous at Work

I dreamt that they brought out our wedding cake and it was shaped like a giant teddy bear head. They had stuck a mini bride and groom in its forehead to make it seem more weddingy. This made it look like a unicorn teddy bear with cake-topper horn. I asked the baker what was going on, and she said it was artistic license.

Aug 27 2003

Achilles Intact

While I was walking downtown yesterday, a cab actually sped through a puddle and sprayed me. I didn’t think that happened in real life. It felt very “Sex and the City.” (Indignance! Exasperation! Just look at my couture tutu!) Except that instead of clacking my way to Soho House in five-inch Manolos, I was en route to the dentist in my Converse. Covet my rock-and-roll lifestyle.

Aug 26 2003

And the livin’ is Easy

San Francisco is finally getting its summer. For the next five days or so, we’ll be basking in 80-degree weather and soaking in self-tanning lotion.

Yesterday I wore a miniskirt in celebration. I’d forgotten two things about miniskirts: 1) When you’re taking public transportation, you really want to review your seat for foreign substances before you sit down. Really. 2) The bums won’t leave you alone. This is because warm-weather clothing in SF is a signal that you’re obviously a tourist, and therefore more willing to give them a buck so they’ll stop following you.

Aug 26 2003

Tradgedies

On the list of things I’m not losing sleep over, the inmate-assisted death of Father Geoghan who was accused of molesting 130 children.

Aug 22 2003

Wedding Quotes

Me: What about, ” Where there is love, there is pain.”

Her: That’s perfect.

Me: “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.”

Her: Coffee and what?

Me: “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.”

Her: Pottery?

Other promising options include:

  • Loving a woman who scorns you is like licking honey from a thorn.
  • Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
  • What female heart can despise gold?
Aug 22 2003

Stuffy

On the corner of Eddy and Polk there is a slow, shuffling man without pants. More accurately, this man has decided to pull down his pants and underwear until they are just below his bare bum. This makes it difficult to walk, but he inches along, drawing barely a glance from those around him. Who would begrudge him a little air?

San Francisco tolerance combined with the temperate clime is apparently a recipe for men without pants. I’ve seen scores in the past few years, and it continues to crack me up. Somehow, I’ve never been moved to take off my own pants and walk around. Maybe I need to loosen up.

Aug 19 2003

Cantaloupe Porn

I turned on the T.V. It was tuned to Martha Stewart who said, “And wait ’til you see what she does with melon balls!”