I dreamt that they brought out our wedding cake and it was shaped like a giant teddy bear head. They had stuck a mini bride and groom in its forehead to make it seem more weddingy. This made it look like a unicorn teddy bear with cake-topper horn. I asked the baker what was going on, and she said it was artistic license.

While I was walking downtown yesterday, a cab actually sped through a puddle and sprayed me. I didn’t think that happened in real life. It felt very “Sex and the City.” (Indignance! Exasperation! Just look at my couture tutu!) Except that instead of clacking my way to Soho House in five-inch Manolos, I was en route to the dentist in my Converse. Covet my rock-and-roll lifestyle.

San Francisco is finally getting its summer. For the next five days or so, we’ll be basking in 80-degree weather and soaking in self-tanning lotion.

Yesterday I wore a miniskirt in celebration. I’d forgotten two things about miniskirts: 1) When you’re taking public transportation, you really want to review your seat for foreign substances before you sit down. Really. 2) The bums won’t leave you alone. This is because warm-weather clothing in SF is a signal that you’re obviously a tourist, and therefore more willing to give them a buck so they’ll stop following you.

On the list of things I’m not losing sleep over, the inmate-assisted death of Father Geoghan who was accused of molesting 130 children.

Me: What about, ” Where there is love, there is pain.”

Her: That’s perfect.

Me: “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.”

Her: Coffee and what?

Me: “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.”

Her: Pottery?

Other promising options include:

• Loving a woman who scorns you is like licking honey from a thorn.
• Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
• What female heart can despise gold?