Archive for May, 2003

Scenario: Crowded mid-day bus.
Characters: Two men, one at the front of the bus, one near the back. Perhaps homeless, perhaps just a bit off.
Man 1: (Begins yelling suddenly.) K-JAMS on WYMX. WE GOTTA GRRRREEEAT SHOW FOR YOU FOLKS.
Man 2: Ha! Ha! That’s right!
Man 1: That’s right!
Man 2: Hey! Heeeeey! You […]

Just met a girl named Comfort. With a name like that you’re almost forced to go into nursing.

I only spent about ten minutes at Bay to Breakers this year. The best thing I saw was a guy sitting in a wheelchair, naked from the waist down, walking the chair up the street with his feet.
Later that day, I went to visit my grandmother.
FOOTRACE
Wanna come with us to Bay to Breakers?
I’m […]

Scenario: Bus commute at about 9:30 a.m.
Characters: Two middle-aged men.
Guy 1: A lot of people are late for work today.
Guy 2: Oh, it seems like there’s a whole bunch of people who are on this schedule.
Guy 1: Or maybe a lot of people are late for work today.
Guy 2: By […]

I started a new series for The Morning News. This one is on weddings. My first piece was posted today: “Fifteen Fights to Have Before You Get Engaged.” Go to read it, please and thank you.

Curiosa is fascinating. It’s by an artist who collects the detritus of fame, death, and other aspects of life, and groups them in interesting ways. He has a communion wafer from JFK’s funeral, a straw with Monica Lewinsky’s lipstick from the Barbara Walters interview, mortician’s eye caps (which are sharp on one side to keep […]

In a museum the other day:
Are those real skulls?
Huh. I don’t know.
I’ll check the materials tag.
What does it say?
“Oil and human skulls on canvas.”
Yep.

A man and woman are headed toward the junkyard where the Second Annual Power Tool Drag Races are about to begin. He’s sporting a mohawk and kilt with no underwear, she’s wearing a bra with dozens of three inch spikes on the cups. He says, “So you were a cheerleader, or you just have the […]

You know you’ve lived in a big city too long when room-service prices at the Fairmont look cheap. The best thing about being on the 19th floor is standing right in front of the bay window, naked, brushing your teeth.
Bryan has packed five tubes of chapstick in his travel bag.

Do you remember the first time you said something stupid and had a reflex to hit the undo command? That’s happening to me with TiVo technology now. In the last few weeks, I’ve had the urge to rewind NPR more than once. In conversation, if I want someone to get to the point, I think, […]