Archive for December, 2002

12.17.02 IN OTHER NEWS
After a year of inattention, my archives are current. Lest you think that I finally let the guilt of a thousand (dozen) emails get to me, it was actually Bryan who finally snapped. He’s an orderly kinda guy. Thanks, mister.

12.16.02 THEY’VE GONE WILD
Me: Have you seen any of these “Girls Gone Wild” videos?
B: It’s all these women showing their boobs, and then every ten minutes or so, the guy filming says (monotone voice), “They’ve gone wild.”
Me: It’s hilarious, he’s totally deadpan, no inflection whatsoever. That poor guy needs a new job, […]

12.13.02 MOUTH, OW
When you don’t leave the house for four days because your mouth hurts when you speak, eat, or breathe, and the medication makes you feel like your brain is swaddled in wool, you find new ways to measure self-worth. For example, a while ago I purchased a lot of spaghetti noodles–too many […]

12.11.02 HAT BABY
The Morning News posted my third piece in the fashion series yesterday. It’s about hats. I would’ve told you sooner, but I was busy with oral surgery yesterday and jury duty on Monday. It’s been a monkey-butt week, but everything is better with painkillers.

12.09.02 OVERHEARD
Characters: Two homeless men on the bus.
Guy one: (angrily) SIT down!
Guy two: Why?
Guy one: We’re not getting off until Church!
Guy two : (Silent)
Guy one: I’m close to God.
Guy two: That’s good.

12.05.02 POINT OF CLARIFICATION
Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got. I’m still Maggie from the block.

12.03.02 IMPRACTICAL
This woman is wearing spike heels, and I am watching her ankles. They shake perceptibly with each tiny step, and she seems to be having trouble balancing her bag on her arm. Who is she trying to attract with the hobbled, mincing look? Perhaps she has a thing for muggers.

12.2.02 NEEDFUL THINGS
There is a store on Valencia Street that sells–among other things–small, dead alligators dressed as Victorian women. They are relatively expensive. Apparently, customers purchase these items and bring them home for display in the living room. Their friends visit and say, “Goodness. What is that?” The proud owners say, “That is a […]