10.24.02 HOW EDITORS THINK

Amit says: “I’m self conscious every time I use an exclamation mark. “

10.23.02 THAT’S RIGHT

The guy who has temporarily taken over the office behind me is fantastic. He’s like a caricature of a salesman. I know this should annoy me, but his enthusiasm is so entertaining that it’s become endearing. Overhearing half of his phone conversations is almost like watching a Kids In the Hall routine. He doesn’t talk, he yells. Better yet, he yells even when he’s talking to himself. Evidence a recent conversation with his grandfather:

I’ll tell you what! Here’s what we’re gonna do. You ready?�

I’m gonna get myself over there, and we’re gonna watch ourselves a BASEBALL GAME!�

That’s right!

We’re gonna watch the Giants PUMMEL those guys, right Grampy?…

Heh heh. I am an optimist. That’s right!..

Glass half FULL, right?�

You taught me that, eh?�

Ha!HA! That’s right!

So I’ll see you tonight there, old man�

Yep. Sure will!�

See you then.

(Hangs up.)

ALL RIGHT, GRAMPY!

10.22.02 IMPULSE

This man in a well-tailored European suit has left his suitcase on the curb while he retrieves something from the intersection. A blue work shirt on a wire hanger dangles from the suitcase handle. As I pass, I want to take this hanger between my thumb and forefinger, lift it, and carry it with me. I’d like to see what the man will do when a well-dressed woman who has obviously showered recently steals his interview shirt. But I keep walking instead, no more interesting than I was to begin with.

10.16.02 FIRE, BRIMSTONE, LATTE

Two evangelical missionaries are standing on the corner. The big letters on their chest placards read “FALLEN! FALLEN IS THE GREAT �” and “BURNING IN HELL�” with little hand-painted flames licking at the letters. It’s a sunny day, and they’re smiling, sipping cups of coffee, laughing at each other’s jokes, and ignoring the commute crowd. Gentlemen, God is watching.

10.14.02 BETTER

Driving in silence.

B: What are you thinking about, my darling?

Me: Art.

B: Oh.

Me: What are you thinking about?

B: Chips.

Me: Ha!

B: Heh.

Me: � I’m smarter than you.

The next morning.

B: Ow. Be careful.

Me: What?

B: I have bruise right there from giving platelets.

Me: Uck! Uck!

B: It’s not a big deal.

Me: Blehhhh. That’s a yucky, sensitive place to have a bruise.

B: You’d put up with a bruise there if you could help, like, four people by just giving blood.

Me: Uck! Uck! I have to think about puppy dogs and rainbows now.

B: Why don’t you think about art?

Me: Ha!� Punk.