HOOTENANNY (OR THANKS, MR. DAVE)

Saturday night, I went to see Chris Isaak and Natalie Merchant at the Chronicle Pavillion in Concord. Ms. Merchant, you may be surprised to learn, is a mover. She bends at the waist, rips her head back and forth, and uses her elbows to do a convincing airplane propeller imitation. It�s fascinating and somewhat terrifying. I wanted to catch her head and say, �Natalie, Natalie, you�ll need your neck in the morning, love. Stay away from that bad man with the Minithins.�

Chris Issak is so much the better once you have a good wine buzz. This was easy to come by, as the walking vendors were selling carafes of red wine. I shit you not. This was when I knew I�d landed squarely in my target demographic, and I went down without the slightest struggle. The audience was a sea of happily bouncing white thirtysomethings wrapped in fleecy goodness. I had my Calvin Klien Jeans, a cellphone in my pocket, and a general sense of goodwill. I�ll be expecting my Pottery Barn Kids catalog in the mail next week.

6.20.02 FEAR YOU BEFORE THEY FEEL YOU

Excerpted from Nothing’s Shocking by Dennis A. Mahoney:

“We�re left with 100-pound weaklings like Eminem kicking sand in our faces. In his latest single, ‘Without Me,’ the wild rapper hits controversial targets like TRL, techno music, and Saddam Hussein. Oh shit — did he just slam Iraq? White boy crazy.“

6.19.02 DENVER

I just got back from Colorado, home of The Melting Pot, an all-fondue restaurant. How many times have you thought, “This food just isn’t� melted enough. Where can I go for more glutinous culinary options?” Colorado, my friends, land of cheese and honey. And if you�d like a nightcap after a satisfyingly runny meal? Locals head over to Prom Discount Liquors (for all of their underage drinking needs).

6.18.02 INDIGNITIES

“Chagrin and Men I Have Loved,” I wrote a new piece for the Morning News.

6.12.02 POINTS OF INTEREST

We went on a hike in Lassen National Park this last weekend. (Hike is a euphemism for seven hours of off-trail snow plowing in running shoes while clinging to the nice young man with the GPS.) Some favorite things from the trip up:

• A billboard for Colusa Casino advertising high-stakes bingo.
• Hogsback Road, where an obviously important hog-related event presumably took place sometime in the 1900s.
• A truck with “Chevrolet” airbrushed on the back in flowing script. There were rose vines circling the word, and a big red apple in place of the “O.”
• James and Son Prune Dehydrators.