Me: Oh my God. They have individual little snack-size packs of ranch dressing now. Americans are disgusting. Is it too exhausting to pour it out of the bottle so you can dip stuff in it?
Guy 1: No, no. The foil tops make it easier to stick a straw in.
Me: Ha! Why don’t we just mainline it?
Guy 2: (Announcer voice) Are you tired of all those pesky ranch delivery vehicles?
Me: The baby carrots have too much texture. Celery detracts from the pure ranch experience.
Guy 1: Awesome.
LUNCH NEAR THE CONVENTION CENTER
Me: What do their badges say?
Guy 1: Digestive Disease Week.
Me: What the hell? It’s a conference?
Guy 2: Apparently.
Guy 1: Gotta go guys, I’m off to the Unusual Tongue Growths Panel.
Girl 1: Can we have lunch later? I don’t want to miss the Esophageal Extension Roundtable.
Guy 1: I can’t wait for the Ulcerous Cavities Birds of a Feather!
Me: I think they heard you.