6.28.02 I CAN ONLY HOPE NOT

Email subject header:

Maggie, do we have a synergy?

NO MONEY

Two old men stand on the streetcar island waiting to board. One is wearing a straw fedora, the other a newsie cap.

Man 1: I ain�t got not money. You got money?

Man 2: (Shrugs.) Guess we got to walk then.

Both: Hahahahahahaha.

(Short quiet conversation with bus driver ensues. The men climb aboard.)

M1: Hey, who�s that girl I saw you with?

M2: Who dat?

M1: The girl in the park.

M2: Oh.

M1: That Romie?

M2: Yeah.

M1: So� Wapbopadeebot?

M2: HA! Yeah, man. Wapbopadeebot. It�s birthday time.

Both: Hahahahahaha

M1: You know Tony Bennet sang that song, �I Left My Heart in San Francisco?�

M2: What about it?

M1: Well you left your heart in…

Both: hahahhahaha

M2: Man, I ain�t got no heart. Jus somethin poppin in my chest.

Both: hahahaha

M2: �Streetcar Named Desire� more like it.

(They sigh together.)

M2: Man, I don�t even care. I�m on vacation. I got me a week off.

M1: Where you goin?

M2: To sleep.

M1: Sleep is right. You doin a lot of �sleepin.�

M2: Yesiree Bob.

6.27.02 GAY PRIDE WEEK

I’m sifting through the handbags in my favorite Mission thrift store, when the man next to me taps my shoulder. He’s attractive, well-dressed, late forties.

Him: Excuse me, can I ask your advice?

Me: Sure.

(He holds up a feminine red blazer and two purses.)

Him: Which of these purses goes better with this blazer?

Me: Well, the left one won�t work because the reds don�t match, and the one on the right is a little crazy. Is the woman artistic?

Him: I sure am.

Me: So, you’re the woman.

Him: Yep.

Me: Then it�s perfect. Have a fun weekend.

ONLY YOU

This morning I noticed a smoldering cigarette in the street. As most of the western United States is on fire right now, I walked a few steps over and crushed it with my toe. Then I realized how silly the impulse was. It’s not as if the asphalt were about to ignite. For a moment, it made me a little sad to live in a place where nothing burns.

MASTER OF MY DOMAIN

I’m way too excited about this. Two days ago, I successfully registered mightygirl.org and mightygirl.com. Triumviratacious. Troikarama.

6.26.02 SPEAKING OF SEATS

I don�t like it when my seat is unexpectedly warm, it seems too intimate. On the bus, on the can, in the diner–I don�t want someone else�s heat on my bum.

6.25.02 RAISE YOUR HAND

When someone is sitting next to you on the streetcar, then rises to take a single seat that opens up, should this offend you?

6.24.02 MINORITY REPORT

I liked this movie. Tom Cruise looks good bald. This means that we can look forward to watching him decay onscreen as he’s paired with increasingly attractive 19-year-old leading ladies.