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Maggie, do we have a synergy?

NO MONEY

Two old men stand on the streetcar island waiting to board. One is wearing a straw fedora, the other a newsie cap.

Man 1: I ain’t got not money. You got money?

Man 2: (Shrugs.) Guess we got to walk then.

Both: Hahahahahahaha.

(Short quiet conversation with bus driver ensues. The men climb aboard.)

M1: Hey, who’s that girl I saw you with?

M2: Who dat?

M1: The girl in the park.

M2: Oh.

M1: That Romie?

M2: Yeah.

M1: So Wapbopadeebot?

M2: HA! Yeah, man. Wapbopadeebot. It’s birthday time.

Both: Hahahahahaha

M1: You know Tony Bennet sang that song, I Left My Heart in San Francisco?

M2: What about it?

M1: Well you left your heart in…

Both: hahahhahaha

M2: Man, I ain’t got no heart. Jus somethin poppin in my chest.

Both: hahahaha

M2: Streetcar Named Desire more like it.

(They sigh together.)

M2: Man, I don’t even care. I’m on vacation. I got me a week off.

M1: Where you goin?

M2: To sleep.

M1: Sleep is right. You doin a lot of sleepin.

M2: Yesiree Bob.

I’m sifting through the handbags in my favorite Mission thrift store, when the man next to me taps my shoulder. He’s attractive, well-dressed, late forties.

Him: Excuse me, can I ask your advice?

Me: Sure.

(He holds up a feminine red blazer and two purses.)

Him: Which of these purses goes better with this blazer?

Me: Well, the left one won’t work because the reds don’t match, and the one on the right is a little crazy. Is the woman artistic?

Him: I sure am.

Me: So, you’re the woman.

Him: Yep.

Me: Then it’s perfect. Have a fun weekend.

ONLY YOU

This morning I noticed a smoldering cigarette in the street. As most of the western United States is on fire right now, I walked a few steps over and crushed it with my toe. Then I realized how silly the impulse was. It’s not as if the asphalt were about to ignite. For a moment, it made me a little sad to live in a place where nothing burns.

MASTER OF MY DOMAIN

I’m way too excited about this. Two days ago, I successfully registered mightygirl.org and mightygirl.com. Triumviratacious. Troikarama.

I don’t like it when my seat is unexpectedly warm, it seems too intimate. On the bus, on the can, in the diner–I don’t want someone else’s heat on my bum.

When someone is sitting next to you on the streetcar, then rises to take a single seat that opens up, should this offend you?

I liked this movie. Tom Cruise looks good bald. This means that we can look forward to watching him decay onscreen as he’s paired with increasingly attractive 19-year-old leading ladies.