85207672
6.28.02 I CAN ONLY HOPE NOT
Email subject header:
Maggie, do we have a synergy?
NO MONEY
Two old men stand on the streetcar island waiting to board. One is wearing a straw fedora, the other a newsie cap.
Man 1: I ain�t got not money. You got money?
Man 2: (Shrugs.) Guess we got to walk then.
Both: Hahahahahahaha.
(Short quiet conversation with bus driver ensues. The men climb aboard.)
M1: Hey, who�s that girl I saw you with?
M2: Who dat?
M1: The girl in the park.
M2: Oh.
M1: That Romie?
M2: Yeah.
M1: So� Wapbopadeebot?
M2: HA! Yeah, man. Wapbopadeebot. It�s birthday time.
Both: Hahahahahaha
M1: You know Tony Bennet sang that song, �I Left My Heart in San Francisco?�
M2: What about it?
M1: Well you left your heart in…
Both: hahahhahaha
M2: Man, I ain�t got no heart. Jus somethin poppin in my chest.
Both: hahahaha
M2: �Streetcar Named Desire� more like it.
(They sigh together.)
M2: Man, I don�t even care. I�m on vacation. I got me a week off.
M1: Where you goin?
M2: To sleep.
M1: Sleep is right. You doin a lot of �sleepin.�
M2: Yesiree Bob.
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85204753
6.27.02 GAY PRIDE WEEK
I’m sifting through the handbags in my favorite Mission thrift store, when the man next to me taps my shoulder. He’s attractive, well-dressed, late forties.
Him: Excuse me, can I ask your advice?
Me: Sure.
(He holds up a feminine red blazer and two purses.)
Him: Which of these purses goes better with this blazer?
Me: Well, the left one won�t work because the reds don�t match, and the one on the right is a little crazy. Is the woman artistic?
Him: I sure am.
Me: So, you’re the woman.
Him: Yep.
Me: Then it�s perfect. Have a fun weekend.
ONLY YOU
This morning I noticed a smoldering cigarette in the street. As most of the western United States is on fire right now, I walked a few steps over and crushed it with my toe. Then I realized how silly the impulse was. It’s not as if the asphalt were about to ignite. For a moment, it made me a little sad to live in a place where nothing burns.
MASTER OF MY DOMAIN
I’m way too excited about this. Two days ago, I successfully registered mightygirl.org and mightygirl.com. Triumviratacious. Troikarama.
385200722
6.26.02 SPEAKING OF SEATS
I don�t like it when my seat is unexpectedly warm, it seems too intimate. On the bus, on the can, in the diner–I don�t want someone else�s heat on my bum.
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85199287
6.25.02 RAISE YOUR HAND
When someone is sitting next to you on the streetcar, then rises to take a single seat that opens up, should this offend you?
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85195862
6.24.02 MINORITY REPORT
I liked this movie. Tom Cruise looks good bald. This means that we can look forward to watching him decay onscreen as he’s paired with increasingly attractive 19-year-old leading ladies.
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