1.29.02 REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY

Me: My sister does this thing with her kids whenever they�re freaked out about something. Like my nephew will come up and say, �Mommy, I found a worm in my sandbox and it�s crawling all around.� And she�ll say, �Luckyyyyyy,� like it�s something cool.

Him: Does it work?

Me: Yeah. The kids just get all self-satisfied and go back to what they were doing.

Him: I�m going to try that with clients. (gruff voice) �The project is three weeks late.�� Luckyyyyyy.

5:03 p.m.

1.28.02 SELF PROMOTION AND THE MATING DANCE

I passed a girl with a license plate that read �JBRATTY.” It was in a �Princess� plate frame, and she also had one of those sparkly pink stickers on the bumper that said, �100% Fine.� Oddly, there are guys who look at these glittery warning flags and think, �Ha-HA! Brataay. I like �em with a little spunk.� I know because I’ve met them. They�re the same guys who approach me at a bar, call me �sassy� when I say something less stupid than they expect, then shift uncomfortably from foot to foot when I blink at them.

6:13 p.m.

1.25.02 TOLD YOU SO

Lunching at a favorite Chinese food restaurant with a friend:

Me: This water tastes like sperm.

Her: Whaat?

Me: Yep.

Her: Are you serious?

Me: It�s not strong. I think it�s the detergent or something. Taste it.

Her: No. Way. Don�t drink that.

Me: There�s no detritus floating around or anything.

Her: Sick.

A few months later we travel to Bali together. We decide to lunch at a caf� down the street from our hotel.

Me: (Sips water, reflects.)

Her: (Sips water.)

Me: This is what I was talking about.

Her: What?

Me: Do you taste it?

Her: The sperm, you mean?

Me: Yep.

Her: Yep.

Me: It’s got to be some weird cheap-o brand of dish detergent.

Her: Let’s hope so.

2:21 p.m.

SERENDIPITY

I bought a used version of The Best American Travel Writing 2000. While I was reading it this morning, someone�s old airplane-ticket stub fell out.

10:25 a.m.

1.24.02 LADIES NIGHT EXCERPT

Lady 1: To be honest, it wasn�t that I didn�t find him attractive. I just didn�t think he was the type of guy who�d be attracted to me.

Lady 2: Why?

Lady 1: Well, I didn�t think he was into black girls.

Lady 3: Ah.

Lady 1: No� I mean… How can I put this?

Lady 4: You don�t have to be too PC.

Lady 1: No, it�s just that� Certain types of white guys are attracted to certain types of black girls. Like, there�s the guy who�s attracted to the petite, Halle Barry type of black girl�

Lady 2: The white black girl.

Lady 1: Exactly. And then there�s the guys who�re attracted to the darker black girls because it�s more of a� I don�t know. And then there�s the guys who just aren�t attracted to black girls. I sort of assumed he was one of those.

Lady 2: Why?

Lady 1: He just didn�t look like the type.

Lady 2: What, was he a rocker or something?

Lady 1: Actually, he looks a lot like Billy Idol.

All: OOOOOOOooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh!

Lady 5: Like all snarly?

Lady 6: He has a beautiful set of teeth. Perfect teeth.

Lady 1: I should have brought pictures.

Lady 6: You should�ve.

Lady 5: Is he all tatted up?

Lady 1: He has some tattoos�

All: OOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!

Lady 1: We hung out together, and I stayed over, and we spent Sunday morning watching football.

Lady 2: That�s commitment.

Lady 1: Yeah, you could tell I really liked him because I was doing the girly thing, like, �Now, first in ten� What does that mean again?�

Lady 2: Awesome.

4:13 p.m.

1.24.02 DEADLINE PRESSURE

I used to work with Kate, and I miss her. Kate loved vendor gifts. She had a favorite pen that lit up when you clicked it, a straw cowboy hat sent with some promo materials, and a red bandana with a big startup logo in the middle. One day as I passed her cube, I glanced in. She was wearing the cowboy hat and had tied the bandana around her face. Her eyes widened when she saw me. �What are you doing?� I asked. She bugged her eyes, held the flashing pen above her head, and whispered:

�I�m a secret space cowboy.�

3:14 p.m.

1.23.02 JUNIOR HIGH SEXUAL POLITICS, OVERHEARD

Boy: �Most guys think, �If I could put my power drive up in her, that’d be alright.�

Shiny Shirt Girl: What if he’s just not interested in doing it because he’s only 15?

Boy: Then he’s not a guy.

Shiny Shirt Girl: 15?!

Girl in Pigtails: I hate to say it, but I have to agree with George on this one.

5:15 p.m.