Mighty Life List
Oct 31 2000

In honor of Halloween, the best Jack O’Lantern I’ve seen in awhile.

4:13 p.m.

Oct 31 2000

Stolen from the archives of one of my favorite blogs,
An Entirely Other Day:

“So there’s this over-weight 45-year-old woman
standing in line at Rite-Aid. She’s wearing
leopard-skin tights, and waiting to buy a
twelve-pack of beer and one of those backyard
Tiki torches.

And people say Americans aren’t subtle.”

9:13 a.m.

Oct 30 2000

On the bus this morning, a little boy who was sitting with his sister started singing, “Where’s my funny bone? Where’s my funny bone?”
Actually, it sounded more like, “Wheres-meh-fonnybone? Wheres-meh-fonnybone?” But his sister must have understood, because after the obligatory moment of pretending to ignore him, she brought her fist down on his knee. Hard. He screamed, “AAGGgggrraaaaahumph!”

There was a four second pause, then he started singing, “Wheres-meh-OTHER-fonnybone?”

Kids are rad.

10:22 a.m.

Oct 27 2000

This site is crack in a little HTML vial. Hot or Not uploads photos of people and asks you to rate their looks on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m inexplicably mezmerized. With each click my brain gets heavier and duller until it takes me half an hour just to realize that I need to pee. Just…one…more…,…just…two..more.

Anyway, try it once. All the cool kids are doing it. You can stop whenever you want.

10:19 a.m.

Oct 26 2000

Since The Bridges of Madison County, I’m dubious when people say, “You haveto read this book. ” But I finally read The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing and it rocked. The first book I’ve read in recent memory with a heroine who was funny and wasn’t punished for it:

“No wonder I’m single,” she says to the mirror. “Even I don’t want to go to bed with these thighs.”

I say getting married isn’t like winning the Miss America Pageant; it doesn’t all come down to the bathing suit competition.

“What do you think it comes down to?” she says.

I say, “Baton twirling.”

4:56 p.m.

Oct 26 2000

Top three headlines from the November issue of Martha Stewart Living:

“Organizing Pots and Pans.”

“Ironing a Table Cloth”

“Pantries of Maine”

2:42 p.m.

Oct 26 2000

Seeing Spots

The bus posters for Disney’s new 101 Dalmations feature a bunch of puppies falling through the air. They have quizzical expressions, they’re posed in awkward, falling-puppy positions. Cute, I guess, but puppies don’t land on their feet. I can’t get those 101 sickly thuds out of my head.