Archive for July, 2000

7.31.00

My favorite line from the Onion’s story about

Harry Potter turning kids to Satanism
:
“Hermione is my favorite, because she’s smart and has a kitty,” said 6-year-old Jessica Lehman of Easley, SC. “Jesus died because He was weak and stupid.”
3:51 p.m.

I can’t get anything done when the Onion posts a new edition. Here’s every T.G.I. Friday’s dining experience I’ve ever had:

Welcome to T.G.I. Fridays! May I annoy the living shit out of you?

2:40 p.m.

7.28.00

I just bought a package of phallic stick pretzels called “Rods.”
10:42 a.m.

7.27.00

The shell of a cicada
It sang itself
Utterly away

-Basho
4:12 p.m.

7.26.00

I’m back from my road trip, and as soon as I get my photos delveloped I’ll have some doozies for the butts across America site.

1:49 p.m.

7.19.00

I’ll be on vacation for the next few days. Need… sunlight.

6:28 p.m.

7.19.00

Butts Across America

National monuments and butt crack–two great tastes that taste great together.

2:37 p.m.

From
McSweeny’s

:

AN INVESTIGATIVE INTERVIEW BETWEEN A SEEMINGLY UNRELIABLE NARRATOR AND A WEEBLES REPRESENTATIVE

SEEMINGLY UNRELIABLE NARRATOR: Is it true that Weebles
wobble, but they don’t fall down?

WEEBLES REPRESENTATIVE: Yes.

SUN: Does that mean they simply choose not to fall down, or that it is
impossible for them to fall down?

WR: It […]

7.18.00

Exhortation
By Mike Nichols

You have not, as I, walked
the silent sleeping streets,
with streaming eyes, running
from the women in the windows.
You have not slid, as I have slid,
under the seas to see the shells,
smiling and swimming silently.
You have not seen the moon
running along the sky.
So shut up.

10:25 a.m.

7.17.00

My two favorite

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

:
“Any time I see something screech across the room and latch on to someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I just have to laugh, because what is that thing?!”
“I can still recall old Mr. Barslow getting out every morning and nailing […]