McSweeny’s:AN INVESTIGATIVE INTERVIEW BETWEEN A SEEMINGLY UNRELIABLE NARRATOR AND A WEEBLES REPRESENTATIVE SEEMINGLY UNRELIABLE NARRATOR: Is it true that Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down? WEEBLES REPRESENTATIVE: Yes. SUN: Does that mean they simply choose not to fall down, or that it is impossible for them to fall down? WR: It is impossible for Weebles to fall down. And since Weebles are not living things, it is also impossible for them to choose to do anything. SUN: Weebles aren't alive? But what about those creepy eyes? WR: While Weeble artisans make a concerted effort to create a lifelike appearance on each and every Weeble, I can assure you that your Weebles are not alive. SUN: Butï¿½ WR: Seriously, they're not alive. Get a grip. SUN: Okay, can we back up a little bit? Because I'm getting confused. Weebles fall down, but they don't wobble? Is that it? WR: No, no, no. This is not difficult. They wobble, and do not fall down. How many times do I have to say it? SUN: Well, wait a minute now. I stuck a Weeble into some Silly Putty, and now it's lying down. What do you have to say to that? WR: Just because a Weeble is lying down does not mean that it fell down. Lying down is something one does on purpose, while falling down is accidental. SUN: But how can Weebles do anything on purpose if they're not alive? WR: Hey. That was just a figure of speech. SUN: Okay, I'm dropping a Weeble off the edge of the Grand Canyon. I think now you have to admit that it's falling, don't you? WR: Ah, well, now you're just taking advantage of the broader range of connotations of "fall" vis-ï¿½-vis the comparatively narrow definition of "fall down". Perhaps this is a slightly abstruse semantic point, but while one can not fall down without falling, it is possible to fall without falling down, if you catch my drift. SUN: Well, being seemingly unreliable, I don't quite follow you there, but let's move on anyway. What is inside a Weeble? WR: Just plastic. Oh, and a single pellet of a mysterious superheavy compound from a faraway planet that fell to earth in a giant meteorite, of course. SUN: While I've got you here, you don't know what happened to my cat, do you? It was in the bedroom the last time I looked. WR: Well, the Weebles didn't eat it, that's for sure! Because they're not alive. Ha ha. Really. Not... alive. Can't stress that enough. I have to go now.