The guy who has temporarily taken over the office behind me is fantastic. He’s like a caricature of a salesman. I know this should annoy me, but his enthusiasm is so entertaining that it’s become endearing. Overhearing half of his phone conversations is almost like watching a Kids In the Hall routine. He doesn’t talk, he yells. Better yet, he yells even when he’s talking to himself. Evidence a recent conversation with his grandfather:

I’ll tell you what! Here’s what we’re gonna do. You ready?

I’m gonna get myself over there, and we’re gonna watch ourselves a BASEBALL GAME!

That’s right!

We’re gonna watch the Giants PUMMEL those guys, right Grampy?…

Heh heh. I am an optimist. That’s right!..

Glass half FULL, right?

You taught me that, eh?

Ha!HA! That’s right!

So I’ll see you tonight there, old man

Yep. Sure will!

See you then.

(Hangs up.)

ALL RIGHT, GRAMPY!

Didn’t you send me email yesterday? I thought so. Be a love, and resend? Thanks.

This morning, I stumbled into the bathroom, put the toothpaste on my toothbrush, and dropped it in the toilet. Things can only get better.

Not so long ago, my roommate and I decided to clean out the fridge. We moved into a three-bedroom place within a few months of each other. Apparently, previous roommates had simply been leaving behind things they didn’t feel like moving out, or didn’t remember they owned. The fridge was no exception. We found a jar of jam from 1998. We also found a gallon bag of crushed cayenne in the freezer, and about twelve bottles of hot sauce (various brands) in the door of the fridge. One of the sauces actually made Rachel’s hands burn as she was pouring it out. Someone who once lived in our house obviously has no tongue.

This morning, the bus smelled of fried prawns. The man next to me was sitting much too close. This made me want to push him. I ultimately decided against it.

I totally won the office picnic hula-hoop contest. Then I had a sno-cone.

Me: What are you getting?

Him: A Caramel Macchiato.

Me: You can’t do that.

Him: They’re so good though.

Me: Don’t do it.

He: I really want one.

Me: You can do it. The option is yours.

Him: I know. I shouldn’t.

Me: There are certainly more honorable ways to sacrifice your manhood.

MY BRAIN

Just returned from a beautiful wedding in San Diego. They were married in a Japanese tea garden, and they even took the time to write their own vows. Everything was perfectly lovely; I snuffled through the whole thing. But what I’ll remember most thirty years from now is my improperly puerile giggle when the bride and groom promised to “play with each other” for the rest of their lives.

I may be reading books written for college kids, but I’m still laughing at a seventh-grade level.