Tag: humor

Antiheros

B: Did you just call her boobs “the villains?”

T: What? No! I said, “If you’re willing.”

Me: I’m totally calling my boobs the villains from now on. McNeil and Lehrer is getting tired.

This Whole Party

I’ve had several people point out my mistaken impressions about the OPP song. At first, I thought my white-girl interpretation was part of the charm, but the email has gotten out of hand so I’m publishing a correction. Below is my favorite explanation from one Gregory Lopez, who seems like a very nice guy:

Re: O.P.P.

In case anyone on the left coast hasn’t made this clear yet, OPP is (and in the case of Naughty By Nature: was) short for –

clean: Other People’s Property

dirty: Other Peoples P*ssy (sorry, it’s an offensive word…)

So, from a conceptual (and non-drunk) point of view, the question “(Are) you down wit’ O.P.P.?” is really “Pardon me Sir, are you quite fond of flaunting your disrespect for the communal bond of a relationship and all that it entails?” and the answer “Yeah you know me!” is really “Gosh, As I examine my past behavior, I HAVE been known to commit transgressions regarding mine and others’ sexual fidelity. Bully!”

Let the Man Go Through

We head to the Mission for our hangover breakfast. It being mid-January in California, we decide to sit outside. During a pleasant lull in the conversation an older man zips by on a motorized cart. Our heads turn in unison to follow his progress up the sidewalk.

The cart is surprisingly silent, and quick. He stops short, two inches from the heels of a sleepy hipster who is waiting for a table. We wait for the older man to clear his throat, or murmur “excuse me.” Instead he reaches angrily for his handlebar:

BBBRRRRING-RRRING!

Of course, he has a bike bell.

Saturday Night

Music: YOU DOWN WITH OPP? YEAH YOU KNOW ME!

L: What does that mean?

Me: What?

L: What does that even mean?

Me: It means, “Say, do you feel that OPP accurately represents your worldview, resulting in an increased respect for, and loyalty to, him and what he represents?”

L:What?

M: And then the other guy says, “Why yes, you’re well-acquainted with my fealty for said musician. In fact, this entire party feels the same way.”

L:…You’re drunk.

Advice

When you’re discussing the wedding over Thanksgiving turkey with your grandparents, skip the part about the two straight chicks who made out on the dance floor.