Say you’re at a costume party trying to hit on a girl dressed as a Girl Scout. You think, “I know, I’ll ask about her cookies! Girl Scouts sell cookies, don’t they? I shall win her with my witty repartee, my sly double entendre.” Unfortunately, your cookie joke is not the first she’s heard. She nods vaguely and lumps you with the forty other Cookie Guys she’s met this evening. Some of the better lines I heard:

  • Pure in word thought, and deed?
  • (From the guy dressed as an environmentalist.) It’s not easy being green.
  • I�ll bet you’re prepared for anything.
  • I don’t have much to offer, but I’m totally willing to be your good deed for tonight.

10:38 a.m.

A post I relate to from Onfocus:

“This whole daylight savings time thing is throwing me off. I find myself wide awake at 6:30, trying to do math. The
groggy internal dialogue goes something like this: now is it really 5:30 or 7:30? should I be more tired than I am?
why am I awake if it’s really 5:30? it must be 7:30. should I sleep for a while to try to acclimate to this time?
should I just get up? Then I lay around, awake. Not being productive at waking life. Not being productive at
sleeping. In a hazy purgatory of hours rolling forward and backward. ”

12:40 p.m.

Things I heard in the Castro last night:

  • Guy in a Renaissance-Faire-type outfit: “That’s exactly the kind of Spock costume I want. Blue, the badge… original series.”
  • Girl in Viking Hat with Large Group and Large Beer: “I’ll be 18 in TWO HOURS! WooooooooHooooooooo!” Much high-fiving.
  • Naked Playing Card Girl: “Have you seen the rest of my deck?”
  • Twelve 20 year olds who had climbed atop the bus stop shelter: “ROCK AND ROLL! ROCK AND ROLL WILL NEVER DIE!!”
  • Luke to Princess Lea: “Where’d I put my light saber? Do you have it? Shit… I think someone ripped off my light saber.”

11:22 a.m.

Stolen from the archives of one of my favorite blogs,
An Entirely Other Day:

“So there’s this over-weight 45-year-old woman
standing in line at Rite-Aid. She’s wearing
leopard-skin tights, and waiting to buy a
twelve-pack of beer and one of those backyard
Tiki torches.

And people say Americans aren’t subtle.”

9:13 a.m.

On the bus this morning, a little boy who was sitting with his sister started singing, “Where’s my funny bone? Where’s my funny bone?”
Actually, it sounded more like, “Wheres-meh-fonnybone? Wheres-meh-fonnybone?” But his sister must have understood, because after the obligatory moment of pretending to ignore him, she brought her fist down on his knee. Hard. He screamed, “AAGGgggrraaaaahumph!”

There was a four second pause, then he started singing, “Wheres-meh-OTHER-fonnybone?”

Kids are rad.

10:22 a.m.

This site is crack in a little HTML vial. Hot or Not uploads photos of people and asks you to rate their looks on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m inexplicably mezmerized. With each click my brain gets heavier and duller until it takes me half an hour just to realize that I need to pee. Just…one…more…,…just…two..more.

Anyway, try it once. All the cool kids are doing it. You can stop whenever you want.

10:19 a.m.

Since The Bridges of Madison County, I’m dubious when people say, “You haveto read this book. ” But I finally read The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing and it rocked. The first book I’ve read in recent memory with a heroine who was funny and wasn’t punished for it:

“No wonder I’m single,” she says to the mirror. “Even I don’t want to go to bed with these thighs.”

I say getting married isn’t like winning the Miss America Pageant; it doesn’t all come down to the bathing suit competition.

“What do you think it comes down to?” she says.

I say, “Baton twirling.”

4:56 p.m.