The Odds

So I’m planning a bachelorette party. Is anyone surprised that my Google search for:

San Francisco “straight male strippers”

produced zero results?


ELSEWHERE

Mark Eitzel has a particularly mesmerizing link list. Find out what death-row convicts order for their last meals, study the intricacies of bagpipe music in movies, gain unlimited access to My Little Pony GIFs, and explore the decaying buildings of Detroit. Go to his site and click on All for more goodies.


826 VALENCIA FUNDRAISER

Him: My shoes were just way over the top.

Her: Yeah.

Abhaya

J: I’ve only ever gotten two tickets.
Me: Tell the speeding one.
J: It was bad.
Me: What were you doing?
J: I was going 92 in a 55.
R: Jesus.
J: And I talked back to the cop.
Me: Why?
J: He was just going on and on about how I could’ve killed someone. You know?
R: What did you say?
J: I said, “Just give me the ticket.”
Me: Whoa.
J: I was in a hurry.
Me: Where were you going?
J: To yoga.

Sarah Hepola

Go read her July 13 post about her dad at sarahheppola.com. Then read the rest of her site. Sarah is extra keen. Here’s an excerpt:

So when I get to Michigan, I said, tearing some bread, I thought I might spend some time in Detroit. Sometimes, when I am talking in a restaurant, I like to tear things. A paper napkin. The sweaty label of a beer bottle. I tear these things into pieces and put them in a pile of little white wads on the table. When there is nothing left to tear and wad, I arrange the pile in different shapes. A circle. A square. An S, for Sarah. Tonight, I am breaking up pieces of crust in front of me. If you listen closely, you can hear the tiny clicks of my fingernail on the plate. So anyway, I thought we might talk a little bit about Detroit

You should talk to your aunt. My Dad tears off some bread.

Okay, I say (click click), but I thought maybe you and I could talk.

Talk to your aunt.

The clicks become louder and more frequent. Did you not grow up in Detroit? I ask.

He waves his hand. Eh. And then he laughs. It’s such a mystery to me, my father’s laugh. I mean, she’s the one who lives there and

I’ll call my aunt. Later, I will wonder why I cant stop crying about this, but for now, I brush my hands off and put them in my lap.

The waiter appears. Would you like something to drink? he asks.

We answer at once: Yes.


DON’T LET’S START

Went to a They Might Be Giants concert last night at the Fillmore. Everyone bounced madly and sang along. THESUNISAMASSOFINCANDESCENTGAS.

My life is officially a Passat commercial.

Contrarian

My first piece for Filmcritic.com is up. It’s a
review of Nijinsky. Nijinsky is a bad movie.

I also wrote a CD review of Exo’s “Say Hello to the Master Siege Control” for the Morning News. The premise for these reviews is that one of the contributing editors picks something they love, and the other three people have to say what they think too. Therefore, it’s a long-ass CD review. If you’re an impatient sort, I’m buried at the bottom, so scroll down.

Spooky

“Our Town”, my latest piece for the Morning News, is a creepy article about real towns where weird stuff happens. I came across a few odd things while researching the article. None of them were quite right for the piece, but they were cool nonetheless.

For example, the Bonne Terre Mine in Missouri fell into disuse in 1962. Groundwater flooded the tunnels, and today they’re open to divers who swim down to see old train tracks and carts, steam-powered jackhammers, and abandoned mining equipment.

An old missile silo in Texas is another attraction for divers. The once top-secret underground bunker used to contain nuclear weapons, but the concrete silo now contains a quiet well of groundwater. Divers enter the complex by descending a long staircase, passing through several blast doors and the launch control bunker, and entering a tunnel that leads them to the silo. From there they enter the deep pool of water, which is 52 feet wide. A pile of metal debris and the missile control station wait below, 18 stories underwater.

Unique Fixer Upper Opportunity

I’m going to start doing reviews for filmcritic.com. Unfortunately, filmcritic.com is ugly. I had the following conversation with Chris:

Dude, your site is ugga-ugga.

No it’s not!

It’s mauve. With yellow type.

It’s burgundy. It’s not ugly.

What is this font?

It’s all messed up because you’re using a Mac.

As are many people who care about site design.

It’s not mauve.

It’s offensive.

Well then, redesign it. I’m not a designer.

Me neither, but it’s a good site. I bet I could find someone who would do it for free.

Really?

Maybe. It gets a lot of traffic.

O.K.

This is not some rinkydink site. It gets about 35,000 hits a day and has been mentioned in CNN, Yahoo! Internet Life, HotWired, B!Zine, and regularly appears on Yahoo! Movies. Also, it is mauve. I know there are designers, art directors, and information architects in the Bay Area who are spending much of the day watching Dukes of Hazzard and updating their blogs. Anyone feel like doing a makeover? This would be a colossal before/after portfolio piece. I will bring you baked goods, and Chris will be generally kind to you. Email if you’re interested.

Addendum: We found someone. Quickly. I was shocked and heartened by how many generous offers flooded my inbox. You guys are the best. Thanks to everyone who responded. I wish I could bake for each and every one of you, but that would be more flour than I could safely cart home from the grocery store. The dirty work goes to Mike Monteiro of Mule Design (you may know him as Henry’s dad). He’s swell, and therefore, he deserves some biscuits. Thanks again to all of you who wrote.