If I’m the first bidder on an eBay item, I get inexplicably territorial. It’s the electronic version of peeing on a tree. When someone else bids, my competitive spirit kicks in. “Back off, girlie. Do you doubt my ability to go the distance for this pop-blue parka with fuzzy Eskimo hood? Do you think I’ve forgotten the swingy A-line tailoring, the rich satin lining?”

I get feverish with strategy. Should I lull her into a sense of complacency by letting her think I’ve lost interest? Should I bid $31.50 if I really only want to pay thirty bucks? She’s much more likely to bid $30 and give up, isn’t she?

Turns out she is. Bwaaahahahahahahaha. Say hello to the triumphant owner of this smurfy little coat. Someone please sound the trumpets.