Category: categories

Cease and Desist

Me: Yeah, I always thought he was a little off.

F: I think you’re right about that. It started to sink in when he’s telling me about this dress shirt he has, right?

Me: Yeah.

F: And it’s velour. . .

Me: K . . .

F: And he’s telling me about how he tie dyed it.

Me: What the?

F: Yeah, yeah, wait, it gets better.

Me: K. . .

F: It has a picture of The Golden Gate Bridge on the back.

Me: What? What.

F: Yeah. Yeah.

Me: Oh noooh.

F: Yeah, and he’s, like, proud of this, like telling me exactly how he did it.

Me: Aaa! Ack!

F: So I’m like, “No. No. You must stop talking about this.” ‘Cause sometimes they need that, you know? I think sometimes they like that.

Me: Boundaries.

F: Exactly. But he keeps on talking! He’s like, “Well, you know I tie dyed it so it looked . . .” And I’m like (shakes head), “Uh-uh. Uh-uh. You must stop with the talk about this shirt.”

Oh Yeah

Hey, Amit. This is what you wrote that I thought was funny:

I think that if you post a story on your blog, you should no longer be allowed to tell it at parties where people who read your site might be present.

Time on Your Hands

Someone didn’t clean up after their dog. Someone else took a very small piece of paper, glued it to a toothpick, and inserted it into the mess. The mini picket sign reads, Step in me!
Everyone has their hobbies.

Prince Albert in a Can

L: I used to work for this company called Emerging Growth Management.

Me: What?

L: It was a financial company.

Me: Oh.

L: All my friends would call and say, “Hi, I have an emerging growth. Can you manage it?”

Me: That’s hilarious.

L: It is pretty funny.

Me: Less so after the 134th time.

L: Yeah.

B: All my friends used to work in theater, and whenever one of them got a booking gig, we’d call up to harass them. (thick New York accent) “Hi. This is Javier Abramowitz. I got an act with two cockatiels and some twine. You book that kinda thing?”

elsewhere

Just wrote a film review for Gerry, an independent flick that you’ll either love or hate. I’m in the former camp.

Also, I’ll be interviewed tomorrow morning on KFOG (97.7 FM if you’re in the Bay Area). I’m showing up at the station at 7 a.m., who knows when you’ll actually be able to hear me. I promise to sound more like Mickey Mouse than anyone expected.