Author: maggeh

Catching up

For the past few years, I’ve read almost no books because I subscribe to so many magazines. Right now, I’m getting:

Real Simple

O, the Oprah Magazine

Martha Stewart Living

Esquire

Vogue

Lucky

Dwell

The New Yorker

The Smithsonian

Time

Jason Kottke recently embarked on a campaign to read more magazines, and he got a surprisingly long list of
suggestions from his readers. Look it over and see what appeals to you. Scanning it, I realized it’s been way too long since I’ve picked up copies of Giant Robot, Readymade, or The Believer. Then again, I’ve been meaning to finish Cry, the Beloved Country, The Lost Contient, and Midnight’s Children for quite a while too. I could use a few weeks on the beach.

Overheard: Encouragement on the Fulton-5

Scenario: A pushy man gets on the bus with a cart too big for the aisle. He stands just next to the bus driver. The driver tells him to move, so he shuffles back about a foot and stands with his cart in front of an older woman. She expresses concern; he ignores her; she reiterates. All the dialogue below is hers:

You can’t stand here.

(Pause)

You’re in people’s way.

(Pause)

I said you’re in people’s way!

(The bus driver tells the man to find a place to sit down. The man shuffles back a bit more.)

(Victorious now.) You hear him? That’s it.

Keep movin’.

You’re doin’ fine.

Keeeeep movin’.

Family

A: When I was a kid and we played imaginary games, I was always the boss. If we played house, I was the mom. Or if we played work, I was the boss. I was such a brat. I used to always fight with this one neighborhood kid over who got to be mom. Mark Smith, remember him?

M: Oh, yeah!

A: He came out of the closet a few years ago. His mom was crushed. The rest of us were like, “Surprise.”

M: Ha!

A: Really no one wanted to play Dad, except my little brother. Dad was so boring. We’d just give him a briefcase and say, “Go to work now.” And he’d have to march off into some back room and play by himself for awhile.

M: Oh! That’s sad.

A: Yeah, he’d leave for a minute and then come back and be like, “OK. Work’s over!” So he’d pretend to read the newspaper.

Bright

Great insight into comedy by Billy Connolly from an article in the New Yorker:

“It’s not because you’ve said something terribly funny; it’s because you’ve reminded them of something very bright in their lives, because you’re so passionate about telling them this tiny thing. It’s a girl you love, it’s fly-tying, it’s a banjo–all the things that make you want to dance.”

Dawg

This young man is strutting up the street with his boom box. He’s a big guy with a shaved head, sporting new sneakers and a parka. Suddenly he stops, looks behind him at ground level and gives a c’mon jerk of his head. Out of the crowd hurries a tiny Chihuahua. The dog rushes to the young man’s side and then sits nervously at his feet. The man pauses a moment, then resumes strutting.

Open Up

Bryan and I went on a drive this weekend, and wound up behind a minivan with a bumper sticker that read, “If only closed minds came with closed mouths.”

Me: I’m so open-minded that I don’t want to hear any opposing opinions.

B: If you’re not open-minded, shut-the f**k up.

Me: Muteness upon those who disagree with me.

Speak and Spell?

Bryan’s cell phone has one of those rings that make people stop and look in the street. It’s sort of a loud, futuristic, rolling chime. At my sister’s house, his phone rings and the kids sit bolt upright with wide eyes. Trevor says, “We don’t have any toys that sound like that!”